Innocence

Vivianne

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Love.

The four-lettered word was a mellifluous illusion of its own kind. It was dangerously deceptive with its opulent manner of entrapping its victims, luring them even deeper, promising them of excitement so exquisite that it could quench the thirsts of the most insatiable throats by a mere sip. It was a daunting opponent, one so easy to succumb to, like a fruit so delicious to eat that one could only uncover the damage after it was done. It was like stealing honey from a bee, to enjoy its saccharine syrup for that fleeting moment before the bees came to sting. To me, Love was an unconquerable archenemy-easy to challenge but difficult to win against.

I debated my misgivings as the rejuvenating cold night air hit my face. I placed a hand on my heart and quietly willed it to stop racing so fast. At ten twenty-three late into the night, I had found myself standing at the back-end hallway, through the fire exit of a cinema hall.

"What are you doing here mid-movie?" I turned around at the voice that sounded from behind me.

I had slipped out of an on-going movie as stealthily as I could to make peace with my bubbling emotions. But it seemed that my actions had not gone as unnoticed as I had hoped for the lead actor of the very movie was standing before me in the cold outside, his hair all tangled up due to the wind and without a coat or cover of any kind. His light pink lips were turning paler by the second.

Just when I was beginning to pull myself together, to put my unchartered feelings into place, he had shown up. And looking at him, I was suddenly unsure of my own thoughts.

I was bewildered, unable to understand as to why he would follow me all the way out from his own movie premiere. "I-I..." My teeth chattered and words stuttered. My usual confidence had disappeared and in front of him, I found myself defenceless.

"Is something wrong?" His handsome face was pulled to a frown, his worry evident.

I searched and looked around for something to say, to respond, to douse the undeserved worry I was receiving from him but words had left me.

The only thing that was wrong there was the feeling that had surged up in my chest then. And I knew it.

"There's somewhere I have to be," was all I could muster before I turned and walked away into the dark of the night.

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I was already a few dozen shots down when the tears finally came. The barman was already jaded by my tiresome rants and had asked me to lay off the drinks and simply head home. I reckoned he had already lent an ear to many such broken-hearted spirits, recently more than before as valentine's neared.

But I could not be helped. I was wallowing in my own misery, drunk out of my wits, bashing the counter with my fists and making a scene as the tears burst forth like water from a dam, unyielding and unstoppable.

I had sobbed and questioned myself. Why? Why had I fallen in love with a man that I knew could not be mine?

And as I remembered the times we had spent together, I wondered.

Why was it that he had been so kind to me? Why did he have to care for my wounds when the movie set broke down unexpectedly? He could've left the set right away. Why had he searched for me and helped me out from under the broken pillars?

And then the recent events popped into my mind. Why had he followed me out of the movie hall when he could have enjoyed the movie, sitting safely next to his alleged girlfriend?

Those hushed laughs, furtive glances across the room, good-bye hugs and late night texts, was it all for the sake of friendship? Was it all there was to it?

I frowned as I downed another glass and lay my head on the counter.

It was unfair, I thought as I was pushed up to sit straight by a cold hand on my shoulder, another stroking my thigh. I could tell that I did not like it, that I detested those cold hands on my skin but my sight was dizzy and I could feel the control over myself lessen, my reigns slipping away as a familiar face came into view.

My face brightened up suddenly and I called out to him in the room that seemed to shake and dance along to some music. I did not remember what expression he had worn then but soon, the cold hands of the stranger's were replaced by his warm ones. His hands roamed over my face carefully, his touch burning through my skin like fire, a touch so loving that it felt like home.

I had marvelled in that feeling, smiling like a goof as I muttered his name over and over again.

"Alistair." his name felt so right on my lips, so warm that I giggled into his chest.

He held me close, his hands around me. He carried me in his arms as I faced the stars, as I faced him.

And suddenly another tear left my eye. Why? "Why do you not love me?" I whispered.

But he did not respond. He was silent, careful as he carried me through the cold and abandoned city streets, through the blinking starry night and through the door of a house.

"Why?" I had brought my face up to him as he carefully dropped me on the bed.

"Sleep, Vivianne. We will talk tomorrow, alright?" He spoke finally.

He caressed my cheeks once more and looked into my eyes like everything was going to be alright. His words were soft, his voice was a lullaby to my ears.

But I was adamant. I did not require sleep, I needed answers. "Why are lou slo handsome?" I teared up as I pinched his cheeks, feeling his soft skin under my skin. "Lou have sluch great skin!"

I could see his eyes widen in surprise as he pulled away from my grasp. I had never been so direct with my compliments before but it was safe to say that I had enough liquid courage in my system to back me up for the night.

He coughed a bit and pushed me back onto the bed, pulling the linen covers over me. "Sleep, Vivianne."

I resisted the sheets and pushed them away with my feet. "Please." He urged.

This time, I obeyed. I let him remove the heels off my feet and I let him cover me with warm bedding while I looked into his eyes. He never broke eye contact with me and ran his hands through my hair, away from my face. But me? My eyes only saw his lips. Were they as soft as they looked?

And as he turned to leave me, I held his warm hand in mine. "Stay." I mumbled before the darkness enveloped me completely.

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Word Count: 1193
Date Published: 07.02.2019

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