Liv & Kuolema

III

The following weeks passed without incident, much to Berwald's relief. As far as he knew, Timo had started helping Lukas maintain the Christiania in exchange for a place to sleep and enough money to buy food. It wasn't much, but it sounded like the Finn would be alright after all.

Berwald was glad to get back to his routine. If he stayed away, he didn't have to worry about hurting anyone, and that included the nice little Finn he'd met. He went back to being the quiet man from the countryside who was somewhat known for his craftsmanship. It was nicer than constantly fearing for the lives of others.

Currently he was locking up to go enjoy lunch by the harbour. The day was warm, but not so warm that going out in his coat would be unbearable. It was the perfect temperature.

After testing the lock and going out into the street, Berwald took a deep breath and looked upwards. The sky was a brilliant shade of blue and the air smelled salty, but not too much like fish. It was a day that needed to be spent out in the open, even for a hermit like himself.

It didn't take long for him to come back to reality. He realised he had been lingering in the street a little too long and muttered an apology to no one in particular, then he kept his head down as he made his way through the city. There was a spot by the harbour where he knew he wouldn't be disturbed, and he knew he could enjoy himself all he wanted after getting there.

Once he arrived in his favourite spot where he could gaze upon the sea before him, he sat down, and, after looking around to make sure he really was alone, he took off his coat and set it beside him. He felt in its pockets and pulled out what he had prepared for his lunch, then enjoyed his meal. For the most part, it was quiet. Peaceful. Just the way he liked it.

But of course it couldn't have stayed that way. A familiar ship was docking, making Berwald groan. It wasn't that he particularly minded the fact it was a Danish ship run by a Danish crew, but the fact the man in charge of it all considered himself to be a friend of the Swede, and he was loud.

Rumour had it part of the reason he came to Sweden so often was to visit and maybe even flirt with Lukas, the innkeeper, but the Dane certainly spent no short amount of time asking Berwald to go drinking with him.

He wasn't bad. Not really. Berwald was always on edge whenever he was around just because he was so scared of hurting him, but he was alright enough. Whenever he was with the Danish merchant, Berwald almost felt like he could forget himself for a few hours and enjoy life like a normal person.

No one else could have given that to him. No one, except maybe that little Finn Berwald had met. But Timo was different in a way he couldn't explain; maybe it was because they had only spent the one afternoon and night together and parted as friendly acquaintances. On the other hand, the merchant, Matthias, knew an uncomfortable amount of details from Berwald's private life. He could always tell when something was wrong, too, and he'd drive everyone around him crazy until he could solve the problem. Even if he'd never know everything, it was kind of nice to have someone like that; a confidant.

A friend. For better or for worse, Matthias was a friend. A good one too. It's why Berwald didn't like him visiting all the time. He felt awful when all he could do to return the Dane's kind gestures was endanger him.

He couldn't risk a chance of meeting up. Not now. Berwald hastily packed up his things, then slipped on his long overcoat before returning to the heart of the city. Matthias knew where his shop was, but with luck he'd be distracted by Lukas for the first night.

At least Matthias never stayed in port long. Berwald didn't even know all the places he frequented, but among them were Sweden, Denmark, Norway, the Netherlands, Britain, and even occasionally Iceland. Lukas had joined him before, but Berwald always passed on the opportunity. It sounded like a nightmare. There wasn't much privacy on a ship. The thought of such little privacy was frightening enough even if he didn't have to worry about his curse.