Irrevocably (COMPLETED)

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

PERSEPHONE

That was our vow. It gave me clarity, made me breathe a little better. I smiled upon seeing him console my mother. At least finally, they had their peace. They were fine.

"Till death do us part, I do" I spoke, barely a whisper. But I hope he heard it.

Both of them turned around, shocked. My mother by now was fully sobbing. And Zach stood up to his full height and looked between me and my mother as he frantically ran out and called for the nurses. My mother hurriedly sat beside me and held my hand as she cried. I lightly patted her hand to make sure she felt I was there.

"I'm sorry Mom," I told her, my voice was weak. She offered me water and I took a sip to regain my voice.

I found my peace in that sleep, and I guess here I am with a lighter heart. Because I finally knew what I wanted. The nurses came rushing in and ushered my mom out as they performed several tests on me. When they were done I asked for my husband outside. Husband.. still new to me.

The wait for him was agonizing.

The door creaked open and there he was. The guy my heart fully resides in. My everything. I smiled at him and he couldn't seem to process that I was finally in front of him. Alive and breathing.

"it's just me, I'm no Jessica Alba for that reaction. Come" I urged him

He released a shaky breath and walked so fast that I didn't see him grab my face and kiss me on the lips. I swear I heard my dysfunctional heart beating like crazy. I felt like there were a set of fireworks igniting inside me. I offered my hand to him as he shakily reaches up to it.

We pulled away from each other and just looked at each other. He reached for my hands and flinched a bit I guess because of my coldness.

"I know I'm still a bit cold, quite freaky ain't it? But i'll get my normal temperature back once my body settles" I said jokingly at him.

He took it and kissed my knuckles. I blushed at the sight of it. Him holding my hand, him in front of me. My smile was short-lived when he suddenly cried. I could feel his tears fall unto my hand. I held his head in my hand as he sobbed.

"I-I thought I was protecting y-you. I did everything. I tried to change. I swear I did. I took classes, I saw therapists when you went away for the first time and I swear I was doing good. My mind just got messed up when everyone was pointing fingers when everyone was full of emotions. I-'m sorry, I'm sorry I don't deserve you Persephone. I don't know why you still stuck with me. I'm- I'm sorry, I love you please don't leave me ever again. I wouldn't bare it, I won't live with it." He sobbed

I patted his head to calm him down.

"You know why I loved you? Why I never took my eyes off of you?" I asked him, he shook his head no. I smiled at this and spoke "It's because you never thought you weren't worthy of any attention. When all the while, girls would always look at you like they're willing to kneel in front of you if you just say the word, and maybe even if you didn't" I chuckled recalling the memories back then.

He looked up at me and listened. "You were so kind, your heart was so big that you were willing to let anyone in. And we know how that turned out. Don't get me started on your brain. You were so smart, so smart that sometimes you get shy by a simple compliment. You were perfect, my kind of perfect. Thank you for trying your best to fix me, but I'm afraid it's not up to you to fix me. It's up to me to fix my own mess." I assured him.

"I'll be the husband you deserve" He promised.

"You already are. I saw how you changed Zach. I was happy, that maybe, at last. We could start fresh and new. I'm sorry, we had to go through that. I don't know how to handle myself.." I said sadly.

Everything flashed before me. The pain, the abuse, the rape, the isolation, and the insanity. I tried to shake it off of my thoughts. But it's a part of me, I became that person because of those things.

"I could've done everything to preven-" I cut him off

"No, we can't prevent that Zach. I was meant for a breakdown and that was it. I had to go through that to get here. I'm damaged but I'll get by. I'm saying all of this because I do know what you deserve Zach." I cradled his face in my hands " You deserve peace, for once you deserve stability. I know I can no longer give you a child, I'm infertile the doctors told me, Zach. You need someone who doesn't have baggage as heavy as mine. I don't want you suffering with me. I want to set you free, I owe you that much. You were my kind of perfect, you were my world. And I guess that wasn't meant to last." I said with tears in my eyes and kissed his forehead. He abruptly stood up and looked at me with tears running down his face.

"No! You don't get to decide what I deserve! You don't deserve me yet here I am. You don't get to decide whether or where I can be happy! I'm happy with you! Let me prove that. I've been a shitty husband. And as your husband, it's my duty to stand by you when things get rough! Not now, not ever! I can't leave you, I won't leave you. I said my vows, although shitty it still holds truth in them. And that's standing beside you through everything, through anything. I don't care how hard, how frustrating or how painful this gets. I need you, I want you, I love you! Isn't that enough? Can't that be enough?" He said angrily yet desperately.

This was the first time he really expressed how he loved me, finally. I could sleep at night knowing everything I went through wasn't for nothing. That there could be good that comes out of this.

"B-but I can't give you a child," I told him

"I don't care about it not being our own! What I care about is growing with you, building a family with you. Ours or not, a family is a family and I'd rather my child call you their mom." He answered me easily.

I smiled at the thought of him, he was willing to put up with me even if I was damaged.

"I love you," I told him.

"I love you too." He answered. He settled unto his seat and held my hand.

We basked in silence, just letting the feeling of togetherness seep in. It was peaceful. For a hospital, it really was.

"How long was I out?" I asked him as he played with my fingers.

"Long enough for me to sort out things, and for me to miss you" He answered. I bit the insides of my cheeks to stop the smile.

"You know, during my sleep. I had this... clarity. I became lighter, I understood everything. There was no pain in my heart, well at least not physically. This shit hurts like hell. But I'll get by. I was glad it happened, it really enlightened me." I said looking at the ceiling.

" I'll get you the best doctors so the pain stops." He told me and looked up at me.

"I just need you and I'll be fine. Promise me something alright?" I asked him.

"What?" He replied

"Get me out of here, I want to go somewhere and just be with you. I want to be with my husband." I said to him

" The doctors haven't said yes yet" He answered his eyebrows furrowed.

" Well please persuade them. I'm just asking for days, not months. Please please please then after it they can do whatever it is they want to do with me. I just want to spend time with you now that I feel lighter and newer. Please my ever so handsome husband?" I begged him with my puppy dog eyes. I always knew he could never resist those.

He grunted and rolled his eyes playfully

"Okay, okay I'll make arrangements. My demanding wife." He replied

" I love hearing you call me your wife," I admitted

"Well I love you, and I love hearing you call me your husband too" He smiled at me.

everything was fine, finally.