Stall

Chapter 21.

"I can't" he pants "I need to stop, we can't"

I'm panting just as heavily, my arms clung around him feeling disorientated and dizzy, like I've just been chewed up and spit out of a hurricane.

I can't say I feel any kind of rejection from Harry, I don't feel a sinking in my stomach or a swell of disappointment, if anything I'm shocked.

I never thought I'd see the day I would hear him say that. The fact that he's been so persistent these past couple of months, and I've been the one saying I can't, it's hard to wrap my head around seeing the tables turn.

"Are you okay?" I decide to ask instead, because he looks like he's almost in pain right now.

Hiseyes are still clamped shut as he squeezes my hips "Just give me a minute..." he mutters trying to catch his breath.

I bring my hands up to stroke through his hair, trying to soothe whatever is going on with him, squeezing my thighs around him reassuringly but not realising its pressed my core harder against him.

"Fuck" he hisses "Fuck, don't do that"

I loosen my legs, shuffling my hips back slightly "Sorry" I mumble bashfully.

He blows out a breath, wetting his lips as his fingers loosen their vice grip on my hips and he curls his arms around my waist and buries his face against my neck.

"I just can't fuck you tonight - not after what happened to you, trust me...I really fucking wish I could" he murmurs against my neck, his hot breath puffing out against my skin as he tries to steady it "but I can't do that to you, you deserve better than that"

I try not to think about the flutter in my heart, listening to the fact that he cares enough to even think that.

I don't know if he's aware of just how willing he had me minutes ago to do watever he wanted, he could have told me to eat dirt and I gladly would have.

Or maybe he is aware, and maybe that's why he stopped. I can't be completely sure.

I keep my hands stroking through his hair, still feeling drunk off of kissing him. I know that this changes everything for me when it comes to him, but I wouldn't take a single thing about it back.

I would endure tonight a hundred times over if it meant I could kiss him, to finally let go and give in to what I know I wanted so badly, no matter how hard I tried to tell myself otherwise, it ws him.

"S'okay" I whisper, resting my cheek against his shoulder.

"How do you do this to me?" he murmurs sounding like he's completely lost, and he drags his lips across the damp skin on my neck causing goosebumps to flare up over me.

"I could ask you the same thing" I sigh, laughing under my breath.

After a moment I ask the question I'm dreading "..are you going to stay?"

I feel his lips pull into a smile against my neck, and his raspy voice comes out muffled "Depends, do I get to kiss you again?"

I hide my face against his shoulder and shrug "Maybe"

He pulls back, looking down at me with that smirk I never thought I'd be so glad to see "Maybe? Maybe I should go then"

I frown at him, biting my lip to hide my smile "That's not fair"

"Life isn't fair my sweet girl" he clucks pulling back further, untangling his arms from me as his smirk morphing into a playful smile "I guess I'm just gonna leave"

"Harry" I whine "Stop"

"You want me to stay?" he lifts his brow at me.

I press my lips together flatly, slumping my shoulders "You know I do"