Hating Undeniable Feelings

Lust or Love

Mera POV
The date with Jaymore was aight,it wasn't our first date but it was our date that he actually called me his,Jay was just bluffing,I might have said some things that night about him changing but believe it or not me myself didn't believe that he would actually change so maybe I'm just tryna prove to myself that I could change a guy,buy if a guy can't change me why even think that I could change him.

Since it was the weekend I was basically free and had nothing to do,so being the person I am I just Netflix and chill with me myself and I and some snacks😋
While watching my favorite TV show Riverdale my phone alarmed me with a text message

Jay🎲: Good morning sexy😍

I read the message and left it on seen and continue to Netflix.
After a few minutes later I received another message on my phone

Aaron☁:Are you free today?
Mera💙:Yeah why?
Aaron☁: Wanna hang out?
Mera💙: Isn't Ciara available?
Aaron☁:I don't know
Mera💙:Well why don't you check and text back later
Aaron☁:Ok....

I immediately block his number and went back to my TV show.

~2 hours later~

He texted me on Instagram,why is he so desperate why can't he just hang out with Ciara, I don't want her to think I get everything she wants,the last guy that Ciara liked he also liked me and she went crazy and upset that I get everything I want,but truth is I barely get what I want in life,life  f*cks me up every day people just won't see it the way I do.

I decided that I was getting bored and so I wanted to go out I texted Jay to pick me up so we could hang out.

~Some minutes later~
He honked his car to signal me that he was there,I left a note for my mom so she could knew that I'll be back soon, I went outside and into his car seeing his casual face.

"So where you wanna go"he said
"Anywhere I'm just bored"
"Hmm that's what's up"he said while giving me a smirk
"No nigga I just got nothing to do"I said with an attitude
"Hmm I got something for you"
I pinched him on his arm causing him to laugh like it was a joke
"Damn meme I'm just messing with you"
"Whatever"I said rolling my eyes

After a few minutes in the car we arrived at the beach,it was weird cause I actually loved the beach especially in the evening or the night time.Since it was noon it was perfect for me to see the sunset over the horizon
We walked side by side in the sand in silence for a few seconds
"So you know you mine right"he said
"Whatchu mean I'm yours"
"Your taken by me"
I laughed sarcastically making him frown
"I'm serious Mera I ain't about that friends with benefits sh*t,I want you"
"Give me one good reason why I should date you"
"Because I'm handsome"he joked

I stared at him waiting for an answer 😑

"Well because we friends for like a year now and I've been friend zoned to damn long and plus your interesting and cool"he said
"Damn that's deep"I said
"Well I mean it"
"Yeah, yeah whatever you say"

He stopped and held my hands and looked deep into my eyes

"Mera I meant every single word I said and I'm serious about it I know it's gonna take you a long while for you to believe that but just know I mean it"he said deeply

A part of me believed him but the other part was filled with a whole lot of doubt I know what Jay was all about, and the Jay I knew wouldn't be all up in his feelings telling me he cares so since my mind is puzzled I'm keeping my walls thicker than ever.

I freed my hands and walk on the Sandy Beach alone.......

After a few hours later Jay took me home and I just locked myself in my room reading i as caged in my thoughts about what Jay said i didn't believed it completely but a part of me kinda does, but to be honest I didn't really like Jay he was just another one of the guys I use to hate but since my insecurities were low at the time he easily got close to me but now I'm like a f*cking monster cause I got a part of him inside of me.

After my thoughts I decided to read Aaron message on IG

Aaron☁:It's ok if you don't wanna talk I'm fine with it I'll leave you to yourself from now on.😔

I felt bad but then I didn't care Aaron obviously still had options but he chose to text me to hang out with and not his so called girlfriend which is my best friend.......
Damn I sounded jealous for a minute there and I didn't even realize, I just wanna keep my distance from him I don't want get  feelings or anything so that's why I'm pushing him away like that and besides he has Ciara to attend to.

I hesitated to text him back and then my mind was made I didn't text him.....I was just wondering what will happen if I texted him back.

My mom then came home looking stressed out from work.
"Hey Mom"I said while taking her bag and allowing her to sit on the sofa and rest
"Hey hunny"she said exhausting
"Do you want me to get something for you"I said
"Water"she said tiredly
I went for some water in the kitchen and gave it her.
"Today has been really busy for me I just wanna sleep"
I watched her as she dose of on the sofa and then it hit me, another bad memory hit me it was with my dad,he was always arguing with her and always angry and he would make our lives so miserable I hate him even though he's my dad I didn't wanted to have nothing to do with him I was hurt that my mom was being hurt all the time that's why I'm so thankful for my mama and ain't nobody gonna disrespect her and get away with it cause she has been through enough.

While she slept I covered her in the blanket and went to my room I crashed on my bed and called it a night🌜

Note: Sorry this chapter was short I'm busy with school thanks for reading 😊