Something Greater (Something Great 2)

Chapter 7

"Harry listen," I began.

"If you tell me this was a one off thing that meant nothing to you, I swear I'm going to lose it Jen!" he cut me off, and now I felt even more nervous to tell him how I felt.

"Of course it meant something to me! Being with you always meant something to me, it still does!" I assured him.

"Then what is it?" his face relaxed slightly, but crease lines on his forehead still lingered as he looked at me.

"Last night doesn't change anything. I don't regret what we did, but we still can't be together for the same reason's we broke up."

"Then what the hell was last night about? You say it meant something to you yet you don't want to be with me?" His voice came out agitated, and I honestly didn't blame him.

"I'm sorry," I didn't know what to say to him to make him understand, maybe I was just a coward and not being with him was the easy way out of dealing with my feelings for him. I just couldn't see anything changing, we were both busy with our own lives, we lived on opposite ends of the earth, I couldn't see this working if we tried again.

"You're sorry? That's all you have to say? You lead me to believe last night meant more to you than a trip down memory lane! Why did you say you loved me if you knew damn well you didn't want to be with me?" He threw the sheets off himself and walked over to his draws to pull out some clothing.

"I do love you Harry! I meant it, I always will, and I know it was stupid of me to lead you to think we would just slip back into how things were, but I can't do it. I want to be part of your life though, if you'll allow me to be."

"You're not honestly suggesting we be friends are you? My Jen was an intelligent woman, she would never suggest something so insanely stupid, so I know that's not what you're hinting at here!" It angered me slightly the way he was reacting to this, but I understood. Still, I wasn't going to allow him to talk to me like I was stupid for feeling how I felt.

"Your Jen isn't the same girl you met a year ago! I'm stronger now, and won't allow you to talk down to me like that just because you don't like what I have to say!" I bit back at him.

"Stronger? If she's so strong then why is she running away from something I know she wants just as bad as I do?" He raised his voice, dressing himself in a huff.

"I'm not running, I'm strong enough to walk away from something that was bringing me down! If I wasn't strong I would have stayed with you and acted like being away from you didn't bother me. You're still busy with your career, and I'm busy with mine! We can't work Harry, not now, why can't you see that?"

A screaming match was not how I pictured this morning going. I hoped no one else was in the house, I'm sure the neighbours across the road could hear us, and that was one issue I didn't want to deal with on top of the current one at hand.

"I understood Jen, for your sake I understood it, but how can you sit there and tell me you don't want to be with me when you know damn well you do? You wouldn't be in my bed, our bed, if you didn't! So what now, i'll see you again in another four months and we'll just f*ck each other and carry on with life like it never happened?"

"I don't know..." I honestly didn't know where we stood now, or what our future held. I didn't want him out of my life, I wanted to keep in contact with him and see him whenever we were in the same town, we just couldn't be together.

"Wrong answer!" I could see he was hurting, and I hated myself for it. I wish I could tell him I wanted to be with him and we could go back to hour long phone calls and occasional video chats, but I knew that's not what either of us wanted. I wished things could have been like they were in the beginning, but both of us knew tour wouldn't last forever, we just chose to ignore that fact.