Stall

Chapter 13.

If I needed any reassurance that the feelings I had towards Harry were completely one sided, and the things that meant a great deal to me were not important to him what so ever, then this was a reaffirming slap in the face.

I've had my days where I've been furious, completely livid that he went so far to jeopardise my relationship, that he put so much effort into tempting me into something he knew full well I wouldn't forgive myself for, and done so with not even a shred of guilt or remorse.

I should have taken his words more to heart, when he said guilt and remorse weren't something he felt, but the naive good intentions in me didn't want to believe that could actually be true.

The one question that's been ripping my sanity to shreds is, why?

Why did he claw his way into my life just to walk straight out of it the minute I gave into it.

Just why did he do any of it?

I guess maybe I should just accept that he did actually get what he wanted, the pit in my stomach convincing me that he was only interested in the chase, that my resistance was fun to him, and once he finally realised just how wrapped around his finger he had me he was bored, and just lost interest.

I knew it was all a game, and again my foolish habit of wanting to believe the best in people had me played like a predictable chess piece.

It hasn't helped that things have been so tense between Andy and I, he has been irritated over my solemn mood, for the first week he seemed concerned and caring but that soon turned into irritation and telling me that I needed to get over whatever had me acting like such a baby.

Apparently I was inconveniencing him being so upset all the time, he needed to focus on work and he couldn't do that when I was adding the stress to him by being so depressed.

He was always pointing out I was being selfish for doing this to him. I can't help the change I've noticed in Andy, Harry's words about him planted firm in my brain like an insidious weed.

Maybe the change isn't Andy, maybe it's me.

It only added to the crippling loneliness I felt.

I can't say Harry didn't warn me.

*"This isn't good for you Harry, you could get hurt" I try to reason

The self assured smirk falls from his lips as he closes the space between us, searching his eyes back and forth between my own "I could say that same thing to you Abby, and yet here you are"*

I really only have myself to blame.

God I feel pathetic. I hate that I cared so much, that someone I barely knew consumed me so quickly.

I'm stuck at this dining table, dragging myself over hot coals in my own mind, sitting through another mundane dinner with Andy's parents, straight back into the routine of how we spend most of our Saturday nights.

I feel so discontent with all of it now, the things I once just rolled with the motions of without question now have me feeling restless and bored.

Everything seems so grey in comparison to the violent explosion of colour Harry catapulted into my life.

I push my food around on my plate, that same solemn look on my face I've had for weeks, and I don't think I've heard a word anyone has said tonight.

Everything around me seeming to remind me of Harry, I can't escape him.

The green moonstone pendant hanging around Andy's mothers neck has been glaring at me all night, reminding me of those green eyes that felt like they read my mind.