Schatzi

8

———

"It's a terrible idea."

"No it isn't, I know these guys. They're good people," Peter insisted.

"Well I don't know these people and I don't trust them enough to do this," Eli said, crossing his arms across his chest.

"They're all like us, they love each other just like we do. Men loving men, girls loving girls. They want what we want." He walked over to Eli who was standing looking out the window, facing away from him. He reached for his hand, pulling him into his chest and holding him close. "I love you, Eli. I want to share this with you. Words can't explain how amazing this place is, how free you can be. Don't you want to be accepted somewhere other than our own home?"

"Yes, of course I do," Eli sighed, turning around to look up at him, bodies pressed close together. "But this isn't acceptance, maybe for you but not for me. Is it worth hiding one part of myself just to be accepted for something else. Besides, you say they're accepting of our love, but they aren't. You don't care about religion and you see past that and I love you for that, but they don't. They'll care about our relationship if they know I'm Jewish and you're a Christian. It doesn't matter how accepting of homosexuality they are, they'll still hate me."

Peter closed his eyes and kissed Eli's forehead lightly, his lips hovering there as he thought, the silence hanging in the room.

"They don't have to know," he whispered after a minute of working up the courage for his proposal.

Eli looked up at him, raising an eyebrow.
"Huh?"

"They don't have to know you're Jewish."

Eli stepped back. "Well I mean it probably wouldn't come up anyway but..." he trailed off.

"Create a sort of character, lie to them. They'll never know, they're not going to ask to see your papers or anything, especially if you're with me."

"A character?" Eli repeated, looking at Peter carefully. "What do you mean?"

"I mean it's still you, but we'll tell them you're German-"

Eli glared at him, crossing his arms. "I am German," he snapped. "My family has lived here, in this city, for generations."

Peter brushed it off, touching Eli's shoulder lightly. "You know what I mean."

"No. No I don't. Explain to me what you mean."

"Well...you..." Peter trailed off, blushing bright red and looking down at the floor. "Eli...don't do this. Don't make it seem like I'm the bad guy. I just wanted to have a good time on your birthday."

"So now this is my fault?" Eli snapped, his voice rising as he stepped closer to Peter. "Are you serious? Next you're going to be telling me I don't look that Jewish like that poor boy who was in your biology class who got pulled up at least once a week so you could all learn how to identify someone who isn't part of your goddamn aryan race!"

"No, it's not your fault," Peter said quickly, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Eli, you know I didn't mean anything by that."

"So explain what you want me to be. You said you wanted me to be German, and I am. Exactly the same as you."

"I don't want you to be that, it's what everyone else wants. I love you, Eli, I love you as you are. I don't want to change you."

Eli glared at him, fire raging in his eyes, his breathing quick and shallow. Then it was like all the fight went out of him, like a deflating balloon. He looked down at the floor, his tense shoulders relaxing. Peter walked closer, putting his arm on Eli's waist gently, frowning when he flinched.

"You're ashamed of me," Eli whispered as Peter  embraced him, tears slowly falling down his cheeks.

"What? Eli, no, that's not true," Peter rushed, putting his finger under Eli's chin and lifting his head to look up at him. "I love you. I love you so much and I don't care what everyone else thinks."

Eli sighed and wiped his eyes. He forced a smile and hugged Peter back. "So are we still going to this party?"

"Only if you want to," Peter whispered. "It's just a party, where we can be together openly. We don't have to hide."

Eli nodded slowly. "Okay. Sure. Let's do it."