Embracing The Shadows (Shadow Series #5)

20 - Boots

Exhaustion weighed on my eyelids like anchors were attached to them along with the looming threat of sleep heavily pressed on my mind, body begging for even a few hours of sleep to encourage the will to get through the long school day, deprived of rest from the night before, haunted by the bloodshed and fear of what was to come when the truth came out. The familiar numbness crept in through my body the moment we stepped out of the Stilinski household, slowly at first until there was nothing left behind except a striking determination to protect Stiles at all cost, shutting off every emotion like my father taught me to do to take on the world with a level head.

The sunrise basked over my skin brought a new transformation throughout my body as I numbly walked up to Isaac's car in the driveway, still clad in Stiles' extra clothes, limping in pain. I understood I needed to reign in my emotions and shut down to avoid disaster raining down our lives like a category six hurricane, built to destroy everything in its path, soon to bring the same fate upon Stiles and myself if I didn't gain control of the situation. My emotions would be the cause of our downfall if I let them control me like they overwhelmed my system last night.

My wellbeing didn't matter when Stiles' life was at risk. He was more important and I refused to let anything happen to him.

This was why the universe brought me back to life. I was reborn to be a Protector, to protect my friends and the innocent in ways no one else could, much like I did before my untimely death. That train of thought repeated in my head as I fought back the multiple yawns and desperate need to collapse in my bed, curled underneath blankets with Isaac by my side. Unfortunately, what I wanted and needed were irrelevant.

There was nothing left within me except for how to protect Stiles with all of my emotions locked away in the back of my mind, no longer needed. Dad taught me how to block my feelings and emotions out to focus on imperative things, and that's exactly what I did after I slid in the passenger seat of our car. The tears stopped flowing down my cheeks and my breathing calmed down until my chest no longer heaved up and down. The scared and panicked look in my dark eyes transformed to a blank one, letting everything else drift away as I focused on the one thing that mattered.

Stiles.

The clothes I borrowed from Stiles were carelessly tossed to the center of my neat bed, untouched from staying until sunrise at Stiles' house. My hands finished buttoning my jeans once my hands were freed and I turned back to my closest, barely noticing Isaac standing in the doorway of my bedroom, watching my sluggish movements from the lack of sleep. He barely took his eyes off of me ever since we returned back to the apartment, instantly knowing what I did when he saw my change in the car.

Metal clanged together as my right hand yanked Allison's jacket from a hanger inside my closet and pulled it over my torso, breathing in a small sense of relief at the familiar material, feeling more in control at the thought of my sister still by my side.

"Clara."

I reached down to grab my usual boots until I spotted the blood soaked through the material, faintly remembering how I kicked them off after we stepped into the apartment. My hands hovered over them on the floor, momentarily shocked before I pushed the lingering thoughts back to the rear of my mind and grabbed a pair of hi-top converse instead.

I needed to burn the boots immediately.

"Clara." Isaac stepped into my bedroom, inching closer to the bed, where I sat perched on the edge to pull on my shoes. His voice was soft like he was worried he might break me if he spoke too loud. "We don't have to go."

"Yes, we do," I responded without any hesitation. My fingers adjusted the hem of my jeans around my shoes after I laced them. I grabbed the ruined boots and jumped to my feet, prepared to advance to the kitchen.