*This continues right after Painful Memories. So this probably won't make sense if you don't read the first part*
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I drive, the rain coming down harder each second. My tears are now dry, though not for long I'm sure.
My phone rings suddenly, casuing me to take my eyes off the road for a moment.
Mom, it reads. I sigh, already knowing what its about.
I put the cold screen to my ear, speeding through a green light.
"Hello," my voice is drained.
"Sean, sweetie, you're coming tonight right? We really miss you."
I take a left, " I don't know if --"
"Please," my mom's voice seems to crack a little, making my heart sink.
"Okay, I will. But only for you."
***
I pull into the drive way, parking my car. I lean my head back on the seat, closing my eyes.
My hands shake, and my throat burns. I make a silent plea for my pain to be reduced, if only for tonight, and open the door.
I make my way up the porch steps, taking my time. The air around me is cold and suffocating.
Everywhere feels suffocating these days.
I place my hand on the doorknob, turning it. My breath hitches as I take in my childhood home, feeling a sense of sadness.
I enter the kitchen, and my mom turns. Her face lights up instantly, her smile growing.
She rushes to me, wrapping her arms around me. "Sean, honey," she sighs.
I hesitate before wrapping my arms around her, placing my chin on the top of her head.
"Hey mom," my voice is small.
She pulls back after a moment, studying me. Her eyes gloss over, her lips frowning.
I shake my head, "I'm okay mom."
She drops her eyes, pulling her hands back. She smiles, a forced one, and turns back to the stove.
"The others are in the living room, dinner will be done soon." I can hear the tears in her voice.
I take a step towards her, "Mom--"
"Please go say hi, they miss you," she doesn't turn around.
I turn, guilt burning in my chest. She already lost my dad and Kaycee was like a daughter to her, she is grieving too.
I take a deep breath, walking down the hall.
"Sean," I look up to see Ana, mine and Kaycee's- my close friend.
I smile, though it doesn't reach my eyes, "Hey, Ana."
She stops in front of me, smiling sadly, "How are you?"
"I'm okay," I lie.
She nods, still smiling. "That's great, Sean. I'm glad you're here, we all really missed you."
The old me, I think to myself. You miss the old me, the part of me that died when she did.
I step into the room, seeing my other friends and family. My sisters, Sarah and Serris, walk towards me.
I smile, slightly real this time, and embrace them both. I pull away first, looking down at them.
"We missed you, goof," Serris says, reaching a hand up and fluffing my hair.
That is when time seems to stop, and I'm in another place.
She sits in my front seat, her hand in my hair. My eyes are on the road, as I sing along to the radio. Her laugh erupts throughout the car, enjoying my ugly singing.
I step back, not being able to catch my breath. "Sean, are you okay?" I hear, which I respond, "Yeah, I just need some fresh air."
I make my way down the hallway, running through the front door, my mom not saying a thing.
"Sean!" I hear Kaycee scream
I stumble down the steps, holding my chest. I pound my fist against my head, willing the memory to disappear.
I watch the truck slam into my car.
I sink to my knees on the hard ground, "No," I whisper. "No!" I yell louder, standing.
I run to my car, finding the door handle. I don't know where I'm going, just somewhere away from here.
I reverse the car, speeding into the street. My cheeks are now wet, my vision blurry.
My phones buzzes in my pocket, I ignore it.
I hit my hands on the steering wheel repeatedly, cursing. Honks are thrown my way as I get too close to one lane.
I don't care, however, my pain strong enough to block out everything else.
"Kaycee," I sigh, seeing her face in my mind.
It would have been better if my heart didn't still beat for her, if my soul didn't belong with hers.
I see her eyes in the sun that rises, and her smile in the rainbows that stretch across the sky.
I hear her laugh at every corner I turn, a bittersweet sound that haunts me in the worst way.
I need her, and for once she isn't here.
Another honk is sounded, though this time it is much longer. I look up, watching as the bright headlights come towards me.
Everything goes black, then white. I see a figure walk towards me, though they're too blurry to identify.
The person walks closer and a gasp ecscpes my lips, "Kayc?"
She smiles, holding her hand out to me.
I take it, melting into her warmth that I missed so much.
