My mother used to call me and my sibling the Lotus flowers that grew out of muddy water. I always wondered why she would call us that, that's when I started to do my own research. I was very intrigued by what I found, that's when I connected the koi...
For so many years still, till this day, my feelings have been disregarded. I never ---and still day don't have someone that I can mentally talk to and connect with. Someone to were I can let go without being judged, they can comfort me friend wise or relationship wise, and vice versa.
I'm always the strong one not showing any emotion
But deep down inside I'm very broken picking up my puzzle pieces very slowly. Solving my own problems.
Only sometimes I would sarcastically bring up my unfortunate life situation, and try to make humor of it. I wouldn't bring too much up so I wouldn't trigger crying.
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That's when I started loving...
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When your someones lover your supposed to help them through rough times. Helping them mentally,
I've loved just a few only loving ones to the full extent.
When we date in this era we truly tend to forget about the mental part of the relationship. Talking to one another. The other should be a comfort zone when you're having a bad day you can call the other and tell them, and they would give you worthy feedback
I never had that even though I've loved and still love till this day. I never experienced that, and that's something I long for. I want to be creative with someone without having to be for both of us, do outside of the box things , share the love for music, have goals that aren't too far off from each other, knowing how to be free and not confined to life, I want to talk about politics, debates, and many other things. I want someone to love me in a different way then society portrays.
I'm tired of being a rocket bottle an evil person who holds things in till you piss me off one good time and I tell you about yourself in hurtful ways. I'm unfit to love I'm not mentally there and I won't be for a while till I combat the things that I don't talk about.
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