Lily

There's clarity in the night if you let the stars guide you. It was just the both of us, me and her. Her and I, laying across the comfortable soft grass in the cool summer breeze. Noon had passed and night settled in with a shimmering complexion. A dim city and cloudless skies paved the way for the stars to show up in grand fashion, dazzling like lively souls. All it took was one glance at her and I realized, as clear as day, as bright as the stars that gleamed in the reflection of her eyes, she was the one. This was paradise. Being with the woman I love was the peace I needed.

Then they came and everything was gone.

One Year Ago. . .

"You're over dramatic, Jon!"

I shook my head, "But it's true! What if that thing lays eggs? Not on my hand, but IN my hand?!"

I sat Lily's phone face down on the table, preventing myself from seeing the rest of the video of an ugly huntsman spider crawling all over a person's hand. I had imagined myself in that situation and trust me, it wasn't pretty. I have arachnophobia. I hate, and I can not emphasize this enough, HATE spiders. Ugly abominations, eight eyes and eight legs long enough to wrap around your neck and choke you, that's if it's not eating your face off already. The thought of a spider roaming around my hand, webbing it up and making itself a nest, was a traumatic image to behold but it paid off, all just to see my girl laugh. And the way she laughs is adorable. She has a squeaky laugh that sounds like an attempt at a normal laugh but always fails. When she laughs she smiles so lively and desperately covers her mouth to hide the severity of her amusement.

"Spiders are harmless!" She protests, while trying to keep a straight face, a twitching, fighting grin trying to turn into slant seriousness.

"Bullshit!" I replied, "You can't tell me that something that looks like that is not dangerous. If it looks dangerous, it usually IS dangerous!"

She lost the fight, blooming with laughter once more, struggling to breathe even in that loose, colorful sundress with a vibrant painting of her favorite idol, Frida Kahlo, on it front and center. Lily was a proud feminist and she made it known.

It's our 5th anniversary tonight, and I was going to make it special. Last year we spent the anniversary at my place, so it was her place. Not only was Lily a proud feminist, but she was as aesthetic and natural as they come. She lived in a small complex here in Astoria, Queens but her room is the definition of aesthetic. Her love for nature was displayed by the little garden she had near the window, vines of plants, that have been there through the five years of our relationship, had already stretched across the walls and was inches near the ceiling. Dozens of string lights dangled above us, casting a warm glow and a relaxing aura that established the mood for this special night. Polaroid pictures of every date we went to were pinned against the wall in the living room above the flat screen TV, a circle of string lights surrounding them, it was her way of saying that I was the light of her world, just as she is mines. Her bedroom was right next to the living room and it was simple and small, but enough for both of us to fit in because we decided that only us can go into that room--we often had friends come over who would stay the night after a little party but they could never, under any circumstances enter our bedroom--and we've had so many special moments in that room that I'll remember for a lifetime. We've cuddled and read books,--evidence by the shelf of books on the wall in front of the bed--smoked pot and made love several times in that room. Back to our little date, everything had been perfectly set up on the table. Chinese food was decided, boxes full of fried rice, noodles, chicken, the usual stuff, and in the center of the table stood an flowerless vase filled halfway with water. That was my cue.