suicide ✕ lrh

04

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It's like the whole week Ana felt amazing. She went seven days clean and it was for no particular reason. She just forgot about her desire to die, for now. It was a given that she'd cut again, no doubt.

"Guys, guess what?" Ana squealed to the guys as she ran out side to greet them, they came over to hangout.

"Someones a little happy today." Luke chuckled kissing her cheek as she waited for them to guess.

"Okay, you got us One Direction or Justin Bieber tickets." Michael giggled as if that's what Ana's big news was. He and Ana were fans of the two, a little too big of fans.

"Sadly no, god would I love to see Niall grab his crotch." Ana sighed. She wasn't acting her normal self and it scared Luke and Calum but they liked this Ana. This Ana was happy.

"Hey!" Luke whines and she laughed kissing him to make him feel better. This isn't what Ana normally would do, she would just say sorry.

"Anyways, I'm seven days clean." Ana tells the boys and Calum was first to react. Calum has always disliked the idea of her cutting, but he always stood by her side. No matter what.

"God, that is awesome Ana. If you could just go forever, can't you? I hate to know you harm yourself and I can't do anything to stop you." Calum engulfs Ana in a hug, she was small and short compared to all the boys, so when he hugged her she was lifted off of her feet.

"I don't know, maybe. That'd be something new and unusual." she mumbles, not really wanting to think about it. Ana was proud, going this long without the need to cut.

"I love you and I'm proud of you." Luke whispers in her ear, she turns smiling at him. Startling him, she goes for his lips, kissing him hungrily.

"Ana, Luke, knock it off. You guys never do this, but when you do, you get out of hand." Michael complains and they pull apart. Luke smiles at her and they all walk into the house.

"Have you told Ash?" Luke asks and the other boys look at her. Ana sighed and looked at her.

"No, he wouldn't care." Ana shrugged. She was proud of herself for going this long without cutting, but Ash seemed to not give a shit about anything. He only cared if someone was dying or if he was getting something out of it. He wasn't the type to always care and help out, it was rare when he did.

"Ana, stop fucking lying to yourself. Ashton would care." Calum rolls his eyes, Ashton and Cal were really close and Cal didn't like when someone would talk crap about him. Frankly, Calum didn't like when anyone would talk crap about his friends.

"Language!" Ashton shouted as he walked in smirking. "And what would I care about?" he adds sitting between Calum and Michael. Luke and Ana sat on the other couch across from them.

"Ana is seven days clean." Michael smiles, he was clearly really happy and proud of Ana. They are practically brother and sister.

"That's awesome, that's why you've been all jumpy lately." Ashton laughs standing and putting his shoes on.

He grabbed his car keys and cigarettes from the shelf near the front door and walked out not saying a word. None of them bothered asking where he was going. It wasn't unusual that he'd just get up and leave.

Michael looked at Ana and she quickly nodded her head.

"Pizza time!" Ana and Michael yelled as Calum took his phone out to order the food. It was a tradition, they would order pizza an spend the night together. Calum's job was to order it. That's how it worked.

;

It has been a few hours since the the guys got there. Calum left to go see that girl he went on a date with, Michael is downstairs asleep, Luke and Ana are in her room doing nothing. Ana has been avoiding the topic Luke seems to always bring up.

"Are you going to ever stop?" Luke asks and Ana takes in a deep breath. She didn't like answering this question. All Ana did was give him the same answer.

"Yeah, I'll stop. When I'm dead." Ana has came back to being herself. Her short lived happiness was obviously over. It wasn't bound to last forever.

Ana knew that Luke was tired of hearing her talk that way, but it was simple. He can just break it off and be happy with another girl, who isn't always wanting to die. Luke just loved Ana too much to leave her. If he did, Ana would do what she has been wanting to do for so long. To go to the safe in her basement and get the gun that belonged to her dad. She has been holding off doing that, it would be her last resort.

"You should go now." Ana speaks sitting up from her bed and looking at Luke. Ana did this sometimes, she would get uncomfortable or irritated and want Luke to leave.

"Whatever." Luke simply states. He was over all the bullshit Ana has been giving him. "I try so damn hard to make you happy and it doesn't work. Do you even love me? It seems like you don't even want to be with me. Fuck." Luke throws her pillow onto the floor, standing up from his spot on the bed.

"Of course I do, how could you say that?" Ana was now offended that Luke would think she didn't love him. Ana loved Luke so much it hurt.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe the fact that you want to fucking kill yourself." Luke snapped, he was now mad and was going to tell Ana how he felt. Luke walked over to Ana's dresser and pulled out her box of blades and pills. He opened the window and threw it out.

"Luke! What the hell is wrong with you?" She cried out and he looked at her with no emotion. Luke had good intentions, Ana was just too stubborn to realize that.

"Nothing is wrong with me. I'm just trying to help my girlfriend." He countered and Ana screamed.

"Leave! Get out, leave me alone!" Ana pushed him out of her room and Luke had no choice but to obey her and leave.

Luke would never understand why Ana wants to die. She never tells him, she hasn't told anyone. All Luke wanted was to help Ana, he wanted to stop her from harming herself. It was impossible though, Ana was already too messed up to be fixed. She would always have the urge to take her life, even when she is at her happiest.

One time, Michael and Calum took Ana out for her birthday in sixth grade. They went ice skating and bowling, typical for them. When they were out, Ana had told them that she cut. It was her first time cutting, the day before they took her out. Michael had gotten really upset with Ana and didn't talk to her for a month. He then realized, that she wasn't going to stop and he needed his best friend so he forgave her. Calum never left Ana's side, he wasn't any better than Michael, it's just Michael was more affected.

They're still affected.

{okay this sucked ass. it had way too much dialogue than intended. oops.. is anyone going to the wwa show on september 11th at the rosebowl in LA?}