The Nostalgia Diaries

Breakfast at Tiffany

"Why the sad face?" Ma Kesem asked in a husky voice.

"Nothing" Hadeza answered while sipping her drink. "I'm fine" She added.

"Come on, honey. I know when Aisha's sad. She keeps her face like yours and isolates herself in a quiet place"

"I'd rather not talk about it. Besides you're Aisha's mum" Hadeza said under her breath. She maintained eye contact with Ma Kesem as she talked in hopes to convince her that she wasn't sad.

"That's nonsense. I'm your mother too. How am I supposed to know what's going on inside your head if you don't open up to me"

Hadeza kept quiet for a while and averted her gaze away from Ma Kesem. She wasn't sure about opening up to Ma Kesem. She felt Ma Kesem was only going to brush her off if she said what was bothering her. Her mother always did that to her when she complained to her. She moaned in a gruff sound. "Don't you hate it when people aren't there for you?"

Ma Kesem grew more concerned. She removed her Torque from her head and shoved it inside the pocket of her apron. "You've got to care about people if you want them to do the same for you" She said. She slowly paced her words when she talked.

"Do people even care about themselves? My mother is hiding a lot from me because I am a cop. Then there's Aisha who has become mom's handbag all of a sudden. Mom treats her like she's some sort of princess or something."

But Aisha is a princess Ma Kesem laughed internally.

Hadeza continued "Not that I'm jealous or anything. I just want to spend more time with my sister. Its hurts. It really does. I give out all my love and affection and at the end of the day I just feel lost and empty. I'm the kind of girl who is there for others and checks on my friends to see if they're okay but no one ever checks to see if I'm okay. Everyone is getting married or pregnant or promoted and I'm getting a milkshake"

Hadeza squeezed her lips and sucked her cheeks inside and when she did, she still looked pretty.

"Is that why you're sad?" She asked. She could tell Hadeza was really sad because her eyes were faint and hollow.

"Maybe" Hadeza squeaked.

"You need to see a therapist" Ma Kesem suggested.

Hadeza smiled and glanced at her meal. "I need more music"

"Is that how you deal with being sad? Listening to sad songs"

"Sad songs don't depress me. It's all this pop music that makes me want to slit my wrist"

Hadeza said as a joke but that was the way she usually expressed herself to others. Sometimes she made jokes to mask her insecurities and her cry for help.

"If you feel that you're life is not as good as anyone else, then kill yourself" Ma Kesem said.

Hadeza stopped chewing her food and almost choked on the lump in her throat.

"Drink your milkshake, dear. Drink your milkshake" Ma Kesem said to Hadeza.

Hadeza signalled with her hand that she was okay but she drank her milkshake. "Ma Kesem" She said "I was joking when I said I want to kill myself"

Ma Kesem knew Hadeza's joke was just her cry for help. She wanted to help out so she asked. "When was the last time anyone told you how important you are?"

Hadeza shook her head strongly. "No one" Her voice cracked like she wanted to cry.

"Well I'm here to tell you this" Ma Kesem said and smoothed Hadeza's cheek like she did to Aisha when she was little. "You are important and that's all that really matters. A pretty girl like you shouldn't be worried about the attention of others. Beautiful things don't beg for attention"