Bite the Bullet

Chapter 17

Jesus Normani. You sure have a thing for torturing yourself don't you. You like the feeling of your insides burning and tearing apart. You want to torture yourself because you are a sadist. Dinah doesn't need another agent on her. She has two. Khalid and Keith are enough. YOU do not need to be here.

I'm in the guest room, digging through my rumpled and dirty clothes, trying to find something that isn't too disgusting to wear while I sleep in Dinah's amazing bed...GUEST bed. Not Dinah's bed. Dinah's GUEST bed.

"Knew I should have done laundry..." I growl.

"You always talk to yourself?" A husky voice calls from the doorway. My hand instinctively flies to my right hip, only my gun isn't there. Turning, I face the intruder. "Sorry...didn't mean to startle you." Dinah says, then I see her eyes move slowly up and down my body. I've stripped my tops off, discarding the sweaty and wet sweatshirt and tank top I wore earlier, and am now standing in black running shorts and white sports bra. Her gaze finds the ink on my left arm again, then floats to the tags hanging down in front of the white material covering my chest, then down to the long ragged scar that runs up half of the left side of my torso. I've never felt conscious of my body or my scar...I'm proud of both. But under her gaze ...I'm afraid I'm not enough.

Shaking herself from her thoughts, she walks further into the room. Placing a small pile of clothes on the bed and says "I thought you might need something to sleep in..." Again her eyes roam my body. ...jesus Dinah, you need to learn how to cruise better than that. "...uhh, just take what fits." She gives me a smile as her cheeks redden, then exits the room. But not before bumping into the doorjam on her way out. ...this was definitely a bad idea.

Stepping out of the shower and running the towel through my hair to get the dripping off, I pull on Dinah's clothes. ...they even smell like her. So much for sleep tonight... Slapping myself on my forehead a couple times, I walk out of the bathroom and head towards the guest bed room. Expecting it to be empty, I close the door without looking up from the hardwood floor. Closing my eyes, I lean back against the wooden door and take a couple deep breaths. ...let the torture commence.

"Just call me an idiot..." I groan out.

"So it's true?" I jump as I hear the voice from within the closed room. Eyes snapping open, they lock on Dinah who has a smile pulling at her face. "You do always talk to yourself." Righting myself off the door, I walk with purpose into the room and stash one of the guns I left on the side table in my bag. I put the other one under the pillow and hop on the bed.

"Only when I haven't slept in nearly 48 hours." I say as I grab the large file that Khalid must have dropped off while I was in the shower. Dinah comes and sits on the side of the bed, and looks at me expectantly. I just scan the background information Lauren has provided me on both Zac and Zendaya.

"Thought you were going to crash." She states after watching me for a minute.

I take a deep breath and reply "Job comes first..." then looking up at her eyes I continue "think you would appreciate that." A smile forms on her face and mine mirrors it. Stretching out my legs from their crossed position, I watch as Dinah's eye run the length of the smooth, naked skin....leg girl huh?

"What you reading?" She asks, after rolling up her tongue that has been hanging out as she ogles my body not so secretly.

"Just some uhhh..." throwing the file into my bag to read later on, I fib "boring, paperwork."

"And I thought being an FBI agent is all fun and action." She plays which makes me laugh. Her tone turns serious, "Thank you for staying...."

I'd do anything for you. No Hamilton, no. Distance.

"That's my job, Dr. Hansen. Make you feel as safe and secure as possible." Which gets an awkward pause.

"So the gym..." Dinah starts and my mind immediately flashes to her on top of me. ...god she felt so good. So soft and warm, yet firm and strong. "you never answered my question." She sees me searching my memory for the question so she helps me out "You were a Marine?"

"I am a Marine." She gives me a confused look, so I continue. "There's no such thing as an 'ex-Marine'. Once a Marine, always a Marine. I was a Corporal."

"Corporal Hamilton..." She leans back and crosses her arms over her chest, trying to envision me in my covers. "I don't see it." She smiles, then continues. "Did you..."

"Deploy?" I finish for her and she nods. "Yeah, several times."

Her body language and tone of voice change to serious. "What was it like?" Images flash through my head, smells of sulfur and burnt flesh, sounds of gun fire and explosives erupt in my ears. I have to physically shake my head to bring myself back.

"I uhh... I don't like to talk about it." I say as roll to the other side of the bed and get up.

"I'm sorry." Dinah says quietly.

"Not your fault, Dr. Hansen... it's just, still have some... soft spots." I stand at the window in the room, bracing my arms on either side of the glass and look out over the dark back yard of her residence. My ears pick up the movings of her clothes against the bedspread, then the soft foot falls of her walking towards me. My nerve fibers stand on edge as I sense her close in on me. My breath hitches as her hands tentatively rest just above my waist. My mind ceases to think, all I know are her hands are on me. ...finally. They move up the sides of my body until my torso meets my shoulders, then back down.

She leans in close from behind and whispers in my ear "You don't have to call me Dr. Hansen...Agent Hamilton." The soft flesh of her lips barely touch the skin on my ear, but I feel it like a lightning bolt. My center is throbbing, wanting the touch of the woman on my naked body, wanting to feel her rive beneath me as I give her pleasure, as I kiss her lips, as I make her orgasm.

"No..." I move away from her and to the opposite side of the room. "No. I have to...Dr. Hansen. I can't... I can't lose focus on what this is." I say, trying to make myself believe the words that I am forcing out of my mouth.

"What is this?" Dinah asks like she's hurt.

"A job." She recoils like I slapped her but I push on. "A job that needs my 100% concentration and if...if I... if we... I can't do that. I have to remain removed from the situation in order to be effective at my post. That means I have to call you Dr. Hansen so I don't see you as Dinah Jane. I have to view you as a mark, because that is what you are. That's why I'm here.. I always complete my mission. My mission is to keep you safe and I plan on doing just that." She just stares are me, studying me again.

Stay strong Hamilton, you're doing the right thing.

"A job." Dinah restates.

"That's all you CAN be to me." No matter how much I want you to be more. Sitting back down on the bed, I lay back as another wave of exhaustion rolls over me.

"I'll uhh..I'll leave you to sleep." She says and walks to the door. "Agent Hamilton?" She calls softly from the doorway. I prop myself up on my elbows and look down the bed and to the doctor. ".Thank you... For everything that you're doing for me. And for staying when I was so scared." Our gazes meet for what seems like an hour, having a silent conversation of the hearts.

"As long as I'm around, you have nothing to worry about." I respond.

"How long will you be around?" She asks.

Sitting up, I answer "As long as I need to be. ....Until you feel safe again."

She gives me a small smile, "Good night Normani." Then she moves through the open door and closes it behind her, leaving me alone in the room that is thick in Dinah's scent. Letting my eyes close, those dark images of dead bodies and burning buildings are replaced by the hot Polynesian doctor.

I breath out "Good night, Dinah Jane."