The Book Of My Awesomeness 2

devin

december 2016 - october 2017 and then a little october 2018 

imma start off with saying that as of 1/4/19 that i still like this boi and if he wanted to do what we used to i would be down and i want him to take me to his prom lol maybe fuck him (jk lol maybe i don't know man)

it all started the day before winter break in 2016. recently a girl he and i both know had committed suicide and it was the day of her wake and it a very dreary day. we were still trying to make the best of it an we were talking in 6th period because we had a sub and i was looking at him and i noticed he had scars on his arm like self harm scars. then i saw him later at the wake and he was crying and i gave him a hug and he knew her way more than i did and the whole situation sucked

somehow (bear with me here) i started liking him because he was one of those dudes who showed emotion because previously i was dealing with brian, a boy who thought it was weak to show emotion. so anyways

i had given my friend Richard my number so i could help him with the classwork and devin asked for my number too so i could help him (which he never needed by the way) and then he and i started texting more often around my birthday (1/27) and i told him i thought he was cute and that i liked him and he said he didn't like me but still we talked. i even baked for him (i wanna be a baker) i also started hanging out in the library with him and some of his and my friends during lunch so anyways fast forward to valentine's day  2017 and the day before i was like "what if i kissed you?" and he was like "kiss me and find out" and so me being the human i am thought i should do it on valentines day because that's cute so i went to kiss him and he moved away so i panicked and left the library but i still had 6th period with him and i was upset the whole day

then one day my friend was talking about how like tongue kissing seemed weird and making out seemed weird and i disagreed and so did devin. then he and i were walking to 6th period together and he asked me if i like making out and i said yeah and then the bell rang so  i was like hella confused. then i texted him later that day and he said he wanted to make out with me but then we had 2 snow days in a row and one of those days was his birthday but on march 16, 2017 he and i made out for the first time during the lunch period in this make out stairwell (this will be a reoccurring place in my love life saga). then we had a sub for our class so then we made out a little more. then he and i would make out during lunch or 6th period or 7th period whenever and he kept telling me he didn't like me he just wanted to have fun. he fingered me once or twice and he kissed me on my forehead which no one had ever done before and i loved it but he stopped doing it. then one time he kissed me in the hallway in front of people and i was shook as fuck not gonna out of the 10 people i've kissed he was the best kisser out of all of them

anyways around the end of school so june 2017 i was talking about how guys ain't shit and how i never plan on asking anyone out anymore because i'm just going to get my feelings hurt. then he asked me why i never asked him out an i told him that it was because he said he didn't like me and he said i should ask him out anyways and so i did and he said he wanted to spend some time outside of school with me first and i was like BET so over the summer i invited him over my house when no one else was home and we made out and talked and it was amazing we may have done more if i wasn't as awkward about sexual things but yeah and i was on my period anyways so oops that was like august of 2017 then he basically didn't speak to me for the rest of the summer and i was like really confused and shook and just mad

then school started and he saw me and he gave me a hug like he didn't ignore me for a month. then we made out on september 23, 2017 i think for the last time. i tried to make out with him in october and he told me how he liked some girl and she liked him and he wanted to try it out and i was like ??????? so you made me think i was gonna date you and then you switched up and left me for someone else (its a real reoccurring theme) anyways i ended up being really depressed and i started self harming again after having not done it for like a few months. 

about his "girlfriend" he never talks about her i've never seen him with her i really don't think she exists either that or she does but he's not with her all the time because she's basically like what i was but she gets to have a label. but idk just theories anyways

i hit him up my sophomore year in like may 2018 thinking there's no way he's gonna maintain his girlfriend lie and i asked him to make out with me and he said no he's taken. THEN OML one day i was talking to him in like october 2018 and he was talking to me about like giving me a ride home from school cause he's a senior so he drives and i was gonna take the offer because he was flirting with me talking about the things we could have done and should have done when we used to make out and he even said he wish he could make out with me again and then he was like calling me pretty and other things but then he was like "but i got a girlfriend so i cant" and i went off on him about treating me like that and such. later after that he apologized for the way he treated me freshman year

tbh i wanted to fuck with him like i wanted to tell him i wanted to make out again and set a time and a place and then cancel last minute just to fuck with him but i never ended up doing it because i never got an opportunity but if i get one i may do it idk. but whenever he sees me in school he gives me a fist bump or a hug or such and idk but i just... i can't get over him completely even though this dude screwed me over soooooo fucking bad. but that's devin's story