Have you ever felt like your life is stuck in repeat ?
Like being lost in some endless wood , circling and circling trying to find your way , only to come back to the same tree or rock over and over and over again retracing the same steps ,taking the same route,hearing the same crunch of wet rotting leaves underfoot.Hearing the same song thrush - perched upon the eighth branch of the fifth oak tree at the third right turn.Breathing in the dampness of the moss and the sweetness of budding flowers and the scent of the early morning mist dissipating over the still lake some several yards away.Treading the same trail into the already scarred soil.Until you can't remember your purpose there in the first place.
Left lost,wandering,searching...
Like a hamster within its wheel , pointless,endless...
Monotonous.
Nearing the clearing I watched as the neglected building appeared between the trees , it's skeleton exposed to the elements,rusty and weathered ,littered about the wood.I ducked under a twisted iron door frame and into a corridor that was now so infested with ivy it appeared like a tunnel of vines and continued to climb up a set of steep stairs,pale sunlight slicing through decaying walls and shattered windows,momentarily obscured by my passing figure.Until I reached the top.
I took another , long drag , letting my lungs swell with warmth before exhaling again gently ...
The smoke leaked out of the end of my little creation ,carrying tiny embers upwards in swirls that danced.
I felt my whole body relax , the beat in my chest seeming to sigh at every breath,thumping rhythmically.
It was refreshing,calming -comforting even.
I felt lighter.My brow wasn't weighted into hard ,frowning lines.
My shoulders were comfortably slouched instead of being in their usual solider like stiffness .My eyes weren't narrowed and alert , but glazed over with a thick haze that made the world seem like it had a filter over it.Even my mind.
It was as if ...as if everything that filled it,everything that had pressed at the sides of my skull ,threatening to explode it had simply disappeared...My mind seemed to finally be still .A feeling of contentment washed over me as something unfamiliar caused my bright blue lips to stretch and dimple.
I drew in one , last breath of happiness,before stubbing out my flame.Completing a burnt out row on the windowsill.
Reluctantly , I let out the burning fumes , letting it course through my nasal cavities and billow out in one,final cloud,before being snatched away by the building breeze.
Sharp gusts of sudden wind raked its claws through my electric hair.I pulled my ageless leather jacket tighter round me , for there was not a time it wasn't on my back , it had warmed me in the coldest of winters and was tied about my waist in the hottest of summers.It was apart of me.As much as my battered doc Martian boots where-thickly laced and polished till they shone .They still held the title of my best haggle ,my best bargain at a downtown car boot many years ago , a grand total of ten pounds and twenty-five pence.
I was summoned back to reality with a the irritating
ring of my phone.I pulled my ancient iPhone five out of the depths of my pockets,the screen crosshatched with hundreds of careless scratches.
"Hey sista! "
The trill of my closest,oldest friend Tazleen Jackson sung threw the phone.
"Hey babe" I felt something tug at the corner of my lips at the sound of her rich Jamaican accent.
"We still on for tonight?"
"Yeah, cya then"
I ended the call and made my steady descent back to reality.
-Little-miss-writer 13
