Holding My Breath ~ Larry Stylinson

Chapter 16

"Cowell Offices - With Modest! Management." it said in bold letters across the wall. My lip quivered with anger as I clenched my fists, slowly moving my feet towards the building. I stood by the glass door for a few seconds before pushing it open violently.

"Do you have an appointment?" the small office lady said as I approached her.

"Nope." I popped the 'p' as I walked straight past her, heading for the elevator.

"Mr Cowell is very busy right now." she whimpered.

"I don't give a fuck!" I shouted as the elevator doors closed. I shook my hair, water drops flying outwards as the elevator rose higher. I stepped out onto his floor and stormed down the hallway, pushing the door open so fast, it slammed against the wall behind it. "Simon." I scowled at him.

"Louis, I'm in a meeting right now. Go and wait downstairs." he looked towards the door.

"No! You can't tell me what to do anymore! I'm not your property, Simon."

"What's gotten into you?" Simon asked and my eyes wandered to the whispering clients sat behind us.

"Who are they?"

"The chairmen of Modest Management.." He murmured sternly.

"Oh, good. 2 birds, 1 stone. Listen here, assholes." I started and a look of shock spread across everyone's faces. "All of you have pretty much ruined everything. See, before you got your big fat noses involved in our lives, we were doing absolutely fine. But no, as soon as you 'decided' it wasn't a good idea for me to be with the person I love, everything got fucked up. And the only people I blame is YOU and myself. Myself for doing something stupid, and YOU for wanting us split up in the first place. All you care about is bloody money, have you ever thought about the people you employ? How your decisions effect them? Well you should do, because this may have just ruined One Direction." I took a deep breath as I finished. It wasn't their fault right now, but I needed to vent my anger.

"Louis, what's this all abou--" Simon started.

"Shut up! Just shut up, Simon!" I screamed at him as he came closer to me. For the first time, he looked almost affectionate. He looked me in the eyes as he came closer, putting one arm over my shoulder and the other around my back. As he hugged me, I choked a little, closing my eyes tightly and burying my eyes in his shoulder to stop the tears.

"It's okay, calm down." he said and I was immediately reminded of the night Harry found out. I punched Simon's chest and pulled away from him, lashing out at the wall again. I shouted a grunt before walking out of the office, feeling no better whatsoever. When the elevator wouldn't come fast enough, I made my way back down the hall to the stairs. Simon chased me down and grabbed my shoulder.

"What was that about?" He asked seriously.

"We were never broken up, Simon. I loved him so fucking much and..." I trailed off, choking on my words.

"And what?" he said, sounding almost understanding.

"I cheated on him and then he went back to Cheshire and now he hates me and he says he doesn't but he really does and I don't know what to do--"

"Louis! Breathe." Simon stopped me as I babbled. "Slower.. and in English."

"Let's just say you got what you wanted, Simon. I hope you're truly happy with yourself." I pushed him away from me as I heard the elevator and rushed into it, pushing the buttons so fast that he couldn't catch up in time. I took a deep breath as I walked through the reception and back into the rain. I leaned against the wall of the building and wiped a hand down my face, wondering how the fuck I would get myself out of this one.

"Louis?" I heard Zayn's voice call me. I opened my eyes to find him standing in front of the fountain under an umbrella. His eyes were staring through me from across the courtyard and his expression was calling me over. I walked over quickly and hugged him tightly. He was taken back slightly before hugging me back tighter. I felt his warm breath tingle against my ear and I looked up into his brown eyes, tears gathering in my own.

"I love you, Lou. I always have.." He said quietly and I saw the honesty in his eyes. I moved closer and brushed my lips across his, before pushing myself forward into his lips. The rain dripped down our faces as Zayn kissed me slowly. I pulled away and looked down.

"Zayn.. 10 minutes ago, I threw a penny into that fountain and wished for Harry to take me back..." I pointed to the well. "I don't want you to just be Harry's replacement." I shook my head and he cupped my cheek in his hand.

"I never will be." he nodded with a sweet smile, pecking my lips quickly again.

"You need to find someone who can really love you.. And not just want you for a quick fling.. or as a rebound. You need someone better than me." I shook my head and stood back a little. He walked closer again, filling the gap again.

"There's no-one better, Lou. I know you love Harry, but please.. I know you love me too or why would you have--"

"Please don't bring it up, Zayn.."

"...Why?"

"Because it should have never happened!" I yelped and walked away.

"Louis.." he called after me and I shook my head. I could tell he was telling the truth, he really did love me.. But I couldn't love him in that way. Zayn, why did you have to make everything so complicated. My heart is already broken enough. Zayn is one of the nicest people I know and would never purposely hurt anyone... UGHHHH. I walked through the villages and just prayed I would suddenly wake up on Zayn's sofa, just before he kissed me. Maybe then I could make things right. I took another deep breath and stepped out onto the road, sitting down on the deserted pavement. I looked down onto my drenched chinos and almost see-through shirt and tugged on my hair with frustration. I had nothing left to say to anyone. As I sat on the lonely street, everything was completely silent except for the sound of the raindrops hitting the pavement angrily. A car pulled up in front of me and I didn't care who it was or what they wanted. Before I could look up, two hands were dragging me off the floor and to my feet. I was then pushed into a car, that's when I looked up. I saw some curly hair, looking more mop-ish with every drop of rain that hit it, bounce past the window. I rested my head back and looked at the drivers seat as Harry got in.

"What are you doing?" I asked quietly.

"I made him do it." he muttered.

"What?"

"Zayn. I made him do that." he repeated. "He does love you, Lou. I just made him tell you." he hadn't looked at me once as we pulled away.

"Why the hell did you do that?" I said, my Doncaster accent strong in my voice.

"I wanted to know if you loved him back..."

"Harry. How many times... Look. I love you. And I ONLY love you. I don't even know what happened with Zayn that night, it was more of a physical thing. I'm not capable of loving anyone else." I tried to make eye contact but he wouldn't budge his face.

"I know."

"Then stop testing it and just accept it! I love you, I love you, I fucking love you! And nothing is ever going to change that!" I yelped slightly as he drove. He was silent for a few moments before parking the car in the car park and getting out, still silent. I sat in the car for a few moments before getting out as he passed. "I can't do anything else, Harry. I've said what I needed to say and I've done what I needed to do with Simon and management. Just think about how much I've risked for you, how much we've been through... And if you still don't want anything to do with me... then fine." I nodded, the rain starting to lighten up. He turned his head slightly but didn't make full eye contact. He nodded a little before going into the building, the headlights on his car flashing as he locked it. I kicked an empty can on the ground hard into a wall and followed shortly behind him. Great, now it was going to be even more awkward because I'd walked out of the apartment earlier like a spoiled brat.

But nothing was going to be more awkward than my next conversation with Zayn.