Kill Me With Words (All Time Low Fanfiction)

Chapter 30

Simon left me sitting outside the bus.

I was curled up. Weak from being suffocated.

Weak from finding out that my brother died - not from suicide - but from the monster who slept only few feet away from me.

 

The guys found me on their way back from the nightclub, shivering from the cold, and coughing up dry tears. They figured it was something to do with Jacob - a grief thing - so Zack picked me up and carried me inside the bus, tucking me into my bunk.

“It’s okay, Fin,” Jack said. He lifted up my chin with warm fingers, looking into my eyes. “You’re okay.”

Shaky breaths. Gasps. Coughing.

Jack slipped into my bunk, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me into his chest. “You’re okay,” He whispered to me, stroking my hair. “You’re okay... you’re okay... you’re okay.”

I fell asleep eventually. I woke up an hour or so later. The rest of the bus was still asleep, but I’d never felt more awake.

 

Something in the back of my brain was whirling, this half-awake idea that was slowly beginning to form.

“I watched him write it down, write it all down for you...”

Jacob wrote it down. He wrote something for me - a note, or a letter. But I never got it.

And then, from somewhere else in the depths of my mind came another memory.

“It is my choice! She’s still a child, and it’s my job to look after her, so yes, it’s my fucking choice whether I should give it to her or not. And I’m not going to!”

“Well then I am!”

“No you’re not! Give that to me!”

I opened the door. They both froze.

“What’s going on?”

Alex lowered his arm and stepped away from Jack. “Nothing. Go back to bed.”

“What were you arguing about?” I looked at the envelope that Jack was holding above his head. “What’s that?”

I replayed the scene over and over in my head.

...the envelope that Jack was holding over his head...

...the envelope that Jack was holding over his head...

My mind was slow and tired, but loose connections, as delicate as spiderwebs, were beginning to form.

Jacob had written me a letter.

Alex had an envelope that appeared after Jacob’s funeral.

“It is my choice! She’s still a child, and it’s my job to look after her, so yes, it’s my fucking choice whether I should give it to her or not. And I’m not going to!”

An envelope that contained something Alex didn’t want me to see. Something to do with me. And Jacob.

 

I got up, my head still spinning.

The carpet was soft on my feet as I stepped across the corridor to where Alex’s bunk was. I could hear him snoring softly.

I pulled back the curtain. The harsh material scratched at the pads of my fingers.

Alex was asleep. He was sprawled across his bunk with one hairy leg thrown over the covers. A crumpled red t-shirt covered his torso, and the hint of his Batman underwear could be seen before they disappeared beneath the blanket.