Talk Less, Smile More

7

-John's POV-

I wake up with a start, realizing the time. My alarm goes off in five minutes, but the extra sleep isn't worth it. I run my hand under my bed frame, finding the sketchbook with a relieved sigh. I pull it out to re-envision my work from six hours ago, still as I remember it being.

I allow myself extra time in the shower, working on collecting the pieces of my brain together before class. My attempts are futile, for they always return to Alex. His smile, the way he laughs, his perfect personality. It makes me giddy to think that I have the privilege of being his roommate.

He's smart, he's funny, he's sweet, he's everything Momma would've wanted for me. If only he knew, or had any idea of what I feel for him. I let my mind wander through impossible scenarios, the kind you desperately want to happen, but deep down you know they never will. Those hurt the most, while feeding so much raw emotion and want into your mind that you don't want to stop it. It's a drug, you know it's killing you and you know you shouldn't continue, but the rush and the high and the pure want of it consumes you.

I continue my daydreams throughout classes, I can easily catch up later. By the time my first class is over, my head is foggy with thoughts and throbbing from thinking. I walk past crowds of people in the halls, looking for a certain room number, which I end up finding at the every last door I search.

The day passes quickly, my notes being untouched and my mind scrambled with a million fake memories. I arrive back to our dorm, finding it empty. Weird, since Alex is almost always back before me. I notice a small handwritten note lying on the counter, 'Had to talk with Washington, be back around four :) xx' I smile at the end, noticing he's picked up on my ways of leaving messages. Momma always put a few xx's at the end of her text, or a note in my lunch. After she died, I started using it myself, now thrilled that Alex has noticed.

Since he's gone, I might as well talk to Herc about it.

Me : hey, i've been rlly rlly wanting to say something to Alex about...ya know everything

Herc : how do you plan on doing that XD

Me : idk.. I've just been thinking about it all day, like he deserves to know. Maybe he likes me too, how could I know..?

Herc : he seems to from what I see

Me : like me back?

Herc : yeah when I was talking to him earlier he was just awestruck

I can feel my heartbeat in my throat.

Me : you talked to him earlier..? About..?

His reply couldn't be any slower, the three dots bouncing up and down, taunting me, before disappearing.

Me : ??

Herc : idk why I thought I'd be able to lie to you..

Shit.

Me : you told him???? Herc what the hell?

Herc : I didn't mean to, I mean i kinda did but you said yourself he deserved to know!

Me : omfg idek what to say to you right now. What am i gonna do when he comes back??

Herc : act normal..?

Me : hoW CAn i Act noRMAL whEN i kNoW he knOWs i aM comPLETELY wEAk foR hiM?

Herc : im sorry john, he really had to know before you got too attached