Losing the Halo||Solby

Homecoming || Sam

Sam had woken up in a foreign bed. Beside him, Katrina was snoring softly. 

"Where am I?" Sam looked around the room and then at his arm. He was at the hospital. He was alive. 

Sam had been so sure he was going to die. In fact, he had been ready. He wasn't anymore. He didn't want to die by suicide. It wasn't who Sam was or what he stood for. 

"You're awake." Katrina was watching Sam carefully from her chair. He noted the circles under her eyes.

He knew he should have apologized or tried to lighten the mood, but all Sam could ask was, "where's Colby?" 

Sam was afraid of what Colby would say. How would his best friend look at him now? How would any of the roommates look at him now? He could already see the pity in Katrina's eyes as she glanced at the bandaged arm every so often. 

"He went back to the house...." Katrina had a guilty look in her eyes. 

"He didn't want to see me?" Sam couldn't help the sadness in his voice. Although, after everything he had done to the brunette boy, it was false hope to think Colby cared anymore. 

Katrina wasn't looking Sam in the eye anymore. "Sam, he did want to see you, but I...." 

"What is it, Katrina?" Sam was watching his girlfriend warily. He knew how her temper could be when it came to Sam. She was overly protective and it was one of the things he had liked about her. She made him feel wanted. But she couldn't make him feel the way Colby made him feel. 

"They said only one of us would be allowed in until you woke up and.... He tried to see you and I wouldn't let him. I wanted to see you, Sam. You had me so worried and I just needed to be by your side and...." Katrina wrung her hands and watched Sam for a reaction. 

Colby had cared enough to try and see Sam. He had tried and Katrina had been selfish and wouldn't let him in. Although, Sam couldn't blame his girlfriend. Not entirely. 

"Katrina, we can't do this anymore ok?" Sam shook his head and held up his hurt arm. "I'm in no shape to be good to you and honestly, I just don't want to be in this relationship anymore." 

Katrina had started crying. She was kneeling by Sam's bedside and shaking her head. "I'll support you and help you and it doesn't have to be like this." 

Sam grabbed the girl's hand and shook his head. He had come to love Katrina, truly, but not in the way she loved him. The girl had become like a sister or a friend that was apart of him. 

"You should go, Katrina." Sam pulled his hand away and stared at his bedsheet. He waited as the girl grabbed her bags and hurried from the room. His heart wasn't as heavy as it should have been after a breakup and it made him feel guilty. But Sam also felt free. 

=three days later=

"You need to come back for a check up in one week. If you don't show up, police will be sent to your home to check for you," the doctor explained. Sam had been put on a suicide watch and Corey was the at home supervisor. It was because he was the only left in the hospital to wait on Sam. 

The car ride back to the house was tense. Corey hadn't turned the radio on, leaving a terrible silence over the car. 

"You should talk to Colby when we get home," Corey commented, breaking the silence. 

"I don't think he'll want to speak to me." Sam fidgeted with his bandages. 

"God damnit, Sam!" Corey yelled, causing Sam to jump. He pulled the car over to the curb and put it in park before turning to the blonde. Sam had never seen such anger in Corey's face before. 

"This self pity bullshit needs to stop right now, Sam." Corey grabbed Sam's shoulders roughly, his voice breaking as he struggled not to cry. "Colby loves you. I love you. Everyone in that fucking house loves you and you tried to leave us. You think Colby doesn't want to speak to you? Who the fuck do you think carried you from your room and sprinted down to the cars and held your unconscious body in the backseat of his car?" 

"But he didn't visit me and we argued pretty bad before I...." Sam couldn't finish the rest. He imagined Colby carrying him and holding him and the thought made him feel guilty. Corey was right. He had caused so much unnecessary pain to his roommates.

"Sam, I have never seen a bond like the one you and Colby share," a tear rolled down Corey's cheek, "and I've never seen fear like how Colby had feared when he thought you were dead." 

Sam was crying now. He leaned over the middle console and hugged Corey tightly. He debated telling his friend exactly what had pushed him to almost kill himself. He knew Corey would understand, or at least try to. 

No. He had to tell Colby before he could tell anyone else. And he had to apologize. 

"I'm ready to get better now," Sam whispered. Corey nodded and they drove as fast as they could back to the house. 

Sam bypassed Aaron and Jake as they tried to say hi, sprinting to Colby's room. The blonde didn't even bother knocking and instead just barged in. 

Colby was standing there with a towel wrapped around his waist, dark circled under his eyes. The brunette boy looked as if he hadn't slept in days. 

"I need to know, Colby," Sam panted, his eyes travelling up and down Colby's body, "in the closet. Was it really for the views?" He had been dreaming about the neck kisses and the rhythm of Colby's breath for days. 

Sam needed to know. He needed to know if Colby had wanted him as much as Sam had wanted Colby. 

Colby hesitated for a minute, biting his lower lip. And then the brunette crossed the room and grabbed Sam by the arms and did something Sam had never thought would happen again.