The Protector: Broken (working title)

Chapter 30: ...AND JUSTICE FOR ALL

The court room was a far cry from the comfort and safety of our night together. Depending on what pocket of air you were breathing, the tension or the indifference were so thick you could make your hand into a fist and squeeze them between your fingers...Just stepping into the room with Fred and Mark and the lawyer who was a friend of Fred's, I began to tremble and feel panicked. When Mark suddenly had to take a detour to sit a row behind us instead of with us at the table, I almost lost it right then and there. Fred gently directed me to the table with his arms around my back, as I arched my neck to watch Mark. I found some comfort as Mark calmly mouthed "I, love, you..." and, "I'm here..." I swallowed and took a few deep breaths to stave off the fears that threatened to take over. I knew I couldn't disappear this time, if there ever was a time I wish I could.

Fred had sat me next to him and turned me to him with purpose. "Now, Bobbi. I need you to keep looking at me, or Mark," he was just over Fred's shoulder. "Or the judge. I know this judge, she's a good woman, and will be very just in her decision today. I need you to NOT allow yourself to look over at the other side of this courtroom. I know you enough to know that it will do you no good whatsoever. There is nothing healthy for you over there..."

I understood completely. Without saying his name, he was very clear that if I were to look at Sasha today, especially if Lacey were hanging on him, I could very well lose it again. Of course, that idea in itself made me wonder if maybe they were right. In this case, I am a danger – to them.

I tried hard not to listen to what was being said, because when I did, I started to get upset. It was bordering on lies; the bias was so strong from the plaintiffs' lawyer. Exaggerations abound. They delighted in dragging my youthful tragedies out for everyone to swallow and wince at. I kept looking to Mark. I could tell he was trying to look calm and confident for me, but I could see the whites of his knuckles as he leaned forward and held on the barrier between us. They saved all of us for last. First, Sasha. I braced myself and turned to Fred, tears welling up in my eyes. Then I looked to Mark, and I knew he could see what I was thinking: How could a friendship end up this way? How could I love someone who could desire to hurt me so badly??? I buried my face in my hands and refused to look at him, although seeing out of the corner of my eye, that he never stopped looking at me. Surprisingly enough, his testimony was vague, the least condemning so far out of all testimonies. I almost detected a sense of holding back, possibly even regret. But I dared not allow myself to even care, let alone believe.

Then they called Mark up to the stand. He was magnificent. Two thousand years of life experience gave him a bit of an advantage, I think. Their lawyer tried everything in his power to entrap him, to upset him, to convince him of my instability. He caused the lawyer to stutter, trip over himself and even had the judge laugh out loud. I was so proud to have him love me, to stand for me. He looked at me as he stood from the stand, and I made sure he could see that. His face was radiant with love.

My turn at the stand was excruciating. I had to answer questions that I had before always been able to deny or deflect. My lawyer kept it simple and was obviously trying to use the sympathy tactic. Theirs made no niceties. As I expected, he had me in tears after the third query and didn't stop there. He used this weakness against me to help his case that I was unstable. The judge looked somewhat concerned, but no more than that. The phrase "I have no more questions your honor." Came to me like the peace of death. I was so glad to hear it, and yet I was so already willing to die.

And then Lacey. I was curious as to the length she was willing to go in regards to the lie she had already put into this game. She didn't look at me at all. I'm sure she couldn't. She swore she would tell the truth, so help her God. Surely her story would change back to the truth, after swearing to God? As she began to speak, it was clear she had no fear of God at all. Lies. Flat out, boldfaced lies. My mouth began to form open in disbelieving words. I felt Fred pull on my arm, and I looked at him in a fury. "Fred!!??"

"Shhh. I know. That's what I was talking about before." He said in a whisper. He looked at me with extreme concern. "Bobbi, dear, stay calm. It's imperative that you stay calm."

In retrospect I wish I had an ounce of the evil in my heart that she had, and maybe I could've prepared myself for her game just by expecting it. She was goading me. She was purposefully choosing her words carefully so that she could get me upset again. And, unfortunately it was working. When I finally looked at Mark, before I made my fateful mistake, he knew it was coming, and started to shake his head desperately... "NO! Bobbi! It's Ok!" But it was too late.

Our lawyer had just finished questioning her and was still standing near the judge's stand. Lacey walked purposefully close to me and we glared at each other and she waved her left hand with an engagement ring on it. I was aghast but stayed my ground, until she whispered, "Say hi to your daddy for me..." Without hesitation, I leapt.