A Dreamers Dream

I was stumbling, looking in the dark, with an empty heart. Sao Paulo, Brazil

I keep waiting for Sammy to ask why I was so insistent on searching with her despite Jeff and Paul's objections, or why I went off so hard at Novak, but thankfully she doesn't. I know how much it would upset Maddie if I were the one to tell Sammy about her and me, and in my anxious state and with the amount of alcohol I've had tonight, I'm not sure I could come up with a convincing lie.

"I'll just run in and check our room quickly and get changed, then we can head back out," Sammy says in a tired voice interrupting my thoughts.

"OK. I'll come up with you."

Not having the patience right now to wait for the lift, I make a beeline for the stairs as soon as we are through the large glass hotel doors. Taking them two at a time I reach the second floor quickly but find myself standing tapping my foot impatiently as I wait for Sammy who's high heels make her a fair bit slower than me. I follow her in silence down the long corridor, picturing another hallway in another hotel a few weeks ago, so similar to this one, when I slipped a hastily written line of my of my favourite poems under her door. I was so full of hope then for what Maddie and I could become, and now, I just hope that she's alright.

After trying her key card a couple of times, Sammy finally manages to get the door to their room open, and I lean my exhausted body up against the wall outside and run a hand through my hair absent-mindedly. Figuring that it's best that I wait out here and give her some privacy to change, hopefully, she won't be too long.

"Harry? She's here!" Sammy's voice suddenly calls out, and I don't think I've ever moved so fast, pushing myself off the wall I charge through the still-open door, and my ears are instantly filled with the welcome sound of the hotel shower running, the bathroom door is slightly ajar, and Sammy is already making her way towards it, calling out as she goes.

"Mads? You OK hun? You had us all worried sick! Harry and I have..." She stops mid-sentence, frozen in the bathroom doorway and I watch as all the colour drains out of her face. I am by her side in a second, wrenching the door wide open. The sight that greets me nearly brings me to my knees.

The shower above the large sparkling white bathtub in the en-suite is spraying out a stream of water seemingly at no one, it takes me a second to spot her, curled up at the opposite end of the bath. Still, in her dress which is now sodden and clinging to her skin, arms wrapped tightly around her knees as though she is trying to hold herself together, is Maddie.

Despite the steam rising in the room indicating that the water from the shower is still hot, she is trembling from head to toe, makeup streaks down her face, and it's obvious from her red, puffy eyes that she's been crying, but right now she's just staring straight ahead, watching the droplets of condensation run down the opposite wall, her eyes glazed over. She doesn't look up as I stand there like an idiot, wondering what the hell to do, she doesn't acknowledge our existence at all.

"Maddie?" I hear Sammy whisper as she makes her way around me and over to Maddie's side. Before I have even finished processing the scene in front of me, she has turned off the shower and wrapped a large fluffy towel around Maddie's shoulders. The moment Sammy touches her, she comes to life, like a toy that's just had its batteries replaced. Her head spins around, and her eyes lock with Sammy's, her expression full of fear. "It's me, Mads, it's Sammy, shhh." Sammy tries to soothe her.

"Sammy," Maddie whispers pitifully, and my heart almost breaks at the sound of her voice. Finally snapping back to myself I step forwards, my arms outstretched.

"Hey Trouble, let's get you out of there, huh?" I say gently. She gives me tiniest of nods, and I bend slowly, wrapping one of my arms under her knees and the other under her arm and lift her gently out of the lukewarm water in the bottom of the tub, as I do, the towel Sammy has secured around her shoulders slips, and though she hurries to grab it and cover herself back up again, she's not quick enough. I let out a sharp hiss from between my teeth as I see a row of scratches, they look more like claw marks, colouring the top of her breast. I can feel tears pricking the backs of my eyes, but I blink them back, determined to stay strong for her and carry her into the bedroom.

"I'm going to call the police," Sammy says, pulling her phone from her pocket as I lower Maddie on to one of the beds.

"No! No police, please, Sammy, I just want to rest." Maddie pleads with her. I watch as Sammy's eyes flicker between Maddie and her phone a few times before finally meeting mine and silently asking me what she should do. I give a small shake of my head, if Maddie doesn't want the police here right now, I'm not going to force her. Unsure what to do with myself, I hover next to the bed awkwardly, arms folded tightly across my chest. All I want to do is wrap my arms around my girl, kiss away her tears and promise her that everything will be alright. But I can't do that, because I don't know that it will be. I don't even know what happened yet.

"Trouble, can you tell us what happened?" I ask her softly

"Novak." is all she replies, the word sounding like a curse as she spits it through her perfect lips.

"Did he.. What did he do?" Sammy sputters, seeming unable to finish the question

that we both need answering; Did he rape her? Did that fucking monster violate my sweet, innocent girl in the worst way possible? My stomach is churning at the thought, and I honestly don't know if I can bear to hear the answer.

"I was outside, and he just appeared out of nowhere. He was taunting me at first, and then he was touching me and kissing me and, and... he ripped my dress. I kept trying to get him off of me, but he had a hold of my wrists." She whispers so quietly that I have to kneel down beside her to make sure I don't miss anything. She holds her small, shaking arms out in front of her and I can see the red marks encircling her wrists, a slight tinge of purple already visible where they are starting to bruise, and it takes everything in me not to charge out of the room right then and there and go and find Novak and put my fist through his nose.

I knew it. I knew it was my fucking fault. Without me, she'd never have been out there in the first place. I took her outside. Not only that, but I fucking left her out there alone! In the middle of the night! And why? Because I was drunk and fucking stupid, that's why. I left her there for Novak to find.

"Eventually I managed to scream and a man in a suit, from the bar I think? I've never seen him before. He came out, and I got away whilst they were talking," Maddie continues "He, the man, he got there before Novak could... before he could... " she trails off. "Then, as soon as I could, I just ran."

Bile rises in the back of my throat, and I clench my hands into fists at my sides as I stand back up and turn away from Maddie, not wanting her to see the fury in my eyes, she's been through enough tonight. I've put her through enough.

"Thank god you did." I hear Sammy say quietly

"I'm sorry I didn't come and tell either of you I was leaving, I didn't have my phone, and I was worried about going back into the bar... to be honest, I didn't even think until I was a few streets away." Maddie whispers and I spin back around to face her

"Don't you dare apologise. You did NOTHING wrong, do you understand me? Nothing. I'm so sorry I left you out there alone." I say forcefully, trying to keep the volume of my voice down but wanting to make sure I get through to her, I cannot for one minute have her blaming herself for this. This is my fault. All of it. She won't look at me, won't meet my eyes, and I don't blame her. I'd hate me too if I were her, that's twice I've been the reason that fucking bastard got his hands on her, I'm surprised she can bear to be in the same room as me.

"He's right Mads, you've got nothing to apologise for. Harry, can you give us a minute? I need to get her out of these wet clothes." Sammy says, turning to look at me, I must admit she's gone up in my estimations tonight. Here's me holding back my tears and trying not to punch inanimate objects, and then there's Sammy, seeming in total control of the situation, her voice steady and her back straight as she makes her way over to Maddie's side. I envy her.

"You should go back to your room, I'll be fine with Sammy," Maddie adds, and it feels like my heart stops beating for a second in shock at her words.

"It's OK, I can wait outside for a minute." I counter her, not wanting to leave.

"No. Just go Harry," she says forcefully, her voice rising above a whisper for the first time since we got back but she still won't meet my eyes. Completely dejected, I feel my shoulders slump, and tears prick in my eyes again. I was right, she doesn't want to be around me. With one last look at Maddie, bruised, wet and trembling on the small bed. I turn and head back out into the hallway resisting the urge to slam the door on my way out.