Aangan scribbles (Finished)

Calmness-part 2

Jameel's pov

Failure is what I am right now . The arrogant Jameel , whose fiance loved someone else , her sister who rejected him , who can't get a job and who keeps running away from someone who loves him .

Aliya didn't love me I told myself , she rejected me but why wasn't it hurting that much . I was more hurt when Abba hit Chammi . Ya Allah, give me some peace and direction I prayed. Chammi was on my mind every since Abba beat her , I saw Aliya being treated like a queen just because she fainted and Chammi was being taunted for being beaten up , astonishing isn't it . My conscious told me to look at myself first when have I ever done something for other. Chammi scared me , she was opposite from me- selfless , wanting love affection and sensitive . I had seen Chammi listening when I confessed to Aliya and I was scared for what she would say but she simply walked away . I avoided her scared that she would ask me something I wouldn't be able to answer and also too see the hurt in those big doe eyes. But I did bump into her , there was hurt visible on her face and she told me that everyone is not Chammi who would comply with everything I do . Silence took over me not knowing how to answer her , my gaze followed her as she tried to make her bajiya eat and smile . She's too pure for me , I'll ruin her with my darkness.

I was walking up the stair one night when I saw Aliya taking to Chammi and I decided to listen . Rage took over me as I heard Chammi tell Aliya not to love me and tell her how I used her . I stormed off , but I asked myself why was I angry . I knew what she was saying was all true and that what made me angry . But obviously logic doesn't come to me right away my ego always win . For the next month I notice how different she looked , her eyes sunken , there was no smile and mostly the silence that have engulfed her .I told myself that I didn't care , this is probably one of her ways to gain attention . And I though I was proven right when she returned back to her shouting , this girl was too complicated to understand. In that time I did figure out my feeling towards Aliya , I didn't love her . I was just amused and I know its wrong , plus she clearly didn't love me so I guess I felt how Chammi would have felt, except she really did love you my heart screamed. Anger and denial my new best friend always took better of me I guess.

However, that night I saw something different . The night where everyone laughed at her and I quickly stopped when I looked at her face , her eyes looking empty as if she was finally broken. Everyone was surprised when instead of talking back or shouting she calmly walked and sat down. This fear took over me as everyone else resumed back to talking , Chammi sat staring into that fire without blinking , her posture screamed defeat and I knew she was hurt . I would talk to her later I told myself . Slowing she walked off telling us that she need to get some clothes from the store room . Every step she took away from me my heat beat wildly and I knew I loved her and I was done pretending .

The next day I had woken up determined too tell her how I felt. There was sounds of laughter coming from the aangan and I sat down looking at Chammi as she slowly gave me a smile , but i wasn't a fool. she was faking it . I asked them to share some happiness with me too .Before anyone can answer she excused her self . Amma told me that Chammi bought gifts for everyone , a new hat for Abba , books for Aliya , a bat for Shakeel to play , daadi a new soft mattress, bua new clothes , choti chachi an english made pair of shoes and Amma some dye for her hair .Dread filled me and I looked at Aliya , she herself looked confused. Something was going on in Chammi's head and whatever it was I needed to know . At night everyone was outside except her so , I went looking for her and saw that she was organising her clothes and jewellery . I asked her whats the occasion and then she looked really calm , she told me that she finally found peace . Looking at my puzzled face she laughed but that laugh gave me chills. Don't worry she said I have gift for you as well , she came towards me and handed me a beautiful leather diary with my name embroidered on the front . "Promise you won't open it until tomorrow" she asked , "Promise " I whispered back .Before I could say anything else , she said that this is for my poetry and that life is too short , so follow your heart . She started to walk away but she stopped near the door , turned back and smiled at me . "Goodbye Jameel Ji " she whispered.