Not Strong Enough

Tanya

"And?" the lady prompted.

I hoped with all my might that they hadn't noticed that I had gotten stiff as a board, but I couldn't really help myself. That was my instant reaction to the dread that had filled me then. This was not happening. Please god, let this be a stupid nightmare. Let me wake up now, and breathe a sigh of relief.

No such luck.

There was a moment of silence, before Gabriel spoke again, "I don't know, but I just want to make sure."

"Make sure what?" the lady prompted.

"I can't really put it into words, but when I touched her today, I felt something. We didn't make much of an eye contact, it was just a brief while, but- " he broke off.

He wasn't sure about what he felt, which was a good thing, right? My breathing started to ease as I forced my body to relax.

"Are you saying what I think you are saying?" she asked him.

"Is it possible for a person to have two mates?" Gabriel sounded confused, and unsure.

"I have never seen it, but history has examples of it happening."

There was a tense silence, and I could feel their heavy gazes on me, as I kept my eyed shut tightly, and did my best to pretend I was really knocked out.

I am not sure how much time passed, but finally the lady manged to convince Gabriel to leave. I breathed a sigh of relief, as soon as the door closed behind him.

"He is gone. You can open your eyes now," the lady said.

Surprised, I opened my eyes, and then sat up. Standing in front of me was a girl. She looked almost in her early twenties, not exactly what I was expecting, judging from her voice. I was expecting someone my mothers's age, but definitely not someone this young, or pretty.

She came over and sat on the chair next to me, examining me the whole time.

"You knew I was awake?" I finally asked, to break the silence that was getting awkward.

"Uh-huh." came the non comittal reply. But I saw the corners of her lips twitch upwards slightly, which I took as  gesture of friendliness.

She held out a hand, "Tanya." she introduced herself.

I took her hand, "Claire."

"Its true, isn't it?" I got a feeling that it wasn't a question.

"What?" I asked, trying to fake innocence.

"You are his true mate, aren't you? That totally makes sense. I knew Jessica was bogus since the day she walked into Gabe's life. That girl is a selfish bitch. I would rather kill myself than put up with a mate like her. I always knew Gabe deserved better."

I stayed silent, terrified that my worst fears were coming true. I could visualize everything I had worked so hard for going down the drain. But the most disturbing thing was not any of those things pissed me off more than Tanya calling Gabriel 'Gabe'. Not only were they on first name basis, they had nicknames? I had practically witnessed how comfortable Gabriel was with her, and that bothered me. And the fact that she was so good looking just added fuel to the fire. She was the very definition of perfection, and I hated her for it. The girl even had dimples. Could she get any better?

"So, what is the deal with you?" she asked again.

"Huh?"

"When are you going to own up to him? I am taking the answer to be nowhere in the near future, because you obviously went to great lengths to avoid it. But what is your motive behind it? Why would you want to leave him in the illusion that he is stuck with a bitch for a mate for the rest of eternity? More importantly, why would you do that to yourself? Do you love someone else?"

Even though I didn't really like this girl very much, I totally loved it whenever she called Jessica a bitch. I thought it over, about how best to answer her question, and decided to tell her the truth. Due to my own fault, Gabriel was on my tail now, and he was not going to let the matter rest so easily. In that case, having someone he trusted on my side would definitely be a plus. And even though I didn't like her very much, I knew she was trustworthy, and honest. She would understand, and keep my secret. So I told her the whole story, from the start, and by the end, her eyes went as wide as saucers.

"Just one thing," she said, "How did you prevent him from finding the truth this long?"

I shrugged, "Contact lenses."

"Holy shit! That twilight bullshit actually works?" she laughed.

Her laughter was contagious, and I couldn't help but crack a smile. "Apparently."

"I understand your concerns, and your issues, but are you sure you want to go through with this? Gabe is not the kind of person to force anythinb upon you that you do not wish to do. All you have to do is talk to him about it. He will understand, trust me." Tanya said on a more serious note.

I sighed, "For as long as I have known Alpha Hawke, he seems like a genuinely nice person. But I don't know him that well to bestow that level of trust upon him. It is not me, but the future of my pack that depends upon it. My pack will always be my first responsibility, and there is no way of predicting weather Alpha Hawke is going to be okay with that. There is a fifty percent chance of failure, and where my pack is concerned, I don't take chances."

"I must admit that I am impressed to see the level of dedication you have towards your pack. I admire it. You have the makings of a good Alpha. But I still think what you are doing to Gabe is wrong. Its unfair, and unjust."

"It is a necessary evil. I have to make sacrifices for the greater good."

"You can bring happiness to nobody if you yourself are filled with pain and unhappiness. And this isn't only about you, you know. Shouldn't Gabe have a say in this too?"

"He is happy with Jessica." I replied monotonously.

"Says who?" Tanya enquired.

That puzzled me, "Isn't he?"

"Gabe is similar to you in that respect. When he makes a commitment, he keeps it, no matter what. It becomes his duty, and his duty is his religion. He is very stiff that way. I tell him to chill out and let go every once in a while, but he never listens. But, getting back to the point, he has comitted to Jessica, and he will never back away from it, because he thinks that he would be failing in his duty as a mate. His happiness or unhappiness is immaterial to him in front of his duty. But knowing him as long as I have, I know he is not happy. He never expresses it. I doubt he has even voiced it to himself, but he is dissatisfied, because their relationship is lacking. Because Jessica is not you."

"You are only making this harder for me." I whispered.

"No, I am merely trying to show you the other side of the story. If you think Gabe is happy in his current situation, you couldn't be further away from reality. He doesn't know it himself, but deep down, he is pining for you. I never believed it myself, but my suspicions were confirmed today. The way hecarried you in, and was so anxious to look into your eyes and realize that you were his mate. The desperation and conflict in him just broke my heart. All for a girl who cant get over herself and give a shit about him."

The last part of her sentence really got to me. Maybe it was the fact that she swore at me, or maybe it was her refrence that I did not deserve Gabriel. Or maybe I was just bored and irritated, and wanted to yell. " That ia right. I am selfish, and I am self centered. And I really don't give a shit about him! I don't care if he is happy or not, or weather he is waiting for me! But I have no place for him- neither in my life, nor my heart. So he can spend his eternity with Jessica, or wallow in his misery alone, but there is no way in hell I am accepting him as my mate!" I ranted. I was so angry, I wanted to strangle the life out of her.

Fearing I was about to do something rash, I rushed towards the door, and stormed out, making sure to slam the door behind me as hard as I could.