Stall

Chapter 18.

I thought ending things would hurt more, but I didn't feel heartbroken, only guilty. And Harry's words kept going through my mind about how I always do what people want me to do, and not what I really want. I wonder if that's what Andy was for me, the person I knew it would make everyone else happy for me to be with, mainly my mother.

The main deciding factor for me leaving Andy though, was Sophie. I finally told her what happened, the night he grabbed my arm and nearly smacked me in the face and her fury filled rant about how she was going to, in great detail, turn his testicles into a pair of earrings and make him wear them while she strangled him with his work tie had me in tears.

She made sure that I understood that no one is allowed to put their hands on me, and even once is too much, and I should of left him a long time ago.

Part of me knows she was secretly cheering on the inside when I told her that I'd ended things.

I still haven't been able to explain Harry to her though, I don't know how to explain him to anyone.

I'm glad I had Sophie to talk to, when I explained it to my mother she was furious, telling me I was stupid and foolish to throw away someone as wonderful as Andy. When I told her what he had done, she asked what I had done to make him react that way, because that didn't sound like the Andy that she knew.

I haven't spoken to her since, I refuse to apologise for leaving him.

Andy has been persistently sending me flowers, chocolates, apology letters, no matter how much I've asked him to stop.

He's pleaded that we at least stay friends, to which the guilt in me cautiously agreed, he's still begging me to work at his father's firm, and I don't think he's told his father yet that we aren't together - he said it would embarrass him.

When I told Harry I was considering working at Andy's fathers firm, he went on a rant about how I'm just doing what people want me to do and I shouldn't be working somewhere like that, that I was better than that.

I haven't told Harry I ended things with Andy, I'm not entirely sure why, I'm scared it will change the relationship we have when it feels so delicate already.

There's also that anxiety in me that I don't have Andy as an excuse any more, and to be honest I'm scared about what will happen if I take the final step and finally give in to Harry.

There still seems to be this safe distance with us, where he's close but not too close, and it makes me feel more at ease in case he does just disappear again.

I know kissing him will be the final nail in my coffin, and that terrifies me.

For once in my life, things aren't predictable, they aren't safe and I have no idea what's going to happen but for once I actually feel alive.

I agreed to have Andy over for dinner tonight, his incessant begging breaking down my resolve and leaving me feeling sorry for him, the kindness in me still wants to believe he's a good person, I'm just not meant for him.

I answer the door just as my phone rings, asking the pizza guy to please hold on one moment and apologising profusely.

I grab my phone from the kitchen counter, answering it and holding it to my ear with my shoulder as I pay the teenage boy and tell him to keep the change.

"Hello?"

"Hi there, is this Abigail Reed?" a sweet female voice asks.

I frown at the unfamiliar voice, kicking the door shut with my foot and placing the pizza down on the kitchen bench "Yes, speaking"