Dead Inside

Mystery Note

I woke up sitting a cold bath, which is all the more confusing because I swear I passed out on my bed. I get out a bit shaky and weak, but manage to grab a towel. I wrap it around me and slowly open the door. Low and Behold there's Andy sitting on a chair by the door. He looks at me when he hears the door creak open. "So you decided to wake up," he sarcastically states. "What happened and when did you get here," I ask. He quickly and quietly replied, "When you dropped the phone and weren't responding, I decided to come over and see what was going on. When I got here I saw the blood and immediately checked you." I smile at the thought that I have such an amazing friend. "Then I cleaned your arms and put you in a cold bath for a bit. You been out for about and hour and half since I got here."
"What happened with you though, you've been acting a bit off since you got out of the hospital." I don't know what possessed me at that moment. I wanted to tell him everything that had happened to me, from the note to the odd experience in the shed. Yet I felt this anger rise up in me, as if I was utterly angered by the fact that he thinks my behavior is odd. Of all people, I would not expect my best friend to to say such a thing. Then again I could understand his reasoning in asking me. He is genuinely concerned for my well being. The storm inside me roars on, between the fearful child and angered evil in me. All at once it came to a head.
"OF ALL PEOPLE I WOULD EXPECT YOU TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IM GOING THROUGH," I screamed at him. "I just came out of the hopital a few days ago. I'm recovering from a near death experience. Yet you expect me to bounce right back from this as if it's just some sports injury." He looks at me surprised, and speechless i would say. "This is a lifelong thing I have to live with. I will have to see these scars everyday for the rest of my life. And to be honest I don't even know how long my life is going to last. I still feel the same if not worse than I did before." Andy looks down and tries to speak, but I quickly cut him off; "Just please go and leave me be. I just want to be alone without feeling like I'm someone's pitty case." I was screaming inside, asking him to stay. I was hoping he would see it in my eyes, but he didn't once meet my gaze. He only got up and walked out without another word.
Soon as the door shut, I broke down in a puddle right there on the floor. After I cried out my tears and regained somewhat composure of myself, I got up and went to my room. I sat down and tried to figure out the events of the past few hours; well the past couple days apparently. It was too much to take, and I still didn't know what was to be meant by "do not fail." Then I remembered the rest of the notes. I had not opened up the rest of them, Just that first note when I completly lost it. So I decide to pick up the other notes, there was about 6 other notes sitting on my desk. It hurt to see such few notes in my locker, when I see time and time again how much love other classmates receive when they merely get sick.
I open up the first one, just the usual well wishes. Second one the same, as well as the third, fourth, and fifth. The last note in my hands now, im getting ready to open it. Suddenly I get a text, hoping it might be Andy, i check the message. I get chills when I see the content of the message was merely- "don't fail." I set my phone down and look at the note. What if this little envelope was the cause of my troubles. Or maybe someone doesn't want me to know something. Or just possibly I'm going crazy and overthinking every little thing in my life.
I open up the letter and read it. "I hope you make it long enough to read this note. The doctors don't know if you are stable or will make it yet, but I pray you do. If and when you read this note, I want you to know that I have seen you everyday since we were just kids. I noticed everything you went through, and wanted to talk to you and help through it. Yet I could never bring myself to do it, it seemed I was terrified you wouldn't accept me. When I heard you were in the hospital I went by to check on you. Doctor said I couldn't see you, family only visits. Since then, things have really been put in perspective for me. How short life is, and how every moment is precious. We can't waste time on people who want to tear us down, or let our fears get the best of us. Which is why I have a request of you. If you are reading this, it means you are alive. I want you to join me so we can talk about some things, but first you gotta find me. If you put in the effort I will know you are for real about this. Hope to see you soon! P.S. I attached a photo"
I get to the end of the note only to see that there is no name. No hint as to who gave me this note. It wasn't written, it was typed, so I couldn't base it on their handwriting. And what did they mean by attatching a photo. I see no photo on this note, only a letter with no author. Least the other creep had the consideration to put -Anonymous at the end of their letter. Yet another mystery to add to the utter confusion I felt in my life. As if my life wasn't already bad enough, and to top it off people think im crazy as it is. So I set aside the note, and lay on my bed. My brothers should be getting home soon anyway, unless I missed more time in life.
Of course my brothers come home and complain about being hungry, and I hadn't eaten anything either. So I decide to order some pizza for us, which made me brother of the year. We sat in the livingroom watching tv while we waited for the pizza. The boys laying stretched out on the floor, while I sat in the recliner watching them more than the show. I am so done with my life now, but then I look at them and realize I could never do something so stupid as suicide. What example would I be setting for them. They have such a great life now, no responsibilities except keeping their grades up. I would give anything to go back to that age again, but here I am.
I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear the doorbell ring. That would be the pizza. The boys make their way to the kitchen while I go to get the pizza. I open the door, sign the receipt, tip the guy, and grab the food. The delivery guy looks nervously at me, and is acting somewhat weird and distressed. I quickly get in the house and shut the door. I peek through the window before heading towards the kitchen. The delivery guy stands there for a moment staring into the distance, before hurriedly walking to his car. That was really weird. So I take the pizza to the kitchen and open the lid of the box. My heart stops and I quickly shut the box. On the lid were written the words: "do not fail."
I can't take this day anymore. Everything keeps getting stranger and more complicated. As if my life wasn't already terrible. I lost my appetite, so I give my brothers the pizza. When asked about the writting, I told them it was just a joke from the company. As if to say don't fail in eating the whole pizza. Then I head off to my room and collapse in bed. I can't feel, can't think, can't do anything but lay there in sheer terror. It wasn't long before I drifted into a heavy sleep. A very deep, heavy sleep.