Summary: Based off the episode of friends called 'the one with the list' OR Bucky can't decide between you or his current girlfriend. He makes a list to help him decide
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You and Bucky were great friends, but you had always felt like you should be more than that. The timing was never right and right now it was because Bucky was dating Amber. They had been dating for a few weeks and it had been painful to watch and everybody knew it. It got to a point where you couldn't even be in the same room as them. You were pretty cold to Amber and you felt bad because it wasn't her fault and she has never done anything wrong, but you couldn't help it.
Bucky was starting to pick up on it though and one day it resulted in a massive fight. Bucky was talking about Amber to you, Sam, Steve, Nat, and Wanda around the island in the kitchen. You were pointedly trying not to listen as you read the morning paper, but you couldn't not listen. Pretty soon you were rolling your eyes and you scoffed a few times at what he was saying. It was about the third scoff when Bucky slammed his mug down and stopped mid-sentence to say, "what is your problem?".
You sip your coffee and place it on the counter before laying the newspaper flat and looking up at Bucky with an innocent face, "I don't know what you mean Buck". Everyone else was starting to slowly get up from their seats as Bucky says, "don't 'Buck' me. You know exactly what I mean Y/N. Every time I mention Amber you roll your eyes or make disgusted noises. You treat her like shit when she's here and quite frankly I'm getting sick of it. It's like you don't want me to be happy".
Your blood boils at his last sentence and you see everyone wince at his last words. You get up from the stool, shaking slightly in anger, "I don't want you to be happy?! You couldn't be further from the truth if you tried". Everyone had left by this point as your voices were steadily rising.
"Really Y/N? Because from where I'm sitting it sure seems like you don't care about my happiness".
"Wow, that's low James. Who was there for you when you had nightmares? Who was there for you when you didn't want to sleep alone? Who was there for you when you needed advice on how to ask Amber out? Who was there for you when you didn't know what to do for her on valentine's day? I could go on and on Bucky about how I've tried to help you because all I've ever wanted was for you to be fucking happy".
"Then why are you being like this with Amber now?! I just don't get it". You watch him stand and make his way to stand in front of you, anger blazing in his eyes as he studies you.
"Because it keeps getting harder! It keeps getting harder to watch you with her! And I've tried Bucky, I really have, but I can't do it anymore. I can't hear about you and her, I can't watch you and her-", Bucky cuts off your outburst as he whispers, "why?".
You sigh as you lower your voice to his level, trying to remain calm against your raging heart, "because I love you...and watching you with her is tearing me apart". You lift your eyes up to his shocked ones as you wait for the rejection...But it never comes.
