Ikigai

108 9 8
                                    

Taheyung's P.O.V.

We were walking down the river, it was a peaceful afternoon. Only few people passing by.

Jungkook was walking near me, I could see that he was still scared of otheres seeing him in his true colours.

"Tae..why do people stare so much?"

"They don't have anything else to do." I gave him a simple answer and he frowned.

"What is wrong with your answer? It is too short and easy to understand." I smiled.

"So you like my philosophy then, hm?" he nodded rather happily.

"I love when you give me complicated answers, they might be perplexed but I'm happy once I get what you wanted to say." I nodded.

"Tae, why don't I understand a lot of it though?"

"Ah, you see, you are still little. When baby is born it sluggishly learns how to walk, then talk and so on. Older people are learning how to understand things as they grow up. Once you're older and wiser you will understand me more." I said lightning a cigarrete between my lips.

"Why do you smoke?"

"I honestly don't know. Maybe to feel power? Cigarrete is toxic, it kills. Yet I'm still here talking to you, I'm holding death between my lips and I'm not dead." He smiled.

"You are weird." I nodded.

"I know" I watched the smoke of my ciggarete creating an ineffable pictures in the air.

"Are you scared of death?" He asks, going through the smoke with his fingers.

"Maybe. Sometimes. Death is just a metaphor for something that is comming, we don't know if it is good or bad, we just guess the worst. Society taught us that death is the end. But I don't think so, maybe death is beautiful? Just maybe, but I don't know that for sure. But sometimes, it's not that I'm scared, but I just want to stay on this level, with you next to me. You make me happy, so I wish for death not to come. Not to take away my happiness, I doubt I'll have you on the next level." He just looked at me.

"You're so brave..I'm scared of death..so, so scared. I'm scared that once I die I will be surrounded by internal darkness, that I would be in some kind of trans and never wake up from it. Sometimes I wish to die, since life is not easy, but I'm scared, so damn scared.." he whispered hugging me thighly.

"There is no reason for you to be scared my flower. There is always next level. When flower rot, it leaves seeds and new flower grows up. The new flower might be more beautiful or it might be ugly. But it is still the same flower and people love it equally. Though, you should not think about death, my darling. It is still long life waiting for you. So many adventures could happen tomorrow. Do not waste happiness for thinking of the things you don't have proof for. It is stupid to think about death when you don't know what will happen, don't you think so?" he nodded.

"Sing to me." I said and he looked at me.

"Sing me your favourite song." I lighted up another ciggaret and he nodded.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.

I smiled hearing the song he had choosen, he was indeed speacial.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still-frames in your mind
Hang them on a shelf in good health and good time.

Photographs in my mind..my mind is full of those, with my bunny boy smiling.

Tattoo's of memories and dead skin on trial

Questioning my memories/decisions and holding my former self responsible for past decisions. But my former self is still me and I respect that.

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

It still does, it always will.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life.

I did.

With that he finished and I smiled.

"Your voice is orphic my darling." I said, still smoking on this toxic ciggarete.

He blushed maddly and whispered soft thanks, playing with the hem of his jumper.

"You like green day?" he nodded.

"Yes, do you?"

"I do, I like how Billie writes his songs. He isn't scared to show the mood that he is feeling at that moment and that is beautiful my darling. He is being who he is, he doesn't like America's politics, he says it. He is feeling broken, he says it. He is feeling rebelious, he says it. It is one of the greatest things human can own. He loves himself. He feels something, he writes it and shows himself to the world, not worring about what they have to say about it. " He smiled. And gave me small flower.

"What is your favourite song?"

"Mine? Hm, let me sing it and you tell me if you know it, fine?" He nodded and sat on my lap, his legs around my waist.

I'm so happy because today
I've found my friends
They're in my head
I'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you.

We've broken our mirrors
Sunday morning is everyday for all I care
And I'm not scared.
Light my candles in a daze
'Cause I've found god.

Hey, hey, hey
I'm so lonely but that's okay I shaved my head
And I'm not sad
And just maybe I'm to blame for all I've heard
But I'm not sure
I'm so excited, I can't wait to meet you there
But I don't care.
I'm so horny but that's okay
My will is good.

Hey, hey, hey
I like it, I'm not gonna crack
I miss you, I'm not gonna crack
I love you, I'm not gonna crack
I killed you, I'm not gonna crack
I like it, I'm not gonna crack
I miss you, I'm not gonna crack
I love you, I'm not gonna crack
I killed you, I'm not gonna crack.

I'm so happy 'cause today
I've found my friends,
They're in my head
I'm so ugly, that's okay, 'cause so are you,

Broke our mirrors
Sunday morning is everyday for all I care,
And I'm not scared
Light my candles in a daze
'Cause I've found god.

Yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like it, I'm not gonna crack
I miss you, I'm not gonna crack
I love you, I'm not gonna crack
I killed you, I'm not gonna crack
I like it, I'm not gonna crack
I miss you, I'm not gonna crack
I love you, I'm not gonna crack
I killed you, I'm not gonna crack

He pouted. "I've never heard that one before."

"I guessed so already darling. Nirvana is one strange band. You will like them maybe, just maybe." I looked at him, bringing the ciggarete closer to my lips and when I was about to realese the smoke he kissed me and I just filled his mouth with the smoke

He cought a bit, but smiled later.

"I like that."

"You like what?" I raised one of my eyebrows.

"The taste of death from your lips." he kissed me again.

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