eccedentesiast 》ashton irwin [english]

» two

i got up like every morning. i had to go to school. even if it would be the hell on earth again.

i don't mean that i get bullied or something. i get in a way. but that's not so horrible like being asked how i feel today. i hate this question. 

but actually it's easy to answer. i'm fine. like always.

i took a glance at my wardrobe. what should i wear today? i took a black pullover and a black skinny jeans. by mistake a jacket with some coloured letters fell down. I ♥ London was written on it. 

i tried to smile. to remeber the experience, i had when i was there. but i couldn't. i just had some pics in my head. but i didn't feel anything. i put the jacket back in the wardrobe and got dressed. my trousers were almost to big. i lost a bit weight.

something little i could be happy about. i fat thing. 

i feel cold. it's almost winter. "morning darlin", says my mum and gave my a light smile. "morning", i say, with a fat smile on my face. it's fake of course. and it's hard to pretend it to my mum.

she knows me well. too well.but not that well. doesn't make sense at all i know. but.. i changed in the last few month. but she doesn't know. i think. i hope. i don't mind. i could say we are similar to each other. she's also not happy with her life. but she blurts it out. and i stay silent. fakesmiling.

i sigh. i know it will be a hard day. 

"morning little sis", my brother comes into the kitchen and makes my hair messy. I don't say anything. just give him a smile. less big. he's able to make me smile for real. at least a bit. 

He sits down and has his breakfast. I sit down next to him and look while he's eating. i also eat something. I'm hungry. of course. but i know that i will regurgitate it again later. so i eat. my belly hurts. it hurts because of this worse habit. but i don't mind. pain makes me feel better.

"Bye u two, I'll be back late today.", my mum says good bye and gives us a blown kiss. "bye", my brother and me say at once. not to annoy her because we are rude or something. she always gets upset when something doesn't work how she expected it to be. this is ridiculous, isn't it? nobody gets everthing he wants.... 

no sooner our mum left, michael looked at his phone then. "when's school finishing today?" he asks. he hasn't school today because he has his internship at the music shop. lucky boy...  "at two, derp. like almost every day" i answer by eating faster. school will start in thirty minutes and i should go. "ah good. me and luke will fetch u.", he explains while he's tiping rapidly on his phone.

luke. michale's best friend. tall. blond. blue eyes. totally handsome. 

"okay." i just answer and stand up. "Lia. wait i'll drive u to school" he also stands up. my brothers good. too good to me. " u don't have to. it won't hurt if i will go by bike." my eyes go down my body, just for a second. but of course he notices. he's one of  the only one who notices me. who has real feels for me. "Lia, u know. u are perfect. u always have been perfect!" he often says something like this and nevertheless I'm so mean to him. I hate me for this. he's perfect, i'm not. he should be loved by everybody. everybody should care about him. not about me.

okay. he has his "fans" in a way and i'm so proud of his little stupid band he and his best friend luke have. and not to forget the little asian looking mate calum. he hates called an asian. and i know he isn't. but luke and mikey make fun of him. but nevertheless, i think michael deserves much more attention. 

i sometimes listen to their music when they have their  band rehearsal. they arn't bad at all. but the drums are missing.

i always miss them. i love the sound of it. in every single song i listen to the drums are the most impressiv thing besides the voice of course. 

i should have told them. but i'm too afraid to do. i mean they are good, maybe i'm wrong by saying that the need a drummer,

"so Lia, come on. ur personal cab won't wait any longer and school either" I nod and grab my backpack. an old black one with a lot of band patches on it. i made it by myself. 

so we go to school in his mini van. he's a horrible driver, but i don't tell him. sooner i would have done it. but i would feel bad by provoking him. so i don't and hope to get safe to school.

while we're driving none of us says a word. just the music blasts out of the speakers. Fall Out Boy. my favourite band. and michael also like them. their new song centuries is on the radio and i'm humming a bit. then we arrived. 

"thanks" i say to him and get out of his car. "bye. see u this afternoon. and don't be late" he adds and turns his van around and drives away. very fast. too fast i think. hopefully he won't have an accident someday. 

so now i have to go into the hell of happiness and smiling. 'lia just smile an dpretend to be happy' i say to myself and take few steps into the big building. always with my favourite accessoire. my smile.

~

soo it's friday again. update dayy!! :3

thank ya so much for 21 votes, I'm very happy about that♥♥

dedication to @mashtxn , because i love ur ff hell ♥♥

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