A Time For Love

chapter 4

Annie and I went to Elizabeth Park today. Maple is still in the hospital, and she forced all of us to go home, so Annie and I went to Elizabeth Park. It's beautiful. It's covered in flowers, and the trees are all autumn colors, and there are arches all over the place.

"Can I ask you something?" Annie asks. She's got on a Rock Creek Park Horse Center. I own in, and she goes there all the time. Her jeans are faded, and there are holes in them. She wears cowgirl boots. She's just as country as I am. We grew up in the same town and when I moved to DC, she moved with me. She shoves her hands in her jeans front pockets.

"You know you can ask me anything." I reply.

"Do you think I'll ever fall in love with someone? I'm twenty one and...I mean...I've never had a serious relationship. I want to get married one day, and have someone I love I want babies. I want a family. Do you think that'll happen?"

"I think..." I hesitate. "I think you'll meet someone." I say. "And I think you'll fall in love. You're a very lovable person, Annie."

She smiles. "Thanks." She says. "You know what I think?"

"What?" I ask.

"I think you've already met someone and you don't even realize it. I don't think you'll go to a sperm bank. Something'll happen to you and the guys relationship, and you'll break up, and I think...I think he'll make it up to you, and then you'll kiss him for the first time."

"Annie, I'm not getting in a relation-"

"Doesn't it get boring living alone? Don't you want someone to wake up to? Don't you want to have someone sneak up behind you in the kitchen and wraps their arms around your waist? Someone that loves you? You need someone that refuses to let you pay, and when you pitch a fit, he doesn't put up with it, and instead of you breaking up with him like you did with Gale, you'll deal with it, because you'll love him." she pauses for a deep breath and stops walking, turning to face me. "Don't you want someone that'll be there when you cry? Don't you want someone who you're independent with? You can share independence, Katniss! Why don't you want that? Tell me."

Honestly, I don't know why. "I don't know, I just...I want to be able to be me."

"That's the thing about love." She whispers. "You can be you with them. They love you for who you are."

"But marriage is just a piece of paper and a piece of jewelry." I mutter.

"But it's so much more than that. Sure, you want kids, but what happens when they get older? What happens if you have a doctor's appointment? What if I don't leave near you? Who'll pick your kids up from school? Who's going to be there when you get into a fight to stand up for you? Don't you want someone that'll love you for you? You think it doesn't exist, but it does. I've seen it. Sure, I don't have it, but you just said I will one day. And you know what? I think you will too. No matter how much you disagree with me, you'll have someone, and I can't wait. I can't wait to see you in love. Someone already loves you, and you don't even realize it. Tell me, when you get off of work, do you eel excited?"

"No, I want to stay at work."

"Why?" she asks. "Because you love horses?"

I nod.

"Don't you want to love your job, but be excited to go home, because you want to see the face of the person you love?"

"I don't know." I whisper. "Love is complicated."

"It's only complicated because you're making it complicated."

"How do you know?"

"Because I grew up with my parents, who are desperately in love, and with your parents, who are desperately in love. How does your Mama look at your Daddy?"

"Like she can't live without him. Like he's her other half."

"Don't you want that?" she whispers.

"Maybe...I don't know."

"What about the way Jacob and Maple were looking at each other yesterday when Maple was born? Did you see the passion? The love? As it so strong you could feel it?"

"Yes." I whisper.

"Don't you want to feel that in your body for someone else? Don't you want someone that you never want to be away from?"

Yes, I think I do. "Yes." I whisper. "but..."

"But what, Katniss? Love is an extraordinary thing. It's stronger that anything in the world. It's stronger than hope."

I still remember that day, when I was so scared Mama was going to die, and Maple was calm. Mama had stage four breast cancer, and they saved her. She almost died. I was so mad at Maple because she wasn't panicking. I asked her why, and she said she has hope. She said hope is the only thing stronger than fear.

Is it possible that there is something stronger than even hope?

Yes. I know there is, because I've seen in in Maple and Jacob, and in Mama and Daddy, and Uncle Hale and Aunt Karen.

Maybe I do want that one day.

"If I found it," I whisper, "It would take a lot."

"Katniss, I think you already have found it, you just can't feel it yet."

"In Gale?" I ask.

All she does is shakes her head, and then changes the subject to who I think she'll fall in love with, and then we end up laughing because I tell her she's going to love Shrek.

"I want someone with...with green eyes." She smiles and sits back. "Someone taller than me. I want someone that's a cocky bastard, but soften up for me, and the people he holds close to his heart. If he hits on every girl, I don't care. If he stays faithful, I'll be okay. I want someone true. Someone that isn't afraid to be him. I...I want him to love fishing, and...he'll love the ocean, and...he'll be...I don't know, at least seven inches."

We both burst out laughing. "Maybe lower your standards, Annie."

She shakes her head. "He's out there somewhere." She whispers, looking up at the clouds. "I just haven't found him yet. My prince charming exists." She pauses. "He doesn't have to know how to cook. He can burn every meal for all I care. He want him to be a clean freak, but if he's not, I'll make him clean. I want someone that'll hold me when I cry, and show up with chocolates."

I smile. "Sounds nice."

She nods. "It is."