Waste it on Me (Kim Namjoon X reader)

Chapter 13

Namjoon

The doctor left the room after checking her pulses. He didn't tell me anything, which made sense because I wasn't her family or anything. Her small body was lying flat on the bed. I finally sat down. Since getting to the hospital, I've been pacing back and forth, waiting outside while they heck up on her. My mind was racing. Now that I'm finally calm, I began to feel empty.

Here I am, in a room with the person I like, yet I feel almost no excitement. I am worried about her, she is still important to me. But my mind kept wandering to Y/N instead. In my anger, I had pushed her, twice. And I was sure she got hurt the second time. I should have ran back to her. But I still can't get over the fact that she had hurt Seol, I mean, what else could have happened.

There was movement on the bed. I sat up and moved to it. Her eyes began to flutter open. When she saw me, she gave me a horrified look. "Namjoon, what are you doing here? Where am I?"

"You're at the hospital. I'm not sure what happened. The doctor wouldn't tell me anything."

"Oh, I see." There was a hint of recognitions in her eyes. Like she knew what had happened to her. She sat up on the bed, back leaning against the wall.

"Tell me, did she hurt you?" I asked, leaning in closer.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, her voice was small and shaky. I felt pity looking at her. Maybe that's all that it was, empathy.

"Y/N, she was with you. Did she do something to you?"

"Namjoon, don't be ridiculous. She's a sweet girl, I'm pretty sure she caught me before I could hurt myself any further."

"Then, what did happen?"

"Namjoon, I'm sick." she blurted flat out, looking directly at me. The small smile on her face didn't match the information she had just told me.

"What do you mean you're sick?" I asked, scoffing a little.

"It's something unknown. My body just fails me sometimes. I thought I was getting better, but I guess I'm not. But whatever you did with Y/N, I suggest you go apologize right now."

"No, I'm not leaving you." I argued. I felt exhausted both physically and mentally. Never would I have imagined Seol being sick. I sat on the bed and took her hand in mine.

"Namjoon, I don't need your pity. Whatever it is that you think you're feeling for me, it's not love. You see me as this fragile woman who can't take care of herself, and you are right. But I don't need you to do anything for me. I am not what you need. Y/N is. Don't deny your feelings for her, they are real, more real than what we have. Go to her."

It took me awhile to process what she had told me. I knew that she was right, my feelings for her, the pity, had blinded me for so long. I thought for so long that I wanted to be with her, but it was just my senses trying to take care of a helpless human being. Maybe that's why I find it fascinating to be around Y/N, because she never needed any help. She was the opposite of everything I had believed in.

I said bye to Seol soon after and began driving home. I tried calling Y/N a few times, but as expected, she didn't pick up. But I still called, to hear her voicemail, her voice. Hello?....Just kidding, I'm not available, obviously. Please leave a message!

I sighed before putting my phone away. I thought about going to her apartment but I realized I have no idea where it is since I didn't go with the boys to help them move in. The car continued to drive me back home. It was late at night, the boys should all be home now. I was too tired to eat anything so I'll probably just sleep and explain to them tomorrow. As I entered the front door, Jungkook was walking out of the kitchen. He cast me a glance but then walked away. It was unusual for him to act like that towards me. Normally, he would at least say hello and ask about my day. Instead, I felt his coldness running down my spine.

"Jungkook." I said, trying to reach for him.

"Don't talk to me." the maknae snapped. I was stunned, too stunned to move. I saw the rest of the boys exiting the kitchen and giving me the same cold gaze mixed with disappointment. I exhaled slowly, knowing the exact reason why.

"Did Y/N tell you what happened?" I asked. Taehyung turned around and shook his head.

"No, of course she didn't. Yuqi told me." he answered.

"What did she tell you?"

"She went to wait for Y/N outside of a professor's office and then she saw you running out of the room, carrying the professor in your arms. She found Y/N on the floor, with pieces of broken glass in her hands. Y/N said that she fell and that it wasn't anyone's fault. She was bleeding and she kept saying it wasn't your fault." A piece of my heart ached. Even when I had done something so awful, she still cares about me.

"Namjoon. What is your relationship with that professor?" Seokjin asked. He was leaning against the wall, arms crossed. His eyes piercing right through me. I felt myself shrinking.

"Um, nothing. She passed out and I was helping her to the hospital."

"Don't lie to us." Yoongi yelled. "You wouldn't just leave Y/N, your friend, when she's hurt just for someone normal." I hate that they know me so well. What should I expect, we've been living together since undergrad.

"I haven't been completely honest with you." I began.

"You think?" Jimin spat out. Gone was the sweet boy.

"I'm so sorry. I-I just didn't know how to tell you guys."

"Tell us what?" asked Hoseok.

"I was in love with my writing professor." They all gasped quietly, except Jungkook, who stood far away and remained silence. "Or at least I thought I was. I realized that it wasn't love, I just felt the need to protect her, to protect everyone. I was wrong, I'm sorry.

Jungkook began to walk over to me, he was practically running, fumed with anger. He took a hold of my collar and pulled me down to his eye level. "I can't believe you." he growled. "I trusted you with her. I gave her up because I thought you would take care of her. But I was wrong, I really have no idea who you are anymore. Protecting? You speak so great about it, but you broke Y/N's heart because you were selfish and ignorant." He lets go of my collar and stormed into his room.

I wasn't mad at his behavior. If I were him, I would have punched me in the face. Seokjin walked over, placing a hand on my shoulder. "He didn't mean it like that. Just give him time to calm down."

"Thanks hyung."

"Don't thank me yet. You need to apologize to her first." I nodded my head. I was about to ask them for her address but then Jungkook emerged from his room. He was panting. I could see his shoulders shaking.

"Kook, what's wrong?" Jimin asked.

"She's gone. Y/N's gone!"