drugs- m.h

45. narcissist

"Handle what?" He asked, "me?" He suggested.

"I know you and Kat have a history." She started, Matty rested his head on the steering wheel and let out a groan. "I understand that you didn't want to tell me because you didn't want me to see Kat differently and I don't. But, I see you differently now." She continued.

"Alice, please." He begged but she continued.

"No, Matty. I just want to know whether you have or have ever had feelings for Kat?" She asked. He started the car and let out a deep sigh.

"Yes." He answered, pulling out of the car park. "But she doesn't want to be with me; never has, never will. So, I'm trying to move on from that." He explained, "granted, I'm not doing it in the best way but I'm trying." He couldn't stop lying to her; it was worrying even him now.

"Okay." Alice said quietly. "Why didn't you tell me in the beginning?" She wondered.

"Because you would've assumed you were a rebound. I know how you girls think." He laughed at her. She didn't appreciate it.

"If you explained it to me then maybe I wouldn't have." She retaliated, "is there anything else you haven't told me?" He had been praying she didn't ask this question because now he had to lie once again.

"No. Just Kat." He said, he was getting too good at this. They drove in silence the rest of the way, until they stopped outside Alice's house. Matty unbuckled his seatbelt but she held out her hand for him to stop.

"Look, I need some time to think about all of this. I think you need time too. I'll call you, okay?" She waited for him to reply but he just stared at her. After letting out a huff, she just rolled her eyes and got out of the car, slamming the door shut.

Matty was exhausted, he didn't have the energy to fight for her so he just drove home to take a nap.

When he reached his home, he heard voices from the living room. He closed the door quietly so he could listen in on who it was.

"I thought I was in love with him..." the voice started, he could tell it was clearly Kat. "...now I don't even know if I like him. He's falling down a hole that he won't be able to pull himself out of." She continued. He closed his eyes and felt his heart crack.

"I don't think you realise how much your opinion matters to him." It was George, of course it was George. Matty opened his eyes again and listened closer. "I don't want to put too much pressure on you but if you talk to him; maybe he'll listen."

"I'm so confused around him, George. I just need to get away." Matty's eyes widened. "I've been thinking a lot recently about that trip I told you about." Matty rested his head against the wall; he was driving her away, literally.

"Kat, don't be dramatic." George practically laughed at her but Matty knew she was serious, boy did he know her serious voice.

"I'm serious. I feel though if I left things now, it would protect my mental health" she sighed, Matty was destroying this girl. He knew she didn't deserve it but his narcissistic ass was not about to let her leave him.

He walked into the kitchen and stood in the middle of it for a while. If he was being honest with himself, he didn't know what to do with himself. He had so much he wanted to fix but no idea how to do it or if he had time to.

"Matty?" Tammy's voice made him jump. "When did you get here?" She wondered, his eyes darted around her face in confusion as if she was speaking a different language.

"Um, I don't know. Not long ago." He scratched the back of his head. She gave him a sympathetic smile.

"You look a bit lost." She pointed out. He looked around his house, the house he had lived in with his mates for a year now and nodded. "Are you okay?" She asked, he continued to look around but then he met her eyes and shook his head.

"Can you get George?" His voice was weak and his lip trembled to indicate that he might cry. Tammy had never seen him this fragile so she did what he told her.

He bit his lip and leant against the glass back door, staring out of it and trying not to have a breakdown. He could feel George's presence so he turned to face him.

"You alright mate?" He asked, Matty was about to cry but then he saw Kat walk in. He couldn't look at her so he turned away and opened the back door, allowing his body to fall out of it.

He walked out into the garden and heard George's steps behind him. Clearly Kat had got the point that he didn't want her at this point.

"Matty." George called, he stopped and turned around. George's face dropped as he saw the brokenness behind his best friends eyes. He didn't say anything, just wrapped his arms around him and squeezed him tightly.

"I'm so fucked, George. Beyond gone. I've lost everyone." He sobbed into his shoulder, George looked up to the sky and tried not to cry as Matty cried. He pushed Matty gently off him and pulled out two cigarettes.

"You haven't lost anyone, Matty. You might if you keep going as you are." He advised, lighting both their cigarettes.

"I'm so in love with Kat; it hurts." He confessed, George took a long puff of his ciggie and breathed out for a long time.

"Yeah, I know." He breathed out. "You should probably do something about that." He talked about it as if it were a disease. Matty bit his lip.

"I mean, Alice is going to break up with me. She's starting to catching up with my lies and I don't know how much longer I can keep it going." He rubbed his head harshly.

"What I don't understand is: why didn't you tell her you felt the same when she told you she loved you." He questioned.

"I dunno man, I just got scared I guess. I'm so comfortable with Alice and Kat scares me." He laughed slightly.

"Well, I'm not going to tell you what to do." He shrugged. Matty kicked the grass in frustration. "But can I just say that we have to think about the band now as well. We have to put out an album now and tour it and all that." That through Matty off completely.

"What does that even mean?" He asked, quite harshly.

"I'm just saying, yeah I know you're trying to figure out your girls but think about your boys as well." He finished his cigarette and mashed it into the grass; leaving Matty to think about everything.