Covenant (A Lapidot Fanfiction)

Chapter 29: Anticipation

I trudged into the living room, sighing. Lapis saw me walking by and watched me with concern. I looked at her, noticing the sadness in her eyes. I wanted to be there for her. That wasn't what I felt was right. I needed space. I needed time to get myself back in control before the baby came.

"Peri?" Lapis interrupted my thoughts.

I sighed. "I need to be alone for a bit," I said. "I'll be back later, I promise."

I walked up to Lapis and kissed her forehead, running my fingers through her hair.

"I love you," Lapis whispered.

"I love you too," I replied.

I let my hand fall down from her shoulder to her hand, gripping it one last time before I left. I closed the door carefully as I walked out of the house and sighed. I wanted to be part of nature. I let the wolf in me overtake me. I was no longer human. It was just me, the wolf. I ran as fast as I could into the forest. I didn't run too deep in. I wanted to stay nearby, but alone.

I curled up by a log and whimpered. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready at all. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to do it. I would never.

I found myself crying, which, of course, sounded nothing like my human crying. I was so much more terrified than I ever thought I would be. I didn't realize how scared I really was for Lapis. Would it hurt me more to lose her or the baby? I shook my head. How would I know? All I did know was I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't see her die like I did in that dream I had all those months ago. I couldn't bear to lose her. I couldn't bear to lose either of them. They were my family. I let my ears droop and sighed. What was I going to do? If I couldn't be a parent, what was I going to do? I couldn't leave Lapis like that!

For the next few hours, I lay there, wallowing in self-pity. I had no idea what I was going to do. There was no way I could handle a baby. I had ridiculous thoughts as I continued my thinking about it. I even considered handing the baby off to Mom. At least she knew how to take care of one. I thought about putting her up for adoption and even letting one of the wolves have her—which I quickly decided was not a good idea—and they could take care of her. I even considered getting rid of her altogether. The only thing that kept me from getting up and ruining the closely bonded relationship with Lapis that had taken two years of building was remembering how hurt she would be. Physically and emotionally. It was then that I decided that I couldn't trust myself alone here anymore. I let out the loudest howl I could make, alerting anyone on the beach of my presence.

I waited there once more, hoping one of the wolves would come and find me. I lay there. I didn't hear anyone coming. Someone had to have heard my call! Someone! I whimpered again, falling back into my pit of self-pity.

Suddenly, I heard the crunch of grass. Someone was coming. I looked up, suddenly becoming anxious. My tail was wagging. I was excited. The crunching became louder, and, eventually, I was able to catch a scent. It wasn't wolf. It was human. I crinkled my nose. Was Lapis coming? She couldn't have been. She was in the house, wasn't she? The crunching became even louder, and the smell became stronger. Finally, I was able to get a good whiff. It was Lapis's floral smell, but less of the floral scent and more of one I would associate with a male. It was Larimar. What was he doing here?

Finally, my suspicions were confirmed. It, indeed, was Lapis's father. His faded turquoise hair stood out against the gray cloudiness of the clearing. Our gazes met, and I could see the worry on his face.

"Peridot?" His soft voice asked, filled with concern.

I whimpered, lowering my head. Larimar approached me, reaching carefully towards me. I looked at him, waiting. He gently pet me between my ears. I didn't want to admit that it felt nice. Being a wolf was much different than being human.