Aangan scribbles (Finished)

Believe in yourself

Scene setting :Takes place after Aliya comes to live with Jameel's family / episode 11

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As I and Shakeel was fighting, barey chachu announced that Aliya bajiya and bari chachi were coming over to stay with us. I was so excited and happy, finally there was a girl coming with whom I could share my feelings with . I don't have many memories with her, but I did spend some time with her. Aba first had left me with Mazhar chachu; Tehmina appa and choti chachi had been gone to their naani's house as she was ill and Aliya herself wasn't feeling well so they did not take her with them. It was the best 2 weeks I had after my Amma died. I remember when bajiya first took me out to meet her friends in the neighbourhood and I was made fun for my appearance. I wasn't really aware of my appearance until I saw all these girls and realized that my Aba hadn't even combed through my hair. Dejected at making friends I went home and cried, but then ever so lovingly bajiya sat me down and massaged oil into my hair to take all the knots out. Chachu came home to two girls covered in oil and I felt love in a very long time when he with utter most care braided my hair. From that the onwards we were inseparable. But like all happiness in my life it was short-lived, the minute chachi got to know about this she had threatened to leave him and off I went to barey chachu's house.

It was fun having bajiya around, she was shy at first but opened up. We still didn't talk about Tehmina appa's death, but we talked about the life she lived. I know how she felt we hesitate to talk about the dead just because it would be too painful, but I wanted someone to talk to me about my mother, but no one did and as a result I barely know how she was. I could see Jameel bhaiya paying her more attention. I was angry at him, I didn't want him to take her away from me and I didn't want to despise her either. Frustration took the best of me and I confronted him. I told him that I would tell bajiya about his betrayal and what he said next shocked me. He told me that how would Aliya feel when he tells hers that I cursed her own sister. I replied back that I never wished death about anyone, but he said that I still didn't have any best interest of her either. Suddenly I had this guilt creeping up in me and this fear of abandonment if bajiya found out.

Hence, I kept avoiding her. I felt bad for doing it, but I was not ready for her to hate me. I no longer interrupted Jameel bhaiya and bajiya, every now then she would look at me helpless when Jameel bhaiya would try to talk to her. This loneliness was taking over me as I sat on the floor of the terrace, crying silently on my fate . Suddenly this hand came up wiping my tears and as I looked up it was none other than bajiya.

"What wrong chammo" she asked softy

"Nothing" I smiled as I wiped any traces of tears

"So you like to cry as a hobby then "she said playfully

"I was just missing Amma really "my voice cracked, and a lump stuck in my throat.

"oh Chammo, come here " she said and hugged me .

The guilt creeped up again and I told her that I don't deserve her love and that her sister is dead because of me.

"Chammo .." I interrupted her "Its fine if you hate me, I deserve it "

"Look at me Chammo, do you see any hate and why would you blame yourself"

And then I poured my heart out telling her everything from the start, about how Jameel bhaiya betrayed me and why I was avoiding her. After telling her everything, I looked up realising that all this time she didn't even say anything. Dejected I got up to leave but she held my hand and hugged me.

"My beautiful Chammi, it was never your fault and you don't deserve any hate. Now listen to me clearly, you are not responsible for her death okay. If anyone deserves too feel ashamed is Jameel. He's the one whose wrong and is still wrong. He keeps hurting you chammi and manipulating you but you being this pure hearted soul never see that. I can see the insecurities and the need for love behind the mask you put, the same I saw in Safdar bhai. I don't want you to become another Tehmina, I want you to believe in yourself and know that your better than what he says."

I was speechless not believing what she said and then she told me everything about Tehmina apa's death. And I finally believed her and hugged her both crying in each other's arms, sharing or pain.

Then I heard footsteps behind, and I knew it was Jameel bhaiya. He started his favourite hobby, mocking of chammi. He jokingly asked bajiya if her brain had stopped working with all the rubbish I was talking. He kept mocking me and bajiya kept looking at me and I knew what she was trying to do. She wanted me to speak up for myself. And I did that exactly, before I would just raise my voice or lash out but know I spoke up. I told him that I was a better person than him, I was not selfish and that I understand now how he betrayed me. Suddenly there was anger on his face and he asked bajiya if I was feeding her lies as well. He asked my if I wanted him to tell Aliya about what I did hinting towards Tehmina apa's death. He took bajiya's silence as a sign of her being on his side and in no time, he blurted out how women like Aliya would be much better wife than women like me. In a blink of an eye bajiya had slapped him. She told him how any women wouldn't deserve selfish and arrogant man like him. That all he knew was to take advantage of someone. First, he needed money, so he went after Chammi. Then he though Tehmina apa would make a good wife and now me.She asked him why men only get to choose about the women , why are they just objected to be someone's wife , mother , daughter or sister and what about them being humans . For the first time ever, he looked shocked maybe a bit ashamed as well. I looked him in the eye and told him that I still loved him but there was no respect but with time I can make myself stop loving him and shower that same love on myself. I told him that he needs to open his eyes and look around, there is still time to change.

With that we both went away leaving him behind. I realized that if I want someone else to respect me, I need to respect myself first. Why are we told by the society what to feel about ourselves? A husband dies it's the women fault but if a wife dies it was God's wish. If we fight we're rude , if we cry we're weak but if we don't we're heartless , if we laugh too loud we are shameless, if we earn we are to arrogant or gotten out of hand but if we stay at home we are too dependent , man would have an affair but it is the women's fault , she a homewrecker or she doesn't know tricks to woo her man , women marrying a younger man she's called his mother but if the roles reverse the men are not compared to be their fathers are they ? and the list goes on and on. This is not something that's in our religion or is the law so why do we practice it, when would be open our eyes and treat women like humans. When would us women stop going against eachother. start understanding and uplifting each other. When when...

A/N: I just want to write about Chammi's and Aliya's relationship. I do think both characters are right in their own sense. Plus Jameel is pissing me off , so this more like a rant. Not all stories would end up with Jammi being together so let me know if everyone is fine with it .