I Do / S.M/ ( sequel to Strings) *On Hold*

Chapter 9 Honesty

"Don't you wish you could be his girlfriend? She must be so lucky." I nodded biting my lip to try and hide my emotions. "Are you okay you look like your going to cry." She says gently.  "I- I'm fine I'm going to get another drink." I say excusing myself to the kitchen when I feel my phone buzz. I check it and see it's Shawn. 

Hey, Skye is at your mom's I didn't tell her that you returned the ring, I just said we are fighting a bit. Idk where I'm going but I need to take a drive. 

I swallow the lump in my throat and put my phone back in my pocket. "Zoë can I talk to you?" Beck asks he rubs his hands together nervously. "Sure."  I whisper. "I know something is wrong but you won't tell me so I'll start first." I stay quiet. "Can I have a beer please?" I ask. Beck reaches up in the cabinet and pulls down a beer glass and pours a lot.  I lick the froth off my lips "Thanks." I say quietly and look at the amber liquid and try to put words together. 

"I  had been meaning to tell you this but never found the right time,  and of course this is the worst time..."

"Then tell me what's wrong Zoë," He says and leans against the counter.   I swallow and close my eyes. "I'm not single," I don't open my eyes to see his expression.  He sighs deeply, I open my eyes and wipe my tears hastily. "I'm also not a crier either, I like us the way we are,  as really good friends. I've been hiding a large part of my life from you  but it's for my own safety." "What is it?" He asks his eyes look concerned. I bite my lip and blink my tears away. "Here." He wraps his arms around me. I hide my face in his chest and cry for what felt like forever. "Hey let me get some tissues." He says I nod letting go and hide my face in my hands. "I'm sorry for crying in front of you I've just been having a really bad day," I say when Beck enters the kitchen again with a box of tissues. I take a wad of tissues and wipe my eyes and my nose.

 "So what's this bombshell secret love?" He laughs. I laugh bitterly and look at him.  "I have a boyfriend well fiancee but that's even uncertain... I'm dating Shawn M-Mendes." He blinks and reads my face to see if I'm lying. "That sounds like  something straight out of a fanfiction." I laugh. 

"I was not expecting that." He says. "Yeah um but we've been fighting a lot and I gave him back the engagement ring. He's away a lot traveling and touring. I still love him of course but were so out of sync he doesn't understand how hard my life is trying to raise a kid, going to college and working." 

"Raise a kid?" Beck raises his eyebrows. "

"Oh yeah, I have a six-year-old daughter." His jaw drops. "You have a kid?"

"Yep." He tries to recompose himself so I take that time to keep talking "So my relationship is on the fritz and I hurt you by not telling you, I hope I didn't lead you on that was never my intention." 

 "I'm not hurt." He says gently. "Thank you for being so cool about this."  I say "If you need someone to babysit, let me know future teacher right here." He says. "Right and thank you, I should pick her up from my mom's". 

"Hey, are you ok?" Lacy asks I nod getting my coat. "I'm fine, it was great meeting you." She smiles. "Yeah, I'd love to read some of your poetry sometime." She lights up at this and nods excitedly. "Of course! Here's my number." She scribbles her number down on a scrap of paper and hands it to me. "I'll send you a text."   She gives me a thumbs up. I say my goodbyes and follow Sophia out to her car and pull up my mom's number to send her a quick text. "So where are we going?" Sophia asks as we get in the car. "My mom's house, Shawn dropped her off there," I explain fastening my seat belt. "Your mascara is so runny." Sophia points out.  "Whatever."  She frowns a little. "I thought that would make you laugh a little." 

"Nope." 

"Why did you give the ring back?" I sigh. 

"We've fallen out of love, and I don't know if we could fall back in love." I shrug. "You two can't just quit trying because of issues, every couple has obstacles you just... find a way around them. Sure you two have gone through more things than most but try to make it work, for Skye at least."  She says.  "I'll figure this out, you know how to get to my house."  

"Hey, oh Skye's asleep, would you mind bringing her home tomorrow? I've had a rough night and I need to figure things out." I grip my phone tighter. "I can, what's happening between you and Shawn? When he dropped her off he looked heartbroken." I press my back into the seat. "We've been fighting so much cause he's never here, I'm raising her by myself and going to school and... so I said we needed to take a break so.." My voice breaks and I can feel my chest tighten. "Zoë?"

"I gave him back the ring, I feel like us being together was a mistake and maybe we should have stayed friends. Our lives are so different but now we have to be together because we have a kid. I never wanted to be a parent this young and-"

"There nothing you can do to change it just chill out tonight and get in the right headspace, I'll bring Skye over tomorrow." I nod wiping my eyes. "Okay, thanks mom."  "Of course." I hang up not turning to look at Sophia who's eyes I can feel on me. "She's dropping her off in the morning, so we can just head to my place. 

"You want me to stay over?" Sophia asks gently. "I'll be fine but thanks." I fish my keys out my purse as we pull up to the house. The silence takes me by surprise as I go upstairs.  I cut on the lamp my eyes on his empty side of the bed wondering if we could ever make it work. When we spent the summer together it was awesome, but that was before things got complicated. I plug my phone in and see a missed call from Shawn and a message. 

"Hey, Zoë it's me... I know you're still mad but know I still love you and I'm sorry you have to go through all of this. I didn't realize my career would affect our relationship so much. If you want to break up with me, I understand... I don't deserve you sometimes.. I'm rambling something I do when I'm sad right?  Anyway, I love you bye." I feel myself tearing up again and angerly throw my phone on the floor feverishly pull off my coat and drop to the ground and erupt in a volcano of tears until I can't cry anymore.   Exhausted I change into some sweats and get into bed the emptiness feels foreign to me.  I wish he was with me yet at the same time I don't. I toss and turn all night wishing things could go back to the way they were.