Lams Oneshots^^

For the Rest of Eternity

SUCIDE TW - do not read if you are suicidal:(

Alex is mad at himself for falling asleep. He had been working all night on an important essay, he must have dozed off at some point on his desk. Nonetheless, he feels a little more refreshed than he has in a little over a month. That's how long it's been since he's seen John, his freckled love who left to spend some time in South Carolina on his father's request. Alex had insisted John ignore him and stay home; the southern boy struggled with depression, and with his father being a main cause Alex feared what effect this trip would have on his beloved. John had insisted though, and Alex, ever indulgent to John's wishes, had eventually allowed him to leave.

            Alex regrets that choice now. With each passing day John's calls become less and less frequent, his texts giving away his not so perfect mood. Alex is sick with worry, but he can't get John to tell him anything. John has been pushing him away, something Alex had thought they'd gotten past a long time ago. John is regressing, and Alex is almost across the country from him.

            All of these thoughts come crashing back into Alex's mind all at once, stealing any peace he might have had from the confusion of just waking up. His heart flutters, he feels he might be sick as he holds his head in his hands. With a sigh, Alex picks up his phone. The small numbers in the top right corner read one p.m. Damn, how long had he been asleep for? Despite the hour, Alex has no notification of a response to his text to John last night. What he does have, though, is a voicemail from a South Carolinian number that he doesn't recognize. Perhaps John calling him from his house phone? But what reason would he have to do that? Alex supposes it's possible that John lost his phone or something along those lines.

            He sighs heavily. These are all excuses, and he knows it. He stands up quickly, grabbing his coat and keys; More than likely than not John hurt himself, and if that is indeed the case, Alex will have to fly down there immediately. He clicks play on the voicemail, listening as he swipes through his phone in search of plane tickets and hurries downstairs.

            "Hello, this is Henry Laurens. I am calling for a Mr. Alexander Hamilton in regards to a very serious situation concerning his boyfriend, John Laurens," he spits out the word boyfriend as if it's poison on his lips, and Alex wrinkles his nose in disdain as he searches for a snack in the pantry. "I assume this is Mr. Hamilton's phone, as this number was in John's wallet. Nevertheless, if it is not I trust that you will pass the news on. At nine a.m. this morning, John was found dead in the bathroom, having taken his own life. If you.." Alex stops in his tracks, a granola bar in his outstretched hand. He doesn't hear the rest of the voicemail, and it soon cuts off. No, no. Took his own life? No. He promised, John promised Alex he would never do that, John said he understood how important he is to Alex.

            Alex swallows hard, a lump in his throat suddenly painfully prominent. He drops his keys, holding his phone close to his body. With shaking hands, he replays the voicemail. There's no mistaking it, the words are real. This is real. Everything is heavy on Alex's shoulders all at once, weighing him down, and he falls carelessly to the floor. He bites his lip until he tastes blood, but that isn't enough to stop the onslaught of tears. He should call Laf and Herc or at least text them, he knows. But can he manage to do that?

            John has been dead since midnight. That's long enough for him to walk around his house, stopping in at each of his sibling's rooms. Long enough for him to stop in his father's room for some reason he can't explain but he felt the need to. Even though he knows none of them can hear or see him, he says goodbye, as he hadn't bothered with a suicide note. He doesn't plan on ever returning here.

Most of all though, these thirteen hours have been enough for him to make his way back to New York. Back to Lafayette and Hercules and the Schuylers. Back to Alexander. John doesn't feel upset for his loss of life, not a single bit. And he feels that everyone will eventually be able to get along without him just fine. Alex is the only exception. Somehow, Alex managed to convince John that Alex wouldn't be able to live without him. John considers how he would feel if he were to hear that Alex had killed himself, and he knew that wouldn't end nicely. Needless to say, John is worried about his dear lover.