Straight To You

seven

When Dad's rage was finally over, he fell to the ground with his head in his hands and cried. I don't know how long he cried, because time was still moving so slowly to me. I just remember the way his broad shoulders shook, like he was no longer in control of his body. It was almost shocking to see my father so vulnerable, as up until that point he'd been handling everything we'd had to live through so strongly. Seeing my father cry like that had been almost like a wake up call to me, reminding me that even the strongest of people have their weak moments.

The rest of that day moved slowly. Everything felt foreign. Mom was gone. We had no clue when she was coming back. I don't know what Dad thought about Mom's disappearance, but I refused to believe that she wasn't coming back. Every morning in the days that followed, that was the first thing I asked my dad: "When is Mom coming back?"

I would have never admitted it to my dad, but part of me was angry, too. It was a terrible thing to think, but I was mad at my mother. Mad at her for leaving. Not just for leaving the house, but for leaving. Ever since she heard the news about her miscarriage, part of her had disappeared, and Dad and I were left wondering if Mom would ever come back. When she actually left, we had to ask ourselves that question in the literal and figurative sense.

But, mostly, I was mad at my mom because I hadn't been enough. I hadn't been enough as an only child. I hadn't been enough to make her happy again after the news of her miscarriage destroyed her. I wasn't even enough to make her stay in the first place. She just . . . left me. Without even saying goodbye.

As much as I hated the fact, I knew part of me could never forgive her for that. Mom had broken our hearts, and it was up to me and Dad to pick up the pieces.

I guess I'm still picking mine up.

• • •

A week after first moving to town, I can honestly say I feel like I've lived in Aster Pines my whole life.

It's a weird thing to admit, as I'm not used to the feeling of belonging. I hadn't expected to like living here. Really, I hadn't expected to like anything since Mom left. But I really do like living in this small town, as there's something about the place I find comforting. Plus, it makes Dad happy being back in his hometown. That's enough to keep me here for years, as all I've wanted for my father is for him to find the happiness he deserves.

Everything about Aster Pines feels normal to me. I have friends that I laugh with in class and eat lunch with. I stop by the gym to see my dad every other day, which is nice. Sometimes I even visit Elena in the front office, who never fails to make me laugh by telling me stories about my dad when he was my age.

The only thing I don't like about Aster Pines so far is everyone's obsession with Jack Crawford. It doesn't matter whether I'm at school, the store, or home, I can't escape him. At school, the girls fawn over him like he's a puppy. At home, my dad can't stop talking about him, assuring me that Jack will most definitely play for the NFL as soon as he leaves college.

It's exhausting. When it comes to the Crawford men, I much prefer Lucas.

"Ugh," Lana groans, taking her usual seat in front of me at our table in the cafeteria by the window.

"What now?" I ask with a teasing grin. Somehow, I've become used to smiling in the past week. It's nice having something to smile about again; to feel normal for even just a few moments.

"Let me guess," Lucas says, sliding into his usual seat next to me. "A guy asked you out, but you're too nice to say no?"

"Please." I roll my eyes at Lucas, offering him a smile at Lana's expense. "If a guy asked Lana out, she would say yes even if he was the joker."