One Story Long

Chapter 20

Declan's POV

I sit down in front of my computer and open Instawrite. There is nothing new from David. I choose a random chapter and start reading. This was meant to be my life. I was supposed to end up with him. Maybe I should just contact him. I don't think mother would care much.

"You ready Dex?" I look around at James.

"Yeah, well... I don't think I'll ever be ready," I say. There are tears in my eyes, I won't be ashamed. I am not my brother. I will not be strong. I will be a weak coward. I need to feel.

"I know it's hard big guy, but we'll get through," he says.

"What about father's debt?" I ask.

"You don't need to worry about that, I'm here now. I'm opening my own solo practice, here in the Hamptons. Maybe in a few years I will bring in other lawyers. I'll let it grow at it's own pace. We'll have to see what father left us, he will probably leave the house to me, since I am the oldest but I am assuming you and mother will be living here." he says. I have no idea what to say. My brother is going to take care of everything, without trying to sell me.

"Well, I don't see where else we would go," I say.

"Imagine having to go and stay with Mother's family," he says. We both laugh, it's nice to be with James. He may be spoilt and arrogant but we have always gotten on really well.

"That would be a culture shock," I say. James sits on my bed and looks at my computer.

"What are you reading?" he asks. I'm not entirely sure how much he knows about my situation, so I don't know how answer him.

"A book written about me and the boy I love," I say. I know it is risky but I want to see for myself how he reacts. James takes a deep breath and looks at me. I was half expecting him to storm out or tell me off, but instead he looks me in the eye and reaches over to take my hand.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about that but father forbade me from contacting you. I tried to talk him into letting you come home. I'm so sorry he did that to you Dex," he says.

"So... you're okay with it?" I ask.

"You're my brother and I love you," he says. I am taken off guard by his words. "So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know, I would give anything to be with him James but I don't want to disrespect father. Especially now. It will feel like I am spitting on his grave," I say.

"May I give my opinion?" he asks. I nod my head. "I think father would just be happy to know you are going after what you want. In his heart he knows he was wrong to do what he did. I spoke with him yesterday, before the stroke. He told me how he regretted everything. I think he knew... he knew something big was going to happen to him. He needed to tell someone how he truly feels about you and your situation. I have never heard father like that...ever. He told me how he does understand your love for this boy, and that he would want you to be with the person you love. I found this in his study yesterday, I think he was going to post it to you. I think you should read it before we go. I will tell mother to give a few more minutes," he says as he hands me an envelope. I take it and wait for James to leave before opening it.

Declan,

My son, I wish for you to know how I regret the choice I made. I was scared, scared of my own feelings.

The truth is, I was put through your situation too. I know that makes me sound like more of a villain. I have been in your shoes, I know what it is like. I am gay Declan and my father tried to make me marry a woman. I couldn't be with the man I loved but I could still be spiteful. I met your mother in a bar. I was in Los Angeles on business.