and then you left // cth

chapter 39: sick in the head

"Ash," I breathe, nearly begging him to look at me. The night is too cold the sky is too dark and the moon is too round and it is too bright and I can't breathe anymore.

Moments of silence pass as I think too much about nothing.

"Why are you here?" I stare at Ashton in the darkness. His white teeth and eyes nearly glow in the dark, but I can still barely see an outline of his face and body. He looks cold, as he holds his body tighter than he normally does. I am cold too, but my goosebumps are due to the situation at hand, and not the temperature.

"You are ripping him apart," He whispers, and I almost don't catch it.

I don't know what to think anymore.

"What?" My eyes water and I feel something that I haven't felt since the night dropped me off at my house without saying goodbye; fear.

"He attacked Luke, he fucking tried to choke him! So Luke called me and I don't know what the fuck to do with Calum anymore. He's loosing it!" His voice gets bigger at the end of his sentence, and I flinch as he looks at me. Even in the dark, I can see the concern in his eyes, in his tone.

"Listen," I begin carefully. "Calum would never hurt anyone, he would only protect me. He- he has good intentions. God, does he have good intentions," I ramble to Ashton, but I am lying to myself. Calum hasn't been the same ever since that night, and neither have I, but not nearly to this extent. I didn't know he was capable of such a thing,

"Alexis, I like you, okay. You love Calum and Calum loves you, and Luke loves you too, and maybe he's part of the problem. But Calum is dangerous. You can't deny that. Good intentions don't change that.

Rain begins to fall, and the drops land on my forehead and remind me that I am alive. It's sad that it is always things like this that remind me I am still alive.

The weather used to dictate my emotion to such a drastic extent. If it was rainy I was sad and if it was sunny, I was bitter because my mood differed so drastically from how the world outside appeared. But now, the rain is cold and reminds me of home and the boy who is my home.

I wasn't lying when I said everything comes back to him.

"He didn't mean to hurt Luke, I know that. But regardless, he needs help, and I think that he is finally going to get it, even if it had to get to this point for somebody to do something about it." Ashton says softly, and I crumble.

"Just give me a few days, Ash. We'll figure it out." I don't know what else to say. I ignore the root of what Ashton is saying. I don't let it in. I don't let myself think about his words. Because then I wouldn't crumble. I would break into a million pieces that could never be put back together, by anyone.

Silence surrounds us like a blanket, and the night is too dark. We sit on the sidewalk for a while longer, not knowing what to do with ourselves. A girl trying to save the boy that she loves, and a boy who is smarter than that and knows that is a waste of time.

What a pairs we make.

Suddenly, a shadow appears, and gets bigger as it gets closer to us. And then we hear footsteps, and I lean toward Ashton in fear, about to point at the shadow.

"Hey," the shadow says, and Ashton relaxed when he realizes that it is no murderer, and only Luke.

Maybe I would have been happier to meet the murderer.

"Luke, I told you to wait for us back at the house," Ashton scolds, and everything clicks together.

"Wait," I begin as everything falls into place for the first time. "What the fuck is this? An intervention?" I demand to the boys. Luke stands in front of us, facing his back to the streetlight so I can't see his face at all. But Ashton looks calm, and it scares me. He doesn't say anything at my accusation, and my blood boils.

"No," I say after a minute, and stand up. "Fuck this, fuck all of this," I start to walk away, but Luke grabs my hand. I stop and look at him for a split second, and I let myself for just a second think about a life with Luke. A simpler life, one without interventions and lost causes. But he is not who I love, even if I almost wish he were.

"Don't touch me," I yell but it is only a whisper in the night. I storm away, leaving them with that, and a breeze.

And as I'm walking away, all that I can think about is how this is the first time nobody chased me as I ran away. Instead, I am running towards somebody else. Someone that I am sure will let me in, and love me.

I can't think of anything more pathetic.

another chapter up!!
i uploaded this chapter a few weeks ago, but unpublished it and changed it because i didn't like the direction it took the story.
how are you guys? it's currently 3:28am on a school night and i woke up with a sudden burst of inspiration. i have school in five hours.
qotd: who is your favorite character in the story?
mine is calum, because he is so complex and has so many layers to him. onions have layers :)
thank you sm for reading. love you guys the most!!