Unforgettable

22.

I can't be having an identity crisis at thirty, over a twenty two year old none the less.

He's so young, and has so much ahead of him, he said he's never been in love, if I were to hypothetically even entertain the idea of anything between him and I, how could I throw away who I've been for most of my life for someone that might get bored in a few years?

He deserves so much more than someone like me, someone his own age that doesn't come with all of this baggage.

I'm damaged goods, and I know that which is why I guess I'm lucky Dylan puts up with me.

I love Harry way too much to play hide and seek with my sexuality, when I don't even think I could be with a man, again, he deserves more than that.

I just can't get what Finn said out of my head, and his incessant lectures about how sexuality can change and grow, it's fluid and moving, not rigid and in a box.

But I have put the people around me through so much with coming out, I nearly lost everything over it and if I just up and change my mind it means I did that to all of them, and myself for nothing, how can I just do that and think it's fine?

I've been getting migraines over this ever since Harry sung that song at the bar, and Finn planted that fucking weed in my brain.

And for god sake it would help if Harry stopped looking so fucking kissable with each day that goes past, it's driving me up the wall.

I can't want him.

I can't lose him.

And I can't ruin what we have.

Maybe I'm just starting menopause early or something, maybe my hormones are just all out of whack and that's what's sending me so nutty.

It has to be something like that because the other alternative scares the shit out of me.

He's the one thing that feels like home to me and I don't know what I'd do if that went away after feeling it again for the first time in so long, it would feel like losing mum all over again.

"Pooh Bear!"

The loud bellowing gruff voice grabs my attention as I see my Dad striding towards us through the crowd, with an excited grin on his scruffy face and his eyes crinkled from how happy his smile is, and I want to palm myself in the face - seriously dad? In the fucking airport?

Harry unwinds his arm from me, standing straight and becoming stiff as he walks to us and I grab his hand giving it a reassuring squeeze before Dad reaches us.

My dad drops his duffle bag from his shoulder as he gets to us, throwing large his arms out on his wide frame that's just as tall.

I probably should have warned Harry that my dad looks kind of intimidating with his large size and skin covered in tattoos, but he's always just been a big soft teddy bear to me.

"There's my girl! Come give me some sugar!" he muses, and I roll my eyes, grinning back at him as I close the distance and he damn near crushes me with a hug.

"Dad" I wheeze "Air....Breathing...Can't"

He laughs loudly, pulling back and grasping my face in his hands as he pats his hands against my cheeks "You get more beautiful everytime I see you, god you're lucky you got your looks from your old man"

I pull his hands from my face, shaking my head at him as I roll my eyes again, fighting my smile "How was your flight?"

"Bullshit" he scoffs, and I can tell he's about to rant "Fifteen hours of listening to the cockhead next to me complain about the Wi-Fi not working, saying it'll be a miracle if he ever flies with this airline again. Do you know what the miracle is mate?!"