Something Greater (Something Great 2)

Chapter 7

"What do you want me to say Harry? Yes of course I still want to see you and know what you're up to, and if that leads to what happened last night you know I can't say no to you, I never could and never wanted to!"

"A friends with benefits, every man's f*cking dream! I don't want to just f*ck you to get myself off, I want to make love to you!" He ran his fingers through his hair and tugged at it in frusteration, turning his back to me to look out the window.

I worked up the courage to finally walk over to him, and make him see reason. I wrapped the sheet around myself and walked over to him, standing behind him. I was afraid to touch him, I didn't want him to reject me right now.

"You know you mean more to me than that Harry, when we're together like that it means more to me than just the pleasure of it, it's when I feel most connected to you," I said in a low voice, trying to keep my emotions intact.

He turned around and looked down at me, his eyes watery and cold. He hated me for this, I could see it.

"Then be with me!" His voice was low and desperate, and if I had no self control I would have wrapped myself in his arms then and there and agreed to go back to our old life.

"I can't!" I pleaded with him, hoping he would understand.

He sighed and dropped his head, screwing his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Then we're done! I can't be with you like we were last night, and not be with you in every other way. What you did was cruel Jen, the cruelest thing you have done to me. I thought you were better than this, you promised me we would make this work, you broke that promise! I trusted you, and what an idiot I was for believing you. You're anchor my arse, you seem to be just fine without me. I can't be here anymore with you, don't be here when I get back!" And with that he walked away from me, leaving me for good this time.

"Harry!" I called after him as he reached for the door.

"Don't contact me anymore!" He looked over his shoulder before opening the door and slamming it shut making me jump.

This wasn't what I wanted, I didn't want him out of my life. He was right though, I was cruel to lead him to think I wanted to get back together when I didn't. I couldn't help but cry over the mess I just created for myself. He hated me now, and I only had myself to blame for it.

I looked through his drawers for something to wear so I could head back to Gemma and Angus's apartment. I pulled out a pair of my leggings I left here the last time I was in England, and a sweatshirt Harry used to wear with "Obsession" written across it.

Obsession, the word best used to describe my constant move of hurting Harry. I must have been obsessed with seeing him upset, because I seem to have perfected the action of ripping his heart up.

I considered writing him a note apologizing, but his final words to kept me from doing so. I should respect his wishes and leave him alone. I didn't deserve his forgiveness after this, I'd now have to live with the fact I just drove away the only man I ever loved.

I left his room for the final time with my dress and heels from last night in hand, and made my way down the stairs towards the door, wiping the tears from my face.

"Jen!" A voice stopped me in my bid to flee the house. I tried to ignore them, I attempted to open the door but the owner of the voice shut it closed right away.

"Please just let me go, he doesn't want me here!" I didn't look up at him, I knew who it was and speaking to him right now would only make me more emotional.

"You know he does!" he tried to make me believe.

"Niall, he told me he was done with me, please just let me go!" I tried to open the door again and he held me back in his arms. I tried to fight him, to get myself out of his grip but I couldn't escape him.

"Let me go!" I screamed, slowly becoming tired from trying to break free.

"Jen just calm down for a second!" he pleaded with me.

"He hates me!" I sobbed, finally easing in his grip becoming weak and out of breath. He spun me around and I dropped my dress and shoes to the floor, wrapping my arms around him as he held me into him.

"What's happened?" he patted down on the back of my head, allowing me to calm down.

"We're done, I messed up. I screwed everything up Niall, now he wants nothing to do with me!" I took a breath and pulled back to wipe my tears again.

"Come sit and tell me what happened, I saw him run down the stairs in a distraught state and before I could ask him anything he was gone! I didn't even know you were here!" He lead me to the lounge and we took a seat.

"We slept together last night, I know it was stupid but I missed him and I just lost control and told him I wanted it. I guess he thought that meant we were getting back together, and I told him this morning I couldn't do it. I can't do it Niall, I do love him, but I can't sit at home and wait for him to come to me, and it's selfish of me to expect that of him."

"I know the distance thing isn't easy, but isn't it worth it? If you love someone shouldn't you try to make it work no matter what? I can't talk because I've never managed to make a long distance relationship work, but you and Harry are different. I know how much you two love eachother, I don't think it's worth giving up on." He didn't understand, no one did but me. Harry was worth it, he was worth it for the two months I tried, but I couldn't do it anymore, and I won't do it again only for the same thing to happen again and I have to deal with the heartache all over again.

"You don't get it, no one does. It doesn't matter anyway, he want's nothing to do with me now. You'll just defend him no matter what I say, so I better just go," I started to stand but he stopped me.

"Stop pushing me away, you can't run from your problems forever. Help me understand Jen, tell me why you can't be with him!"

"Because I can't!" I scolded him, losing control of my emotions again. "I don't need to explain myself to you or to anyone else, I just can't do it. I can't be here!" I stood again and walked towards the door.

"You know you'll go back to him!" He called out, I didn't look back, I opened the door and left.

He was right, I knew I would one day grow up and realise Harry was worth it, but when that day came I knew Harry wouldn't be waiting for me with open arms.

And I would deserve it.