reset ; ym

Six weeks and three days and a few hours later

Now it was official: Jimin was going insane. Completely.

It had been two days ever since the kiss with Yoongi and as if the kiss itself hadn't been bad enough already, Jimin couldn't stop thinking about it, too.

He needed to talk about it with someone, anyone, but he was scared, so scared that it would lead to more trouble or that Jungkook would even find out.

Jungkook...

So, Jimin distracted himself with work. He studied for university like he never did before, and he danced, danced his soul out. Over those two days, he spent more time at the dance studio than probably ever before, dancing until he couldn't feel his legs anymore.
At least it did a little for him; he managed to forget about Yoongi and everything connected to him momentarily. But as soon as he was home again and had nothing to do, all the thoughts came crashing down on him again.

So, he got up and wandered around his apartment, mindlessly walking from one room to the other, until he found himself back in his bedroom once again. He didn't think any of it at first, but then, his gaze got stuck to his wardrobe without any real reason.
Jimin furrowed his brows. Something drew him to the closet, so he walked over to it, opened it.
Right, he thought when he spotted the carton at the back of the wardrobe. He didn't even think about it when he reached for it and pulled it out.

He dropped it to the floor, opened it. Immediately reached for the shirt without giving it a second thought.
The fabric felt soft in his hands. Jimin smiled. At the same time, tears sprung to his eyes. He didn't even try to stop them – no one could see him anyways, so who cared? 

He missed Yoongi. What had used to be a sharp pain inside his chest was now something dull, an empty feeling that seemed to consume him. Jimin didn't know what was better – time heals all wounds or whatever, but Jimin didn't feel any better than six weeks ago.
He thought of Jungkook, and a different feeling, one of regret, emerged in his stomach.
However, it wasn't the kind of regret he should be feeling. He didn't regret kissing Yoongi and therefore betraying Jungkook, cheating on him.

Instead, he regretted starting his relationship with Jungkook at all. And he didn't even feel guilty for that.

Jimin lifted the shirt up to his chest and pressed it against it. I can't do this anymore, he thought, and at the same time, his mind made a decision, one that he might have made a while ago already but it only now became apparent to him.

He got up and dropped the shirt, then reached for his phone on his bed. Quickly, he texted Jungkook, asked if he could come over to talk.

He didn't have to wait long for a response, and so he got ready to go over to his place.

Jimin had to do this, otherwise he would break, and along with him, Jungkook would, too. It wasn't fair, none of this was. But it had to be done. Because maybe, there was a small chance that everything would be alright, and Jimin was willing to take it.

~

Jungkook looked a little bit surprised when he opened the door to let Jimin in.

"Hey," he said and smiled, "I hope you're alright. I wasn't sure if I should be worried when I got your message."
He leaned forward to kiss Jimin – only to be stopped by Jimin's hand.

Jimin lowered his head. He couldn't look at Jungkook.

"What?" Jungkook asked and took a step back. The smile was gone from his lips and was replaced by a confused and questioning look. If he hadn't thought something was wrong before, he definitely did now.
"Jimin, what's going on?"

"We have to talk," Jimin said, and faintly, he remembered having had heard similar words, months ago, by the one person he truly loved. He pushed the memory back to where it came from.

"Okay," was all Jungkook said. He didn't offer Jimin anything to drink, didn't ask whether they should sit down on the couch; Jimin had a feeling that he already guessed what would happen, and that it would go fast.
So, they just stood there, right next to the door, and waited for the moment Jimin would find the courage to speak the final words.

"I, uh..." Jimin started. He interlaced his fingers and looked at his feet just to avoid looking at Jungkook. What a coward he was.

Jungkook stood still and watched him. His expression was unreadable.

"I'm sorry," Jimin said, "I'm so sorry, I really am. You don't deserve this."

As he spoke the words, Jimin realized how meaningless they felt. Sure, Jungkook didn't deserve this, but at the same time, Jimin didn't feel sorry enough for the words to carry their original message. He could've also not said anything and it would've done the same thing. These were just empty words, so he could later on tell himself that he at least tried to make it bearable for Jungkook, that he was sensitive and fair.

Thing was, he wasn't. Not Jimin.

"I don't," Jungkook agreed without waiting for Jimin to actually say it.

Jimin looked at him in surprise; he expected Jungkook to look mad, but he didn't. He looked completely calm.

"I... we need to break up," Jimin whispered as he watched Jungkook's face with wide eyes, "I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore."

Jungkook blinked at him, then he lowered his head. He nodded. "Okay," he said, "That's fine, if you feel comfortable with that decision."

"I do," Jimin agreed, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Actually, there is something I need to tell you." He raised his head again and looked at Jimin. Jimin stared right back, expectantly.

"Felix and I've been texting for a while again. He's coming to South Korea to see me."

For a moment, Jimin was too stunned to reply anything. He raised his eyebrows and just stared at Jungkook. Then, when he regained his composure, he cleared his throat.

"Oh," he said, "That's... that's good, right?" Right?

It's just fair.

"I guess," Jungkook replied with a shrug, "I just wanted to tell you."

His words made Jimin feel like he had to admit something, too. Something like the kiss.

He opened his mouth, then closed it again when no words left. He slowly nodded.

"Okay," he said, "That's... kind of you."

He was starting to feel uncomfortable – he couldn't just leave, but he really wanted to. Jungkook seemed to notice, because he cleared his throat and moved to open the door. But before he really did he turned back around to Jimin.

"Thanks for telling me in person, you know," he said, "This could've gone a lot worse."
"Yeah," Jimin mumbled, "Of course."

"Maybe we can stay friends."

"Surely."

Then, Jungkook opened the door and Jimin left as quickly as possible.

When he stepped out of the house, he felt like it was a bit easier to breathe again. A huge burden had been lifted off his shoulders – but there was still something, like a little tug at his sleeve, consistent and annoying and impossible to ignore.

A little tug called Min Yoongi, Jimin knew that. But he would deal with that later. For now, he could breathe through again, and God, did it feel good.