Find Yourself

Who Are My Friends?

I'm not sure if I forgot to mention my age. So in case you wanted to know, I'm 16. My age isn't something I like to blabber about, caring about my age got old when I turned 11. My family never really celebrated. I guess they wanted to have a lazy day and something. I had other plans and snuck out to hang out with my friends. Not that I had many. It was mostly Trish and I throughout the years but their were some other people that came along. Joel was a nice kid. Not that nice though. He was the type that stuck for the jokes and left when there was basically anything other than a stupid meme. I used to text him a lot, but I stopped when I was about 13 because he was being a real jerk. He was basically overall, a bad friend. But that was ok because I had Trish, and she was my best friend. I believed she would always be there for me, but lately I think we've been losing each other. It's really heartbreaking too. I always thought we were forever friends, but I guess sometimes dreams really don't come true. Sorry, that got a little sad. But now that I think about it, I'm not sure if I really want to see her. I could feel tears welling up my eyes. I sat up in confusion. I wasn't sure why I was crying but I think it had something to do with Trish. I smoothly slide of the side of my bed. I watch my feet slowly touch the cool wood floor. My eyes look over a sea of dirty clothes that silently lay across my unswept floor. I wipe the tears that flow down my rosy cheeks. I realize my breathing is shaky. Yeesh, I didn't know I got so emotional about Trisha. I tiptoe around all of my clothes, thinking about how gross it all is and how I should probably clean it all up. I decide I'm too lazy and open the door to my room. As I walk out of my room, I feel heat surround me. I quickly close my door behind me, I don't want the heat in my room. I always keep my window open during the winter because the heat is always blasted too much. It's always up to like eighty and something! So I always open the window and stick my box fan between the handle and the frame. That way the heat leaves really fast and the cold gets in really fast. One after the other, my feet move swiftly as I walk down the steep stairs. The creak of the stairs forever ingrained in my memory. I whistle a tune softly as the rough and stained carpeting pressed on the soles of my feet. The roughness of the almost hard carpet scratched at my feet as I made my way down the stairs.

I remember one time when I was little. I had tripped and fell down the stairs. There was a sharp needle I had abandoned the week before that I scraped my cheek on as I fell. I lift my hand to feel at the small and almost invisible scar that had marked my face. I pinch it softly and continue my way down. Finally, I reach the bottom of the stairs and My foot pressed against the freezing tiled floor. Then the next foot. I inhale deeply, taking in the cool air. I hold my breath. I wait. I exhale deeply.

The wall looks like something you'd see in a horror movie, likely because my house is very old. No, it's not actually my house. My parents own it, I brought up my mistake because my friends typically bother me about my grammar. I don't mind very much, I'm very used to it. I know what you're thinking, you're thinking,

"I thought you didn't have any friends other than Trisha!" And you're right. Well, mostly. They aren't really my friends, more of 'in school friends.' They couldn't really care less. They are much like Joel. I need to be social so I stick around them. I don't need any teachers coming up to me asking where my friends are. Yep, teachers actually did that to me. I just kinda looked at them and said,

"They're all dead." I chuckle to myself, thinking about the look on that teachers face when I said that. They just kinda walked away without a word. For the rest of the year she gave me weird looks, so I stared at her with my best poker-face. It was actually quite hilarious, once she noticed me looking at her, she would turn pale and turn away. Later that year that same teacher was fired for taking drugs during her lunch break so chances are, she actually believed me and thought I was a psychopath. I think it's funny.