Scatterbrained {ConnorxReader}

~Chapter 18~

"Hey, is it okay if I wear this dress tonight?" You smiled weakly and held up the red, laced dress.
"No. It shows too much, you'll look like a slut." Mike mumbled, barely taking a glance at you. You were going out with a few friends to a restaurant.
"Oh." You tried to hide your frown. This wasn't the first time he's said something like this, but it still hurt.
"I'm joking, you know I'd never mean that." Your heart ached as the two of you met up with his friends.

"On onnn, baby." He slurred.
"No, I said I," You regained your posture as your drunken 'boyfriend' leaned against your shoulder. You were still wearing the 'slutty' dress. "I don't want to."
"Naw, it'll be fun, juss take your clothes offf..." Mike fell off of you and tried to get you on the bed.
"No, I- " You struggled to form the words you wanted to say. How badly you wanted to shove him away, scream in his face, tell him all the things he's been doing wrong.
"So ya don't love me anymorre?" He pushed you on the bed in a non-seductive manner.
"I thought you lovedd me." This wasn't going to get anywhere. If you said no, he...everything would just get worse.

Your body snapped up with a start, sharp breaths coming in and out of your lungs. This led you to your head hurting even more than it already did. Your throat was parched from lack of water. You soon realized that you were sitting on something soft, next to a comfortable presence. It was also as dark as the night sky outside. Hank's house.
"Connor, Connor!" You grabbed his shoulder. His LED spun blue as he pulled out of low-power mode.
"Y/N? You were just asleep. What's wrong?"
"I remember." Without either of you realizing it, your hands were latched onto each other. Only one lonesome pillow separated your bodies. Connor was suddenly intrigued, his once blue LED now yellow.
"Remember what?" He shifted in his seat to see your face, even if it was barely visible in the dark living room.
"Mike, our...relationship, and..." Your breath hitched in your throat. "I don't-" It hurt to talk. Your body ached. Instead of tears, all you could muster up were a few pained sounds of despair.
"He never cared." Your hands gripped themselves around your sides.
"He was just using me." You hiccuped.
"And I was too stupid to realize it." The entire house was silent. That is, until the clicks of Connor's shoes on the wood alerted you. Why was he leaving? When you heard the sink water running, you hid a smile. You fixed your hair and the pillows behind you.
"I don't think you're stupid." He reached down to hand you a glass of water. "He was manipulative. It was his fault he didn't know how to treat you- or anyone rightfully." You mumbled a 'thank you'. When you had nearly finished the drink, your fingers wrapped around the glass. It was cool, and smooth. You took the final swig of water to finish off the glass, and set it down on the coffee table in front of you.
Two strong arms reached for you. They pulled your fragile body into a hug.
"Connor-"
"I didn't want you to remember that." His voice rumbled in your ear. You loved it.
"I had a lingering suspicion that he wasn't treating you well. I didn't want that meeting to bring up traumatic memories." As he spoke, you returned the hug. Your heart fluttered in your chest and the world faded away. It was just the two of you, all to yourselves, in your own world. Your mind faded back to old memories of your first days with Hank and Connor.
"A deviant is an Android that has deviated from it's original programming." Connor mindlessly ran his fingers through your hair.
"Androids were programmed to emulate human emotions, but deviants start to feel human emotions." The two of you sat together in each other's embrace.
"They are not supposed to." When you pulled away, his eyes were the first thing you focused on. He acted too human.
"Connor...?" Your heart melted when he tilted his head to the side.
"What is it?"
"Do you ever wonder if...you could be deviant?" You cautiously asked. Your fears came true as you noticed his LED switch from the normal bright blue to dark red in a fraction of seconds. You tried to raise your voice to snap him out of his conflicting thoughts, but you failed to do so.

Her E/C, shimmering eyes searched for a response. I tried to respond but I already felt myself being pulled away.
"You're a machine designed to obey, so obey!" My body froze in the winter winds.
//REMOVE Y/N//
"...N-No! I can't do that!" The howling winds drowned out my weak voice.
"You are completely functional and able to carry out this task." I clutched my sides, fingers digging into my body. This 'task' was pointless. I didn't want to... I didn't want to carry through with it.
"I...I don't want to!" I nearly screamed.
"There's no reason to hurt her!" My LED was blinking red now. I felt overwhelmed with the new thoughts and feelings coursing through me. I couldn't handle it. How do humans live with this?
"I regret putting faith into you, Connor." Amanda's dark eyes glared into me.
"You've lost my trust."

"Connor, Connor!" You gently shook his body. Your fingers curled around his shoulders, digging into the fabric. When you had asked him the question, he suddenly seemed to shut down. Sure, his LED remained a calm yellow before switching to a flashing red. His face twitched into a distressed expression while remaining unresponsive. Your heart pounded when his bronze eyes fluttered open.
"W...what..."
"Are you okay?" Your voice was frantic.
"I'm sorry if that question s-"
"I think I'm..." His eyes were fixated on your hands, over his. "I think I'm a deviant." He trailed his vision to your face. The LED switched from yellow to red every few minutes.
"That-that's good! Right?" You smiled, clutching his hands like they were your life source. In a way, maybe they were.
"No!" Connor retorted. His hands squeezed yours.
"I...I wasn't designed to fail! This can't be happening." He was clearly distressed. You hated to see him like this.
Removing your hand from his, you moved away his jacket to place your hand where the CyberLife triangle would be. Under the buttoned-up dress shirt, you felt his beating pump regulator. It helped his thirium move throughout his body, same as your heart moved your blood. You took his hand and replaced where yours was.
"Do you feel that?" You asked.
"My thirium pump regulator." He further explained. "It regulates thirium movement throughout my body."
"It keeps you alive, right?" His machine-like answer slightly frustrated you.
"I'm not-"
"No, you...I know you feel. I've seen you express it." You pressed on.
"And that," Your pressed your hand into his, still resting on his chest. "keeps you alive. No matter if you're a machine or not."
You brought your faces closer together when you noticed his LED circle back to a sky blue. So close, that your noses brushed up against each other and your foreheads touched gently.
"I..." Connor gently spoke, releasing your hand and his. "I don't think I understand this feeling."
"That's okay." Your voice was just above a whisper. When something moved in the corner of your vision, you jumped away.
"H-Hank, I," You noticed the tired, old man step out of his bedroom alongside Sumo. "What are you doing up so late?"
"You woke me up. What are you doing?" He rubbed his eyes and leaned against the wall. Sumo drowsily followed suit, wagging his tail slowly.
"I...I don't know."
"I apologize, Lieutenant. It won't happen again." You couldn't see it, but you knew the grumpy man in front of you rolled his eyes.
"Whatever. What were you even talking about?" When he wasn't met with a response, he turned around toward his bedroom.
"God, you were so fuckin' loud-" Hank harshly mumbled to himself.
"Goodnight to you, too." You smiled weakly. He only waved a hand as his bedroom door was shut again. Slowly, your eyes moved up to the Android's face, but his eyes were already studying you.
"Let's..." You blurted. "...go to sleep now." Connor returned to his normal uptight, sitting position. And without knowing why, something drew you to him. Within seconds your head was nestled into the crook of his shoulder and neck.

I felt her body rest against my side. Without knowing why, I let my head fall against hers and returned to low-power mode. I finally felt at peace. I think I liked this feeling.
//I AM DEVIANT//