Losing the Halo||Solby

Behind the Scenes || Sam

Sam sat in the car breathing heavily. He let Colby drive this time while he looked out for cops or neighbors that might have followed their car. Exploring these abandoned places was becoming a little too dangerous. 

"That girl the other day was definitely a fan," Colby said, turning the wheel. Sam tensed up, staring at the road in front of them. That girl with the red hair and perfect skin. That girl who was dressed in all black and had a cool name. That girl that was exactly Colby's type. 

Sam had to stop himself before he could think of anything else. It wasn't like him to hate a fan, or to be hateful in general. 

"She was a fan for you," Sam mumbled. His best friend looked over, concerned, but shrugged and blamed it on the lack of adrenaline after their adventure. 

Back in the hotel room, Elton and Corey were busy editing film. Colby reached into their mini fridge and pulled out a soda. But Sam wasn't in the mood to just sit. Lately, his feelings were becoming too much. All he could think about was Colby being happy with some girl. He could make Colby happy, right? 

"I'm gonna go for a walk," Sam declared, donning his camo XPLR hoodie. Sometimes he wished he could just blend in - disappear. 

"Great, I'll come with!" Colby jumped up, reaching for his black hoodie. But Sam needed to be alone right now, as much as he wanted his beautiful brunette friend to follow him. 

"Colby, I want to go alone." Those words were rarely uttered. The best friends always went everywhere together. 

Sam worried someone might say something. His friends weren't morons when it came to sensing one of their own was in trouble. Questions would be asked. But it was normal to need some space, right? All Sam needed was some space. 

"Um, ok." Colby looked confused and a little dejected. "You ok?" 

All three of his friends had stopped to stare at him. Sam's throat was suddenly too dry to speak, so he nodded instead, his blonde hair falling in front of his eyes. Colby hesitated, then nodded once and quickly got onto his phone. 

Sam left the room silently, hurrying into the snowy streets below. 

Sam had been walking around for two hours. The sun was past set and the only thing guiding his way were streetlights and car headlights. He couldn't feel his legs or his nose, but he knew it was running. He'd been in the cold too long. But how could he possibly go back to the room yet? It was getting harder to pretend he was ok.  

It was getting harder to pretend he wasn't in love with his male bestfriend. 

When they were in sophomore year, Sam had asked Colby once if he'd ever liked a guy. His bestfriend had flustered and quickly denied every liking a guy. He claimed he'd never be a fag. Sam had hated the word, and almost cried, but he couldn't let Colby see that. 

And then a month later, Colby had come to Sam crying. Sam had held the brunette's head in his lap and let him cry for hours. At the end, they'd both fallen asleep. When Sam woke up that morning, Colby was cuddled against his body. Sam had lived in that memory till now. 

Colby needed him and that was it. That's all that it was, Sam told himself. Colby likes girls. He'd slept with one a week before this trip. 

Sam needed to let go. For months now, he hadn't been able to sleep. He would find himself wondering the house all night, eventually ending up at Colby's bedroom door. He could never go in though. He could never lay next to the boy he loved. 

"Are you lost?" An unfamiliar voice stopped Sam. It a boy his age - blonde and blue eyed. 

"Oh, shit, you're Sam from 'Sam and Colby'," the boy stuck his hand out like a little kid, "I'm Garrett." 

"Uh, hi, Garret." Sam shook the boy's hand and forced a smile. "I'm actually headed -" 

A buzzing stopped Sam from talking and he pulled out his phone. It was a call from Colby. Just seeing his name made Sam's chest tighten. God, he needed to forget. 

"I was just headed to look for something fun to do. You could always help show me around, if you want." Colby had used this trick yesterday. Now it was Sam's turn. He ignored the buzzing in his pocket again, knowing it was just Colby calling to check in. 

"I know a club down the street if you're interested." Garrett pointed ahead of them, his broad smile making Sam's heart flutter just a little. Was he definitely gay if he thought both Colby and Garrett were attractive?

"Yeah, let me just shoot a text to the guys to let them know I'm safe." 

Sam: I'm headed to a place a fan wanted to show me. Phone is going off till I come home.

Colby: Sam, please call me.

But Sam didn't see the returned message. He had already shut his phone off and began following the stranger down the street. Inside the club, he focused on the music and the drinks and the dancing. Eventually he lost Garrett in the crowd, but a girl replaced him and Sam kept dancing. 

And the world became void of anything except neon lights and vodka.