Joshua Bliss

Chapter 19: Official Making Up

"Josh," I whispered, gently rocking him so that he'd wake up.

His eyes fluttered open, and he looked at me with a tiring look. "Are they home yet?" He mumbled, as his eyes were shutting back slowly. I didn't think he was fully awake though, because his eyes were barely even open. And I'm assuming what he said was from a dream or something.

"Are who home?" I wondered, sitting down on the floor beside him. I wasn't trying to be nosey or anything, I was just curious about who he was talking about; and maybe talking to him and keeping a conversation would make him wake up.

"Mom and dad," He said slowly, and now his eyes were completely shut, and I think he went back to sleep. I didn't ask him anything else, but I decided to just let him sleep. I got up off of the floor and sat on the bed. I braced to the wall on the side of it, and sighed, I feel like I'm losing everything. I lost my brother to some girl that's probably cheating on him. I so bet she is, because Josh was about to say it in the car yesterday and she told him to shut up. And I don't even want to think up any other excuse that could possibly explain what he meant by "your other..." If only he just talked fast enough for Kendrick to hear, if only I had any proof that she was cheating, but I had none. I also lost my two best friends, the first close friends I've ever had, and I lost the only thing closest to a friend. Josh was mad at me, and he even said that he wouldn't be talking to me after this whole thing. I was so hoping that he had forgiven me and after all of this we might have been able to have some sort of a friendship, but I guess not.

Who do I even have right now? Sophie, Dustin and Carter? They aren't even my friends; those are Josh's friends that probably just feel bad about me so they let me hang out with them. Yeah Sophie's nice and likes me and all, but it's nothing like actual friends or anything. Every time I'm with her, or with Dustin or Carter, I just feel like they aren't friends of my own. And plus it makes me think that I stole them from Josh somehow, because he doesn't even talk to them. And I don't know what I felt towards Josh, but I know I had some sort of feelings towards him. I was blushing over him, and I got butterflies too, and I care about him a lot, but I don't know what I feel. I don't know if I like him, or if I'm just in desperate need of him being my friend, but there's something, and I don't know what that something is. I looked down at him from the bed, and he looked peaceful when he slept, but I kept thinking about what he said, if his mom and dad are home yet. Like what does that even mean?

Josh seems like a mean person on the outside, and really stuck up and rude, but he's not like that. At least I don't see him like that, because of all the things I've learnt about him. I know I didn't learn much, but from the little I know, he's not all perfect or anything as he tries to seem. And his life isn't perfect either, and that's obvious to me, because I can see the way he lives and the way he's treated at home. I think Carter knows more about him than I do, because he is his best friend, and Dustin had said that he knew a lot about him. I wish I could be that close with him, like to know what he's like and what goes on through his head. I mean, he doesn't know that about me either, but I guess if he opened up to me, I'd do the same thing. It has happened before, where we both shared a few secrets, but that was once. And it felt kind of nice talking to him about that, or just nice to at least get it out to someone. But I don't know, I feel like it's better talking to him, because I couldn't even tell Jason about all of the things I told him.

I remember the starting of school when Josh just liked me and saw me as another hot girl or whatever, but now, I don't know why he likes me. Carter told me that I'm different, that to Josh I'm not like every other girl. I really wished he would've just told me more, because now I really want to know. I want to know what he thinks of me, and why he likes me so much. I don't see anything different about me from when he first saw me, so why does he like me more all of a sudden? I sighed and hugged my legs, bracing my head back to the wall. I just want everything to be as easy as it was when I was home, nothing was ever this complicated. I felt tears prickle in my eyes as all these thoughts run through my mind, but I didn't want to cry and have Josh wake up and see me. I don't know why I'm crying over this; I know I'm not alone, I have Kendrick, but now I just feel like I am; I feel like there's no one here for me and I'm just in a dark room all by myself with nothing but my painful thoughts. I buried my face in my arms that were covered in Josh's hoodie still, but I didn't really mind, because his scent...