Sugar Coated

7. Just Stay Calm.

7. Just Stay Calm.

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No.

No. No.

No. No. No.

Oh God. What have I done.

"I feel sick." I said getting up and running to the toilet to let out whatever managed to remain my stomach. "This can't be true right now." I said holding up my head.

This poor baby

Was all I kept thinking. "You poor poor innocent sweet child."

"Why are you saying that?" Chris asked gently rubbing circles on my upper back.

"This child didn't ask to be here. I just carelessly had sex and now this child is stuck with me for a mother." I said crying.

"What do you mean?" He wiped the corners of my mouth with a few pieces of toilet paper before turning me to face him.

"Chris, I never wanted to be a Mother. I know I'm not responsible and I'm not mentally stable right now to handle such an innocent baby." I love kids but I never wanted my own. I'd be a terrible Mom, I didn't have those motherly instincts like everyone else did.

"You're just nervous. Calm down, you act like you're going to be raising our baby on your own. I'm not goin' anywhere." He said softly into my ear. "Things will be fine."

I just nodded my head and picked myself up, walking over to the sink to brush my teeth. I don't understand how he's so calm about this. Why isn't he freaking out like me?

I wiped the corners of my mouth and headed down to the kitchen. I wasn't hungry, not even that sandwich he made looked appetizing.

"Why aren't you happy?" He asked concerned. "You're away from Anthony and now you're going to be a Mom to a child who is going to love you unconditionally."

"I'm 25. I didn't want to be in this situation." How was I going to tell Mom this? Do I just say it? Do I tell her when I'm farther along or after the baby is born? Oh God. What if the baby miscarries? I will never let that down, I will live in complete guilt till I die-

"I'm 25 too but do you see me tripping? No, just take it day by day." Why are you so calm, Chris?!

"Alright, Chris."

"Don't stress and everything will be just fine." He said kissing my neck from behind me. "I need to go to work, but just promise me you'll relax." He said so softly into my neck, his words nearly feeling like velvet in my ears.

"I'll try to."

"Good. If you need anything, just give me a text or call. It's not a problem for me to come home." That's reassuring at least.

"When will you be home?"

"Around 9:30 or 10:00, depending on how much work needs to be done."

"Okay, just don't feel like you have to rush. I'm just going to stay inside all day." I sound like such a hermit crab. I'm not setting foot outside without Chris, not knowing if Anthony is either dead or alive. I like to believe he's dead but not all gun shot wounds are fatal, I know that all too well.

"You're too cute. I'll see you later." He kissed my cheek and coldness filled where his presence used to be. I heard the front door close and now I was surrounded by silence.

"Now I'm all by myself." I sighed, till I heard my stomach growl in a fit of rage. "Okay, I'm not completely alone." I said rubbing my stomach. I remembered the sandwich that sat on the bed upstairs and made my way back upstairs.

***

I thought finally being away from Anthony was everything I ever wanted, but it's not even been a full 48 hours and I'm just a walking ball of nerves and anxiety.

What was wrong with me? This was what I've dreamed of for years. Why wasn't I the happiest person ever?

I should also be happy I'm pregnant and finally a family but I'm not. I'm just so scared and I was tired of being scared all the time. I just wanted to look and feel like a normal human being.

I was currently laying in bed just letting my thoughts wander. All my thoughts went back to what motherhood would be like. I'd rather my thoughts stray on that topic, than the topic of my past.

Chris should be coming home within' the hour so I suppose I could just watch TV in bed, waiting for him.

Another thing I hate is the feeling of being dependent on Chris. I want to be independent but Chris nurtures me into being dependent on him.

Maybe I'm simply just over thinking everything. It's just nerves that are driving me to think these crazy things. Things will be fine, Hennessy.

***

"W-what are you doing, Anthony?" I asked as I kept my eyes locked on him.

"Can't just stop by?" He asked stepping inside. My initial reaction was to back up. With each step he took towards me, I took 2 steps back.

"N-no you can't." My eyes widened when I felt my back crash up against the wall. My heart racing as it dropped down to my stomach and a grin appearing on his face.

"Why." He said as he now stood almost chest to chest with me. "What gave you the idea that you could leave." He demanded, opposed to asking.

"I-" The back of his hand struck my jaw, to where I heard a prominent crack, followed by sharp pain surging throughout my jaw.

Then I felt his hands around my neck, squeezing tighter and tighter. I was struggling to get air in my lungs, to where I could feel my chest hurting.

"The baby." I choked out as I tried to pry his hands off but he was too strong.

"You're right." He said with a snide laugh. I dropped one hand and pulled a gun. He cocked it and shot right at my stomach as he continued to clasp my neck with his other hand.

"No! Anthony!" I cried out-

"Hennessy!" Chris yelled as he shook me, till I woke up with tears that just stained my cheeks.

"I c-can't take it." I continued to cry. His arms wrapped around me and held me close to his chest. "C-Chris-"

"Shhh. You just had a bad dream. This is new to you, being stuck to him for 5 years, and now you have freedom. It's an all new adjustment but I promise you nothing bad is going to happen."

"How do you know that?" Anthony could just pop up like all the other times and just drag me back to that miserable life.

"Because I won't allow anything to happen. I think- now this is just a thought- but what if we move away from this town and start over on life in a new area?"

"Where?"

"Anywhere. Just far enough to where you feel like you're safe."

"I don't know-"

"I didn't ask you to make a decision right this second." He chuckled. "You're too worried about things, try to just let loose. Get a massage tomorrow or do something that'll help you let loose."

I just nodded my head.

"Anthony isn't going to do anything and you're going to be a great Mother. Okay?"

"Okay." He kissed my cheek before pulling me back down with him.

"Good night, Hennesy."'

"Good night." He pulled the blanket up over us and I closed my eyes.