Our Existence

Ch.5 Two Suicidal Maniacs?!

"We're heading to the people that can find work for you. I'm sure they'll take a liking to you." Dazai smiles as we walk.

We were currently walking through the busy streets of Yokohama. Dazai and Atsushi are walking side by side while I lag behind them, without a care in the world. Dazai's leading us to Atsushi's new job.

I have a bad feeling about this.

"What kind of work is it going to be?" Atsushi asks.

"You'll have to wait and see. Oh, there might be a little test too."

"A test?!" he freaks a bit.

"Atsushi-kun, do you know how to read and write?"

"Yes... Shiori taught me."

"Then you'll be fine. Trust me, I guarantee it'll all work out."

Dazai stops in his tracks as Atsushi turns toward him with the biggest smile I ever seen.

"Thank you so much!"

Dazai now holds a cocky smile as he replies.

"Ha, you should be thankful! Leave it to me and everything will always be okay!"

I can't tell you how wrong that sentence really is.

"For I am Dazai, the man who showers in the trust and admiration of his colleagues, and the reverence of the common citizen!"

I can't tell if that was a joke or not.

"There you are, Dazai!" a voice boomed.

I turn to see Kunikida stomping up to us, pissed...as usual.

"You walking waste of bandages!!"

Oof.

That seem to hurt Dazai as he becomes overdramatic. 

"...Kunikida-kun, that was actually pretty good..." he says as he acts like he's in pain.

"Showered in the trust of who, you say? The only thing you get showered in is profanities and complaint calls!"

Dazai now acts like he didn't do anything wrong.

"What? When did anyone ever complain about me?"

Kunikida opens his little green book titled "Ideals".

I got to hear this.

I race to his side and read his book as he said the examples out loud. He even impersonates the voices of the people who complained.

"Call received August this year. "One of your employees got stuck in my fishing net. Could you come and pick him up?" he impersonates a tough sounding dude.

"Call received September this year. "There's a strange man from the city buried in my field. Does he work for you?" he impersonates an old man.

"Call received in the same month."Pay your tab, okay?! All six months worth." he impersonates a young lady.

Dazai's shocked face was amazing. I took a picture of it before he freaks out.

"Who knew you were so good at imitating other people, Kunikida-kun?!"

Kunikida snaps as he runs over and starts to strangle Dazai while shaking him about. He yells at him as he does.

"You bastard! Stop ridiculing me!"

Atsushi and I just watch the two.

"Is this job referral really going to work out okay...?" Atsushi questions.