It All Started With a Diary

again

Fuck. I leaned my head against one of the elevator walls, my fingers tightening around the handles. I felt weak just at the sight of him. How would I do seeing him at school every day? I would have to endure it for seven more months.

I just had to hold up. He told me to leave him, I said those things to him, I ruined his life. Why would we want to be near the other only to break each other?

I had to do what was best for me for once. I didn't know if the separation destroyed him as bad as it did me, but I bet that he would move on. He could find another girl by tomorrow, and continue to live his life.

The feeling was not mutual.

I spent minutes on the elevator. Everytime someone joined in, I would take them to their destination, pretend to go to another floor, then come back and repeat. It was a time passer, so I decided to just carry on until I was sure of Kade being gone from my dad's floor, if he even bothered to go. I didn't blame him if he hadn't.

I wanted to laugh at how idiotic I sounded. I was pathetic, actually. I was scared of going on my own dad's hospital floor, because of a boy. Months ago, I would have laughed at the very idea of this. Now, my heart leaped in my chest at the thought of even speaking to him again.

With my bearings, I gripped the elevator handle as I pressed the floor button. I managed to pull myself out, my footsteps heavy with stew.

I kept my eyes on the hospital tiles as I passed the people in the hallway. If the force wasn't physical, I wouldn't have noticed the collision I was sure I caused.

I looked up, though I only came into contact with gray eyes. With a scan of the face, I immediately knew that it was Carter.

He steadied me by placing his hands onto my forearms. I didn't say a thing, instead standing there with the blank expression.

His eyes crinkled with a smile. "Still clumsy Kimberly, huh?" he teased. The dimple in his right cheek appeared but it soon disappeared the longer he watched me. "Hey, you good?"

I nodded my head, only to get away quicker. I wasn't in the mood for whatever he had in store for me right now.

I yanked my arms away from his hold. "I-I have to go," I mumbled before brushing by him.

I didn't pursue his concern, nor did I want it. Instead, I only shielded myself with my familiar blanket of distrust and continued on. My feet shuffled past the mixed crowd of doctors and nurses.

My inner being relaxed once I noticed that Kade was a no-show. Either he took the hint or just gave up altogether. I ignored the drop of my heart, despite the pain it inflicted on my emotional being.

I walked to where I started the first time, the waiting room. I released a sigh of relief at the sight of Ryland, who stood once he saw me.

"The doctor wants to speak to us," he clarified. "I didn't want to talk to him without you there."

I nodded slowly. "Do you think it's bad?"

Ryland looked at me with a expression of helplessness. His lips parted to release a sigh, eyes falling before they came back to me. "Do you want my honest answer?"